Holy moly. A whopping 1.6 million people from around the world put their names in the lottery to win tickets for the Michael Jackson memorial service at the Staples Center on Tuesday. There was a random drawing of 8,750 names, and the winners are being notified today.

The tickets will admit 11,000 people to the Staples Center plus 6,500 in the Nokia Theater overflow section next door. The streets around the stadium will be closed to prevent those without tickets from trying to attend, police said Sunday.

If you’re not one of the lucky (?) people to win tickets for what is sure to be the histrionic shit-show of the century, don’t fret. Every television station ever is going to be covering it. Frankly, to me, this sounds kind of like any major event — I’d just rather be watching it from the comfort of my living room. If there’s anything I hate more than crowds, it’s screaming crowds.

Arnold Klein, the pimp dermatologist who allegedly fathered Michael Jackson’s children, speaks with media outside his home in Los Angeles. This looks nothing like the previous photo we saw of Klein. He’s really let himself go in recent years, I guess. Either that, or he’s carrying three more of Michael’s children in his uterus. (Seriously, though, the shirt is stained in like three places. So gross. I would never let this guy touch my skin.)

After reading an entire Quincy Jones interview on the Style.com website, I have a new found respect for this dude.  Finally, a celebrity is willing to speak the truth regarding Michael Jackson.  Jackson was an addict, he didn’t want to be black as evidenced by his skin bleaching and white, adopted kids, and he lied about having conditions that he probably didn’t suffer from.

Q: You were there to witness the strange evolution in Michael’s appearance. Did you ever step in and saying anything about it?
A: Oh, we talked about it all the time. But he’d come up with, “Man, I promise you I have this disease,” and so forth, and “I have a blister on my lungs,” and all that kind of b.s. It’s hard, because Michael’s a Virgo, man—he’s very set in his ways. You can’t talk him out of it. Chemical peels and all that stuff.

Q: Did you believe him about the disease?
A: I don’t believe in any of that bullshit, no. No. Never. I’ve been around junkies and stuff all my life. I’ve heard every excuse. It’s like smokers—”I only smoke when I drink” and all that stuff. But it’s bullshit. You’re justifying something that’s destructive to your existence. It’s crazy. I mean, I came up with Ray Charles, man. You know, nobody gonna pull no wool over my eyes. He did heroin 20 years! Come on. And black coffee and gin for 40 years. But when he called me to come over to see him when he was in the hospital on his way out, man, he had emphysema, hepatitis C, cirrhosis of the liver, and five malignant tumors. Please, man! I’ve been around this all my life. So it’s hard for somebody to pull the wool over my eyes. But when somebody’s hell-bent on it, you can’t stop ‘em. 

Q: But it must’ve been so disturbing to see Michael’s face turn into what it turned into.
A: It’s ridiculous, man! Chemical peels and all of it. And I don’t understand it. But he obviously didn’t want to be black.

Q: Is that what it was?
A: Well, what do you think? You see his kids?

Jones also revealed that he won’t be attending the funeral, because “being there with 10 million people is not my idea of a tribute to somebody you were so close to—who’s got a part of your soul. Our souls were joined, you know. And a piece of it goes with him.”

Michael Jackson’s memorial service is next Tuesday at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.  Like all Michael’s previous performances, ticket agencies will be involved.  I think this is very sad.

Michael’s whole life seems to have been centered around making money.  As a child, his focus was making money with Jackson 5 to help support his family.  As an adult, he achieved huge heights of fame, yet seemed constantly plagued by the problems his fortune garnered him.  Now, even the mourning of his death will be an assigned seating, ticket-stub event.

Michael Jackson’s will was filed and there weren’t too many surprises.  One thing that was unexpected is that Jackson named Diana Ross as the guardian of his children if his mother Katherine was unable to fulfill the obligation.

Ross seems like such an odd choice considering her age (65), as well as her documented struggle with alcohol addiction.  Well, it would be an odd choice except for the fact that Michael Jackson was the decision maker.  Therefore, it really was to be expected.

In other oddities, he claimed that his estate was worth $500,000,000.  I’m assuming this number is pre-numerous lawsuits that have been pending against him.

Let’s hope that his kids can get settled and he can rest in peace.  Though, like Elvis, I suspect that’s never going to happen.

I expected Jackson album sales to be exceptionally high this week, but I had no idea just how staggering the numbers would be: Based on preliminary sales numbers from Nielsen SoundScan, the top nine positions on Billboard’s Top Pop Catalog Albums chart will house Jackson-related titles when the tally is released in the early morning on Wednesday. Remember, too, that SoundScan’s tracking ends on a Sunday — just three days after Michael’s death. These numbers will be even bigger for the coming week.

“Number Ones” will fittingly lead the pack at No. 1 with sales of 108,000 (an increase of 2,340 percent) while “The Essential Michael Jackson” and “Thriller” are in the second and third slots with 102,000 and 101,000, respectively. Last week “Number Ones” was the only Jackson title on the chart, at No. 20 with 4,000 copies; both “Essential” and “Thriller” re-enter the tally this week.

Additionally, his classic 1979 studio set “Off the Wall” re-enters at No. 4 with 33,000 while his 1987 album “Bad” returns at No. 6 with 17,000. At No. 5, the Jackson 5’s “The Ultimate Collection” debuts with 18,000. Jackson’s fourth studio album for Epic Records, 1991’s “Dangerous,” re-enters at No. 7 with 14,000, and his 2001 compilation, “Greatest Hits: HIStory — Volume 1,” returns to the list at No. 8 with 12,000. Finally, Jackson’s 2004 box set, “The Ultimate Collection,” charts its first week on the Pop Catalog chart, arriving at No. 9 with 11,000.

The lone non-Jackson-related set in the top 10 is a reissue of the “Woodstock” movie soundtrack, which bows at No. 10 with 8,000.

Oh, and BET Awards on Sunday — a last-minute Jackson tribute — brought in over 10M viewers. That’s even higher than the Jon & Kate season five premiere, and will probably wind up being the most-watched show in the network’s history. An estimated 10% of televisions that were on at that time were tuned to the ceremony.

Meanwhile, Michael’s will is expected to be filed in probate court very soon, but details are already starting to leak out: He left custody of his three children to his mother, Katherine, and the remainder of his assets be put in a private trust. His father, Joe Jackson, was not specifically excluded from the will, as had been rumored earlier.

I cannot believe this!  At least twelve fanatical Michael Jackson worshippers have committed suicide since the King of Pop’s death.  Did this happen when Elvis or John Lennon died?  I am beyond troubled. 

Please — no one’s death should result in people ending their own lives!  Even Jesse Jackson agrees.