Jailbait Miley Cyrus cuddles up to 34-year-old womanizer Mario Lopez at a taping of America’s Best Dance Crew on the Sony lot.
Run, Miley! Run as fast as your inappropriately dressed legs can take you!
Miley Cyrus doesn’t know how to use a seatbelt.
Jamie-Lynn Spears doesn’t know how to use a condom.
They’re both typical teenage mistakes, but Miley would rather you focus on her friend Jamie Lynn’s right now, so she’s happy to share her thoughts on Jamie’s pregnancy. “She’s now really excited, so I’m proud of her,” says Miley. “I think she’s done the best she can.”
Hooray teenage pregnancy!
More of it! More of it!
Miley.
We’ve talked about this.
I need you drinking.
You sure as hell better be stuffing baggies of cocaine up that dog’s asshole so you can take them on the airplane. Otherwise I’m gonna give you a serious whooping.
If you’re gonna stick around, sweetie, you need to get interesting. This Hannah Montana shit is only gonna take you so far.
Image via Splash
The Great White Underage Hope, Miley Cyrus, has reportedly broken up with one of these Jonas Brothers kids. I guess they were secretly dating, and now they’re not-so-secretly breaking up.
I’ve been ignoring these kids for as long as they’ve been on the scene, because, you know, I’m too old and crotchety to care about dudes I can’t legally bang, but Miley is my hope for the future of this blog. If Lindsay stays sober, Paris stays pleasant and Britney dies, I need Miley to be fucking up. So I’ve started following her closely.
So who are these boys??? Why are they so famous??? Someone explain please.
And when is Wilmer Valderrama gonna step up and start dating Miley? Isn’t it, like, his whole job now to bang the underage starlets? DO YOUR THING, Wilmer!
Miss Hannah Montana poses for photogs outside her NYC hotel.
I’d know what she was doing in New York, but I can’t be bothered to keep up with what Miley Cyrus is doing until she decides to start smoking weed or gets knocked up. She’s such a positive role model. Boooooooooring. Positive role models don’t drive traffic, Miley.
Anyway, she sure is cute. I’m digging that she matched her nail polish to her earrings.
I’m sure you’re all thinking the same thing I am about the latest opus from this 15-year-old starlet: Not. Enough. Sex.
Come on, Miley, make us interested!
Miley Cyrus turned 15 on Friday!
She celebrated by performing in her hometown of Nashville, TN.
“I’ll tell you guys that my main wish when my parents asked me, ‘Miley, what do you want for your 15th birthday?’ The only thing that I had to say was, ‘I want to be here at home with Nashville and all of you guys,’ ” she breathlessly told the crowd, who erupted into screams.
“The reason that I do what I do is for all of you guys,” she said. “Anyone from a small town can go out there and live their dream, and so to be here with you guys tonight on my birthday is amazing.”
Yes, Miley. Anyone from a small town whose father just happens to be Billy Ray Cyrus can go out there and live their dream. But that’s a minor detail.
Happy birthday, Miley! Can’t wait until you’re 18 and I can say the things I want to say about that fucking dress.
“Nooooo … That’s my mama for real life!”
Rowan Henchy, Brooke Shields’ 4-year-old daughter, as she sat in the studio audience for a taping of Hannah Montana and watched her mother give Miley Cyrus an on-screen hug.
After the taping, Miley gave Rowan a hug and told her “It was so nice for you to let me borrow your mom for today.”
