There were surprisingly few A-listers at the LA premiere of the new Hannah Montana flick. I’m not sure if they just weren’t invited or if they just didn’t want to come because it’s a stupid movie that Miley’s too old to be doing at this point anyway. Miley was there, looking relatively unhappy about the whole business, and I do wish they’d stop doing lip injections on a 16-year-old.

Thank GOODNESS Taylor Swift was looking fabulous as usual! She stole the show!

Also there: Teri Hatcher and Vanessa Williams — both looking kinda like hell, IMHO — Miley’s dad Billy Ray, and a creature that the photo service has labeled as Demi Lovato, but who looks way older and more whorish than any Demi Lovato I’ve seen. You be the judge.

Happy Monday, peeps!  Is “peeps” still a word that is even used?  I’m so not up on cool lingo.  I seriously still say, “What up?” and “Let’s rent a video.”  Not.  Cool.  You know who is cool, though?  Miley Cyrus.

I was so happy to find the video of totally age-inappropriate Miley, crying while accepting her 2009 Kid’s Choice Awards.  And I quote:  “Unlike any other awards show, it’s all about you guys.”  Well, actually-Miley, I’d like to tell you a story…

Once upon a time, long, long ago, when Pong was all the rage, no one wanted to go to the beach because of that scary shark movie, and Fame was a number one song instead of some entity earned by flashing your nethers, a little awards show was born.  That program, brought forth in 1975 was named The People’s Choice Awards.  The end.

Sorry for the lack of plot and character development.  Moral of story?  Nickelodeon was so not the ground-breaker on this fan-driven awards racket.

Oh, and Miley?  I was on my knees, rosary-draped and desperately praying that thought you were going to lose too.

OMG you guys I was SO WORRIED about Miley and Mandy. After Miley declared Taylor Swift to be her best friend at the VMAs, and she kept making YouTube videos with her boyfriend and her sister and seemingly EVERYONE but Mandy, I thought this friendship for the ages was kaput. My heart was broken.

But NO! They’re back together again, encouraging people to vote for Miley in the Kids Choice Awards, which will take place this Saturday.

Will you be voting for Miley???

I know that Miley and Nick Jonas dated, but really, she has so much more in common with Joe-except that whole purity ruse which Joe actually seems to participate in.

A couple of months ago, Miley was slammed when a picture surfaced of her in which she appeared to be mocking Asians.  Now, this lovely snapshot has hit the internet showing Joe Jonas in a similar situation.  These two Asian-taunting, manufactured by Disney twits are, like, soul mates.

Expect a non-apology to be released by the Jonas camp shortly.

The same could happen to you! Hannah Montana lunchbag-ready snacks have been recalled by The Canadian Food Inspection Agency and the Peanut Corporation of America as a precautionary measure.  This recall is part of that huge peanut recall from earlier this year in which some peanuts were tainted with salmonella.  Way to react, fucking greedy Hannah Montana merchandising execs.  Didn’t other affected manufacturers do this, like, weeks ago?

According to The Mayo Clinic, symptoms of salmonella can include:

nausea and vomiting

abdominal pains and diarrhea

fever

chills

muscle pains

Fuck.  I feel like that every time I hear Miley Cyrus talk.  How is a fan to discern if it’s Miley’s grating cadence or the granola bar?

Underneath all his swarthy, unwashed pirate swag Russell Brand is an intelligent, intuitive, incorrigible human being and for that I love him.

You see, Russell saw this supposed ‘autobiography’ put out by Miley Cyrus and he’s simply not having it.

 ”Miley Cyrus?” the 33-year-old star said when he was informed about her tome. “She’s only been alive half an hour. What’s she going to say: ‘The womb was warm?’”

“It’s nice in there. There’s all sorts of fluids,” he continued criticizing Miley’s tome. “That’s not a book. I don’t buy it. It’s a very short story. Anything that’s been written by a sperm and an ovum–it’s too short.”

Now, Russell may be feeling extra critical towards other autobiographies because he’s in the process of putting together his own. But his autobiography talks about things like ‘how his father introduced him to prostitutes on a trip to Asia’ and ‘how he once got into a naked, drug-fueled brawl with a stripper’.  THOSE are the kinds of stories you need for a book about your life.

Who wants to read about bullies and sandwiches when you can have stripper fights and Asian hookers?

Virgin Miley and her boyfriend, male model Justin Gaston were snapped at Mr. Chow’s restaurant last night.  Like the Ivy, this joint is where you go when you want to be seen.  I wouldn’t mind seeing Justin.  Naked.  In my bed.  With Johnny Depp on the other side of me.