Kelly told us this weekend about how Lindsay Lohan’s house had been burgled … again.  Well, stalker Daddy Lohan is inserting himself into the situation getting involved.

“I am coming into town to work with private investigators in order to gather evidence which will be turned over to LAPD and the detectives assigned to the case,” Lohan told E! News.

“This time, these evildoers will be caught.”

And with Papa Lohan on the case, no one seems to have higher hopes for swift justice than, well, Papa Lohan himself, who apparently is both mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore.

“If we are fortunate, we just might find out who the culprits were from the other thefts as well,” he said.

“My children are not going to be subject to violations of this or any kind any longer. Especially when they always give to others, and it seems some of these very individuals are the ones behind these crimes.

“Dina and I are finished with this nonsense.”

Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the LAPD when Michael Lohan comes bounding into town like a modern-day Zorro, ready to assist in the investigation.  Isn’t Michael Lohan … a felon?  He needs to go back to helping Jon Gosselin get a pilot and stop this charade of trying to appear like he cares about his daughter.

The good news is that I expect his involvement in this to go much the same as when he vowed to have any and all druggies that were around his daughter arrested.  In other words, a whole lot of hot air and absolutely no action.  I just wish Dina and Michael Lohan would bottle up all this passion they have for thwarting evildoers and direct it toward getting their kid healthy.

Have you ever noticed that Michael Lohan is really good at focusing on anyone’s problems but his own?  He’s still holed up with Jon Gosselin and Star reporter “Kate Major-ly Insane” on Long Island and has now taken on the responsibility of speaking on Jon’s behalf.  I’d have to say that Michael Lohan is the last person that I’d want talking to People — to anyone — about me, my kids, or my relationships.  The last.  

Even as Jon Gosselin prepares for divorce, he hopes to remain close to his wife Kate, mom to their eight kids, according to pal Michael Lohan. 

“He would love to be friends with her,” says Lohan, the estranged father of Lindsay Lohan, who’s been showing Gosselin around the Hamptons. “They had eight kids and he would like to work things out the right way and just be friends.” 

The new buddies spent Saturday in Southampton, attending a business meeting, walking on the beach – where they were met by paparazzi – and shopping at a J. Crew store for clothes to wear to a polo match in Bridgehampton that afternoon. 

“A lot of opportunities are opening up for him,” Lohan says of his friend, referring to possible endorsement deals. 

Lohan also says Gosselin is in a good mood these days. “He’s fantastic and upbeat and said that he just wanted to concentrate on his kids and his career and his life,” he said. “It’s overwhelming for him but he’s handling it.” 

As for for Gosselin’s gal pal Hailey Glassman and the former Starmagazine reporter Gosselin’s been spotted with, Kate Major, “he’s not with either one right now,” Lohan reports. “He’s not concentrating on a relationship with any woman. He just wants to take a step back and deal with his family and his kids.” 

Now that Michael Lohan has found his way back into the spotlight, sources are coming out to People to say that Lohan needs to focus on the $12,000 he owes in back child support instead of attending polo matches with some reality-television dad-to-many.  

It’s hard to believe that there are any underage Lohans, but Ali is 15 and Dakota is 13.  I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t know there was a Dakota Lohan.  

Michael, the man who has an answer for everything, responded to the allegations.”That’s a total lie. I pay Dina and the kids cash all the time.”  Paying court ordered child support?  Not a good idea.

I truly hope Michael Lohan isn’t counseling Jon Gosselin on relationships.  Or parenting.  Or wardrobe.

… Michael Lohan is involved.

Yes, that Michael Lohan. You know he’s been salivating from the start of this, trying to figure out how best to exploit Jon’s naivete and worm himself into this story. Mission accomplished!

Yes, we all know that Jon Gosselin took Hailey Glassman to France last week, but this week he has a new girl on her arm. She’s Kate Majors, a reporter for Star, which wasted absolutely no time in getting her to confess to their coupledom. “I didn’t mean it to happen, it just did,” she says. “I went to do a story on Jon and ended up falling for him.”

My Lord, Kate Majors, your romantic life jumped straight off a porn set, drove from Malibu to New York in shiny-ass Cadillac, and bumped right into you, didn’t it? Wait … is that why your face looks that way?

And now, enter from stage left, Michael Lohan, who invited the twosome to chill with him at his place in the Hamptons on Wednesday. And Jon Gosselin, who is clearly uninterested in consulting with any professionals as regards his “image” or “career” or “future court dates,” accepted. He took the little girl to the Hamptons with MICHAEL LOHAN.

“Jon is a friend, he’s a great guy, he needed a place to get away to, and my doors were open to him and Kate Major,” Lohan says. “Jon and Kate [Major] are good friends of mine. She’s with him. Kate’s like a daughter to me. When she needed a place my doors were open.”

OMG. I don’t even want to think about the relationship Kate Major may have had with Michael Lohan before any of this went down. In fact, now I’m thinking it may have been Michael Lohan who instructed Kate Major to hook up with Jon and then take him to the Hamptons, so that Michael Lohan could become a part of this story. It’s just plain crazy.

Really, though, this plot has turned out so much better than anything I could have scripted, and I have a feeling it’ll continue to blossom beautifully. I mean, if Michael Lohan’s involved, you know Lindsay and Paris can’t be far behind. Come on, Universe. I’m asking nicely.

Michael Lohan continues his trail of crazy.  On March 18th, after his fiancee broke up with him again, he called her and threatened to kill her and himself.  Apparently the dummy didn’t know that murder-suicide threats are kind of against the law.

He wasn’t arrested until April 6th (This picture of them was taken on April 1st — so post-threat and pre-arrest.) and appeared in court yesterday.  His lawyer appeared on his behalf to answer the charges that could land Lohan in jail for a year.  Thankfully, his parole had expired a few weeks before he told his girlfriend he was going to off her.  That’s an example of good timing.

In other legal woes, Lohan will also appear in a Westbury court today to explain why he’s $12,000 behind in child support payments

Huh, who would have thought that Lindsay would be logging less time in the courts than her dad in 2009?

Michael Lohan is at it again-more talk about his daughter Lindsay and how he is going to be the one to save her.  Remember that promise he made to keep their private family business out of the media?  Yeah, he doesn’t either.

Lindsay Lohan could end up even worse off than Britney Spears, the troubled actress’ father has said.

Former Wall Street trader Michael Lohan says the Mean Girls star is spiraling into a personal disaster even worse than that of the Toxic hitmaker – and is now pleading with his famous daughter to see sense before it is too late and split from her lesbian partner Samantha Ronson.

He says, “She’s [Ronson] using her and bringing her around the wrong places.

“No matter where they go in the world, where Samantha drags Lindsay to her little DJ events, there’s always a big blow-up. Ever since Lindsay left rehab where she really got her life back together, Samantha has come back into her life and in it all went wrong for her.

“Lindsay was very vulnerable and Samantha seized on that and manipulated her.”

Now Michael is hoping to follow Britney’s dad’s example and take control of his daughter’s affairs.

He adds, “Finally Britney’s father did take control and she got her life back together.

“But Britney didn’t have Samantha Ronson in her life. Lindsay is my daughter and I love her but I’m not there to be a friend, I’m here to be a parent.

“If Lindsay doesn’t like that or is angered by what I have to say, quite frankly I don’t care because.” [sic]

It’s amazing to me, because if he just shut the fuck up and actually did something, Linds would probably be in a better place right now.  Instead, Mike has to blog, preach and tweet about the parenting he so intends to do.

His newest plan sounds like he is seriously considering obtaining a conservatorship over his daughter in an effort to protect her from the evil Samantha Ronson.  I predict that this could be the next Hollywood trend.  Rihanna is so next on the Taken Over By Daddy list.

The most brilliant part of this article?  “I don’t care because.”  I plan to use this all day today.  When I go grocery shopping and the cashier gives me my total, I’m going to say, “I don’t care because,” and see what happens.

Is this a typo or is Michael Lohan trying to tell us something?  Is Ali in trouble too?

I had predicted that Lohan would be back to his Save Lindsay campaign within weeks.  But then he took his blog down, so I thought maybe I was mistaken.  I assumed that maybe Michael finally “got” it.  You can’t discuss personal, intimate family details on your blog when you are famous.  Which makes me very happy that I’m not famous; I dime out everyone.

Anyway…he has a Twitter account!  I did not know.  Click here to add him to your list so you can get the updates on Lindsay and how she needs to be saved.

At this point, I’m two for two on my celebridictions.  Nicole Richie is, in fact, knocked up.  Michael Lohan cannot, in fact, shut his mouth.  I think the only outstanding prediction I have is that J. Lo and Marc Anthony will split by spring.

It’s a slow news week, folks.  What can I say?

Well here you have it. My final blog. And for those of you who are doubters or knockers, let me say that I never took a penny for my blog or anything I ever did for any of my children. I did what I did, out of love and concern, regardless of any of your opinions. I did it to help them, advance their careers and give them hope. I taught them that anything is possible if you really want it enough, and that when your heart is in the right place, God will make it all happen!

And although I have full confidence in Jonathan Jaxson (Who is the mastermind behind some of the best stories/blogs out there.), I have to say that when it comes to my innocent children, who are at risk and have nothing to do with the situation at hand, I have to respect their request.

Before I go, however, I must say that I received a text message from a very close and dear friend of Lindsay’s who I trust and admire. The text said, “between you and me you are doing the right thing. From what I hear, from Lindsay’s nearest and dearest friends, Lindsay is worse off than ever since she she has been with Sam. I told Dina that Lindsay needs you back in her life, and I think you know that I was the one who really helped Linds get into rehab.”
Without divulging this person’s identity, let me say that I know this person and I trust him/her very much. As a matter of fact, I spent time with him/her and wish that he/she was still part of Lindsay’s life.

For the record, when it comes to sexual preference, I am not biased. What matters most is the substance of an individual rather than their preference.It is the love and intent behind the relationship that matters. Something I can not give much credence to when it comes to Samantha. Just look at Samantha’s tax returns before she “engaged” Lindsay, and then after! Look at Lindsay’s career before Samantha and after! Look at all the things Lindsay accomplished and had going for her before Samantha and after. And finally, consider how Lindsay spent every holiday with her family before she met Samantha and then after. Would Lindsay ever leave her little sister in LA with Jenni, and leave with Samantha like she recently did when she went to Boston?! NEVER!

I was with Lindsay when she got out of Cirque Lodge. I saw and experienced the “old Lindsay” with so much hope and promise. I had full confidence in her. Then back came Samantha! Can’t you all see this? Am I speaking to stone walls? All I ask that you put your selves in my shoes and HONESTLY consider what you would do.

As I said, this is my final blog, and I hope what I have said and expressed to you and Lindsay, have a positive effect on your lives.

God Bless you ALL, be well and thank you for your input. Good, bad, positive, or negative, I have learned a lot from all of you.
Be Blessed!!!!

First of all, I don’t appreciate Michael Lohan addressing my knockers.  Offensive and inappropriate, okay?

As for the rest, don’t worry.  If this goes anything like his last truce, we can expect full-fledged rantings again within the next couple weeks.  A couple of other thoughts:

Does anyone else find it odd that the mysterious texting friend writes in the exact same style of sentence structure as Michael?  I wonder who he/she could be?  The poor comma usage is a clear indication that it was either written by him or me.

Michael mentions Jonathan Jaxson; that’s his publicist.  I feel confident Jaxson is making sure that Michael never takes a penny from his blog or for anything else he ever did for any of his children.  After all, isn’t that the purpose of a publicist?