Chico’s has unveiled the “Debbie Phelps Collection,” which is apparently the Chico’s clothing Ms. Phelps packed to watch her hottie son break all sorts of world records in Beijing.
I wonder if they donated all that clothing to her for the publicity.
Check out the collection here.
So I come back from my delicious (expensed!) business lunch — and a doctor’s appointment where they were running late, so that’s what took so long — to find like 8000 emails from you guys alerting me that Michael Phelps was seen making out with Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice, which is twice as many emails as I got from you guys yesterday with that information. And I love love LOVE when you guys send me tips — don’t stop! — but can we all please understand that I am intentionally ignoring this story?
Because I just invented a new universal truth: if it’s not on my blog, then it can’t be true.
THIS IS NOT TRUE!
I WON’T BELIEVE IT!
NO! NO! NO!
That is, of course, other than the I ::heart:: Evil Beet group and my own fan page. All of which you should join. Hint hint.
But someone sent along a link to a group entitled Alicia Sacramone Sucks at Gymnastics But I Still Wanna Fuck Her, and that, my friends, really sums up what the Olympics are all about in my mind. And in the minds of most Americans. I have joined the group.
And in the interest of gender parity, I have started my own group. It is called I Don’t Care About Michael Phelps’ Face, I Still Want to Butter His Fly, and I suggest you all join it ASAP, because it is the coolest group on Facebook. Aside from the ones about me.
And one final point of discussion:
Alicia Sacramone: Boob job? Yes or no? If yes, why? If no, how does she have tits?
Here are the 10 most-watched broadcast network prime-time shows for the week ended Sunday, according to Nielsen Media Research:
1. Summer Olympics (Tuesday), NBC, 34 million
2. Summer Olympics (Saturday), NBC, 31.6 million
3. Summer Olympics (Monday), NBC, 30.2 million
4. Summer Olympics (Thursday), NBC, 29.7 million
5. Summer Olympics (Wednesday), NBC, 27.7 million
6. Summer Olympics (Sunday), NBC, 27.2 million
7. Summer Olympics (Friday), NBC, 26.1 million
8. Two and a Half Men, CBS, 8.1 million
9. NCIS, CBS, 7.2 million
10. 60 Minutes, 7.1 million
On average, the viewership numbers for these Olympics are 13% higher than we saw during the Athens games.
NBC owes Mr. Phelps a thank-you note.
On the left: Vogue editrix, and the inspiration behind The Devil Wears Prada, Anna Wintour.
On the right: Greatest Olympic Athlete of Our Time … in bed … Michael Phelps.
I don’t know when or where this picture was taken, or how in God’s name these two came to be in the same room, let alone sitting directly next to each other, but we all need to start talking about it, pronto.
Go.
Olympics Golden Boy and my future sex toy Michael Phelps has been harassed by every media outlet ever about his dating life, since everybody seems to want a piece of that size 14 penis these days, not to mention the gazillion dollars he’s got lined up in promotional deals at this point.
In general, though, Phelps is keeping mum about his dating life. He did, however, rule out Amanda Beard, who he’d been rumored to be boinking. “No, I’m not dating Amanda Beard,” he told Extra. “I’ll say that. I think she has a boyfriend.”
This is good news for Amanda Beard and for me, because it means that she doesn’t have to die and I don’t have to murder her. My schedule’s been hectic lately and I wasn’t sure how I was going to fit it in.
But he won’t talk at all about whether he’s seeing anyone right now. That just means the journalists are going to have to dig a little bit harder.
It’s actually a pretty long list.
I have to kill both Amanda Beard and model Lily Donaldson, both of whom Michael Phelps is rumored to be dating, but before I do that, I have to kill anyone involved in the creation of Windows Vista and the decision to install it on any fucking new laptop. From what I can tell, Windows Vista is in no way better than XP, it’s just very different and therefore impossible to navigate when you’re used to using XP. Oh, and it’s crashed twice already. Like, full-on core dump. While I was trying to do complicated things. Like connect to the Internet. Incredible. How long did Microsoft take to release this crapfest? Hopefully Bill Gates is doing a little better providing health care to children in third-world countries. Because if his track record over there is anything like fucking Vista, those kids are going to have bizarre mutations any day now. Like, the third eye won’t just be a figurative reference in rural India.
Seriously, what was wrong with XP? I hate you, Microsoft. I swore I’d never be a Mac user, but, for the first time in my life, I’m seriously considering it. I mean, if I’m gonna have to learn a new fucking OS from scratch anyway …
So anyway. Yeah. Phelps has been linked to both Amanda and Lily, both of whom I will kill so that he can be mine, all mine. But only after I get through with the folks at Microsoft.
“I think I’ve figured out Michael Phelps. He’s not from another planet. He from the future. His father made him and made a time machine. Sixty years from now he’s just an average swimmer. But he has come back to this time to mop up.”
British swimmer Simon Burnett, on Michael Phelps.
