Gossip Girl’sMichelle Trachtenberg at the Crystal Lucy awards — doesn’t that sound like some sort of porn performance accolade? — wearing something that resembles the foil wrapped around a baked potato.

I’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate myself on not mentioning Michelle’s calves this time.  I’m maturing.

Gossip Girl’s Michelle Trachtenberg was one of many celebs that showed last night for the 2008 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.  She really should have considered a pantsuit.  Or a maxi-dress.  Are those still in?  She’s got big tree trunks…what can I tell ya?  Normally I’d think that she’s probably a nice girl which completely trumps being big-kneed but in this case I don’t think her personality wins any points.  Who goes to the VS Fashion Show and can’t put on some lip plumper?  Wait-maybe she thought the tube said “leg plumper”…hmmm…

There were lots of other interesting people that were there but not together (that’s code for “formerly fucked”) like Sean Combs and Aubrey O’Day (I’m convinced they did the deed because he does like…everyone) and Brody Jenner, Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari. 

Every year is the same goddamn thing for this show.  Here’s the gist:  wings, feathers, boobs, $5M bra, tanner, body glitter, hard-ons, feathers, leather, Heidi Klum’s inflated sense of self-importance.  We get it Heidi; you’re head Angel.

Please make sure you look at Shakara on the pink (gag) carpet.  I’ll put her right near the top of the massive gallery.  “Who is Shakara?” you say…I don’t know.  No one knows.  A model.  And the fucking funniest wardrobe choices I’ve ever seen.  She has found a way to wear schizophrenia.

If there is, in fact, a way to get America to a film version of Sweeney Todd, it’s probably Borat. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Shocker of shockers. Justin Timberlake is out and about, being a self-absorbed ass. [Girls Talkin' Smack, Pop on the Pop]

Oprah and her couch are not invited to the TomKat wedding. [Bossip]

If Paris and Nicole can be BFF again, perhaps there’s hope for Britney and Madonna? [The Bosh]

You should return that bulk purchase of lube to Costco, guys. There won’t be an Eva Longoria/Beyonce lesbo flick afterall. [Junkiness]

Michelle Trachtenberg and DJ AM? In my mind, this is the definitive answer to “Which B-list celebs do you care about the absolute least?” But apparently they’re also banging. [A Socialite's Life]