Holy shit.  Yeah, I get that pot is illegal, but does anyone thing that this has just escalated to an unreal level?  Even the governor of South Carolina thinks it’s meaningless.

Eight people were arrested this week in connection with the Michael Phelps bong incident-seven with possession and one with distribution.  Police confiscated the bong that some its owner tried to sell on Ebay for $100,000.

Phelps has not been charged yet, even though he’s the one person in the photograph who is actually taking a hit.  Stay tuned.  Beet, get the bail money ready.

Despite the rumors swirling about Subway dumping merman Phelps, their rep came out and denied the story.

“Like most Americans, and like Michael Phelps himself, we were disappointed in his behavior,” Megan Driscoll, the rep for Subway, tells Usmagazine.com. “Also like most Americans, we accept his apology. Moving forward, he remains in our plans.”

Look at that devilish grin on Phelpsy! He knows what’s up! He’s going to be chillaxin with Tommy Chong and munching foot longs for the next 3 months. Except this time, he’ll do it in the privacy of his own basement.

First Kellogg’s, now Subway. Apparently after his run-in with the wacky tobacky, Subway doesn’t want Michael Phelps’ foot-long anywhere near theirs. (Get it? That was a penis joke.)

Exclusive! Subway has officially de-linked Michael Phelps as they prepare to drop his recently announced sponsorship deal. Before Michael’s bong hits hit the headlines, Michael Phelps was featured on the Subway web site. However, since the swimmer’s pothead scandal, Subway has removed all links to pages featuring the Olympic swimmer (see below).

Confidentially, the Subway webteam gave us the heads up — Michael Phelps has been remmed out, de-linked, due to his recent one toke over the line. Other Subway “celebrity friends” are still listed, like Jared, Ryan Howard and Reggie Bush — but they have been told to officially de-link all references featuring Michael …

In an e-mail from Subway spokeswoman Megan Driscoll, she said: “Subway is not commenting or releasing a statement right now on Michael Phelps.” However, in de-linking all references to Michael Phelps, this is Subway corporate as they prepare for dropping their sponsorship. Our insider told us Subway execs are pissed off, talking to legal, want their endorsement money returned — and to “get rid of this embarrassment.”

I wonder if Phelpsy is sorry he ever even copped to this shit. He could have just been like, “Listen, I was smoking plain tobacco out of the pipe,” and it would have been total and complete bullshit, and we all would have known it, but, fuck, if Paris Hilton can go on Larry King and say she’s never done drugs, Michael Phelps can too, right? He probably could have saved his endorsements that way.

Oh, Michael. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this. You can pour your dressing on my roast beef any day, baby.

I’m sure Phelpsy is crying his little eyes out and wiping them with marijuana leaves, because USA Swimming has suspended him for three whole months. I don’t even know what this means. I assume it means he can’t compete, which I assume he is absolutely fine with, because mostly what he wants to do right now is get high and fuck cocktail waitresses. Oh, and they cut off their financial support to Phelps for the same three-month period, effective Thursday. I’m sure this is very hard on Michael, too, because he is deeply dependent on the thousand dollars a month USA Swimming throws his way. It gets deposited every month in the bank account titled “Phelpsy’s Hundred Million Dollars from Endorsements” and he has no idea how he’ll make rent without it.

“This is not a situation where any anti-doping rule was violated, but we decided to send a strong message to Michael because he disappointed so many people, particularly the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero,” the federation said in a statement.

Seriously, kids, don’t do drugs or you might accidentally win eight Olympic gold medals over the course of two weeks and get hundreds of millions of dollars in endorsement deals … and then a teensy tiny slap on the wrist from an organization that worships you as a deity.

Oh, and apparently Kellogg’s dropped him, too.

Hey, Michael, if you need someone to console you, you should come to my house. I will suspend your penis inside my vagina for three months.

Thanks archphoenix!

Oh noes!

Even though his gazillion sponsors don’t seem to care that Michael “Size Fourteen” Phelps admitted to taking giant bong rips at a party in South Carolina this fall, the South Carolina authorities may not let him get off that easy.

South Carolina authorities in the county where Michael Phelps was spotted smoking from a marijuana pipe say they are considering a criminal charge against the Olympic superstar.

Lt. Chris Cowan said Tuesday that Richland County sheriff’s investigators are gathering more information about the photo, which showed the swimmer inhaling from a marijuana pipe.

Cowan did not specify what charge was being considered and declined to discuss details of the investigation.

Hey, Phelpsy?

You know who’ll let you get off easy?

Me.

In bed.

And that is all I have to say about this matter.

Thanks Lacy!

Despite Beets fervent denials, Phelps was indeed smoking massive amounts of sticky icky out of that gigantic bong. 

 

Olympic great Michael Phelps acknowledged “regrettable” behavior and “bad judgment” after a photo in a British newspaper Sunday showed him inhaling from a marijuana pipe.

In a statement released to The Associated Press, the swimmer who won a record eight gold medals at the Beijing Games did not dispute the authenticity of the exclusive picture published Sunday by the tabloid News of the World.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

 

On one hand I understand the big deal and on the other hand – what the fuck is the big deal? Phelps is a role model, sure. But he is also a 23 year old half dolphin herculean beast that has been locked in a watery prison for most of his young adulthood. Even dolphins like to get twisted and wild out every once in awhile. His mistake was letting someone take a picture of it. I don’t think Michael was really planning on continuing his swim career. In all the interviews I saw where he was asked about 2012 he didn’t seem overly enthused. How do you top 8 friggin Olympic Gold Medals anyway? In any case, I commend him on his bong choice. It looks very high tech and is obviously a quality piece. Hopefully the wacky tobaccy slowed down his superhuman sperm enough for he and Beet to bear mortal children.

Hi, guys. Beet here. I’m just butting in for a minute because News of the World just ran this picture of Michael “Size Fourteen” Phelps smoking a bong. WHICH WAS PROBABLY FULL OF TOBACCO. Right?????

I just couldn’t let Soleil or anyone else write this story because they’d probably assume that this was marijuana, and you all know that my Phelpsy isn’t smoking POT. He would NEVER do a thing like that.

Because if this is weed — and someone can prove it — Phelpsy’s gonna be banned from the sport for FOUR YEARS. And probably lose all his big money endorsements.

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.

It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.

He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.

Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night.

Gasp!!!

Phelpsy!!!

You’re such a bad boy. It makes me want you EVEN MORE.

The rest of the story of Michael’s not-so-secret party habits is after the jump:

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