Underneath all his swarthy, unwashed pirate swag Russell Brand is an intelligent, intuitive, incorrigible human being and for that I love him.

You see, Russell saw this supposed ‘autobiography’ put out by Miley Cyrus and he’s simply not having it.

 ”Miley Cyrus?” the 33-year-old star said when he was informed about her tome. “She’s only been alive half an hour. What’s she going to say: ‘The womb was warm?’”

“It’s nice in there. There’s all sorts of fluids,” he continued criticizing Miley’s tome. “That’s not a book. I don’t buy it. It’s a very short story. Anything that’s been written by a sperm and an ovum–it’s too short.”

Now, Russell may be feeling extra critical towards other autobiographies because he’s in the process of putting together his own. But his autobiography talks about things like ‘how his father introduced him to prostitutes on a trip to Asia’ and ‘how he once got into a naked, drug-fueled brawl with a stripper’.  THOSE are the kinds of stories you need for a book about your life.

Who wants to read about bullies and sandwiches when you can have stripper fights and Asian hookers?

Virgin Miley and her boyfriend, male model Justin Gaston were snapped at Mr. Chow’s restaurant last night.  Like the Ivy, this joint is where you go when you want to be seen.  I wouldn’t mind seeing Justin.  Naked.  In my bed.  With Johnny Depp on the other side of me.

“When Miley grows up, she’ll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement”

Radiohead’s Thom Yorke in response to the Miley Cyrus radio interview in which she whines about being snubbed by the band.

Wait-celebs outgrow sense of entitlement?  Someone, tell Paris…STAT!

Miley is on the radio interviews once again and explaining to Detroit’s WKQI listeners how she’s not ready to live with her boyfriend yet.  “I get annoyed really easily.  I love him to death . . . but no . . . [Justin] is so smart, but just like, everything has to, like, go where it’s supposed to go and if it doesn’t, I get like really frustrated.”.”

A couple of thoughts here:  She gets annoyed really easily?  How does she listen to the sound of her own voice?  And her reason for not wanting to live with her boyfriend is that he doesn’t put the lid down?  Or is “everything has to, like, go where it’s supposed to go and if it doesn’t, I get like really frustrated,” some sort of anal sex reference?

Here’s a couple reasons why Miley shouldn’t be ready to live with her boyfriend:  1)  She’s sixteen?  2)  She’s a virgin.

Oh, stop laughing.  I feel confident that Miley is completely honoring the Intact Hymen portion of her Disney contract-don’t you?

Damn, Miley!

When you write your (real) memoirs from your private room at Promises in a couple years, will you do us all a favor and please discuss IN DETAIL the sex you are having with this hot piece of man-meat?

Because he is sooooo freakin’ edible!

Miley got all dressed up in sweatpants and Uggs to hit up Nobu with Justin Gaston on Sunday. Why bother going out for sushi, Milers? You have plenty of raw meat right at home, and you know exactly where it goes, girl.

Virgin Miley has Kings of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” as her ringtone.  Yeah, her hymen’s intact.

Miley Cyrus is only sixteen but is already completely adept at stretching out any bit of attention being paid to her. This clip of a radio interview is almost ten minutes long. She starts telling her story about getting dissed at the Grammys at the beginning but doesn’t fess up about who snubbed her until she tells the story a second time and then, finally, reveals the band’s name at nine minutes.

Brief deets after the jump if you can’t tolerate nine-plus minutes of listening to this child’s voice.

(more…)

Either Justin Gaston went all Chris Brown on her, or Miley Cyrus got some serious upper lip injections, because homegirl was looking more than a little bit puffy at the signing of her new book, Miley Cyrus: Miles to Go, at the Barnes & Noble in NYC.

Honestly this girl does not look anything like the one on the cover of that book, almost to the point that I’m wondering if they’re using a Miley Cyrus stunt double for any event that might result in her having to read.