What the Hell Happened to Michael Jackson?
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
Apparently he’s stuck in a wheelchair with a bad case of crazy.
I have nothing more to say about this.
It’s all just so pathetic and sad.
Archive for the ‘Michael Jackson’ Category
Michael Jackson is a Caca-face Pedophile
Monday, May 21st, 2007
The kids over at Radar got their hands on some of the Michael Jackson “memorabilia” that will be auctioned off by a New Jersey man on May 30-31 at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas. Among the trinkets? A copy of the Jackson House Rules for members of the Rubberhead Club, a group made up primarily of young boys who visited Jackson’s Neverland Ranch. Authored by Michael.
My friends and I had a club like this when I was a kid, too. The key difference is that none of us was 48 years old. And we were a little more flexible about the drug use.
Quote of the Day
Monday, February 19th, 2007
“Manuela Ruiz was dying. Michael Jackson was also dying … but instead, dying not to go to court that day for his then-pending and highly publicized criminal trial for child molestation.”
From the latest legal action filed against Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson Sued Again
Monday, February 19th, 2007
You know, last night I was at happy hour at Ocean Avenue Seafood in Santa Monica (my first time there and I cannot recommend it highly enough — amazing seafood!) with some friends, and, two or three mojitos in, one of the guys was talking about how the kid who’d sued Michael Jackson for a little underage pitchin’ and catchin’ got $11M out of the deal. “So here’s the question,” he asked the other men at the table, “Would you let Michael Jackson give you a little reach-around … and maybe a little more … for eleven million dollars?” The answer from these hetero men — again, several mojitos in — was a resounding yes. Hey, it’s a lot of money.
Anyway, it turns out nobody even needs to get molested to sue Michael Jackson. You just need someone in the same hospital as him to kick the bucket. Jacko and a hospital are being sued by the family of 73-year-old Manuela Ruiz, after she was allegedly “treated like cargo” in the hospital after Michael arrived. She died later that night, after suffering a heart attack earlier in the day.
Update: Found the link to the full story here. The hospital being sued is the Marian Medical Center in Santa Barbara County.
Michael Jackson’s Kids Revealed!
Thursday, February 1st, 2007
As I recall, the last time we saw Michael Jackson’s children, he was dangling one of them over a balcony in Germany (Or England? Who cares?). But I guess some photogs got tired of trailing Paris Hilton around Beverly Hills and filling up her gas tank, so they decided to hoof it out to Vegas (where Britney Spears is rumored to be working on her new album) and stalk the Jackson kids. The Jackson clan is hanging out in Sin City as Michael bangs out the details on what is rumored to be a comeback show in Vegas. Michael has been notorious for guarding the faces and identities of his children (yeah, right, that’s why Michael Jackson’s notorious…), but he must have let his guard down, because they got some pretty stellar shots of the kids — Prince Michael I, Prince Michael II and Paris — with the nannies at Circus Circus.
Now, the official Jackson party line on the pedigree of these children is that Michael is the biological father, but I’m certain I’m not the only one who’s noticed that they don’t look in the least bit black. I’m no expert on this sort of thing, but, having spent a great deal of time in my life around both people who identify as “black” and people who identify as “white,” I’ve developed what I feel is a strong gut ability to determine whether someone is “black” or “not in any way by any stretch of the imagination even by a long shot maybe just a little bit black.” These kids fall firmly into the second category.
Black or white, though, they sure are freaking adorable. I bet they’re absolute nightmares in person.
Vegas Baby, Vegas
Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
I’ve missed Michael Jackson. He’s a freakshow and he makes me feel better about my own pathetic life. I run through a mental checklist everytime I see him. Strange plastic surgery? Not me. Child luring theme park? Wouldn’t even think to build one. Inventor of the moonwalk? Hell no, I rock the Roger Rabbit! You get the point.
Today is a good day because my boy is back in the news for a couple of stories. The first is that he’s suing his accountants. Yawn. Everyone knows that accountants steal and the government harvests brains for moon colonies. Not a shocker there. But there is one more interesting tidbit:
“Rumor has it the entertainer plans to take a page out of Céline Dion’s book and develop a live show on the Strip.”
Jacko in Vegas? Oh boy! I’d long hoped for this, especially as the prevailing wisdom was he’d keep molestin’ in an “old school” manner overseas. I mean, even his proud poppa thought we’d never get our fill of Michael again:
His father, (shoeless) Joe Jackson, speculated that his son would never live in the U.S. again because of the way he had been treated.
Yep, he was denied life, liberty, and the pursuit of being freaky deaky. With this news we can all count our blessings that we’ll be able to catch a Dion / Jackson double feature right before we hit the strip clubs, and afterwards we’ll plummet to our death from the 85th floor of the Bellagio. Classy!
Billie Jean is Back in a Major Way
Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
I saw Casino Royale yesterday and heard Chris Cornell bust out the theme. It wasn’t as bad as you’d think. But I’ve stumbled across something so horrific that you must listen to it post haste.
Chris Cornell covers Michael Jackson’s ‘Billie Jean’ Here.
I have no idea how long that will stay up so hurry. The song could’ve have been a good cover by someone, somewhere, but Chris comes off like a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Brian Adams. Beautifully Wretched. Enjoy it.
Picking up the Pieces: Whitney is BACK, Bitches!
Tuesday, October 31st, 2006Whitney Houston makes her first public appearance, newly sober and split from Bobby Brown, looking great. Let the comeback begin! [Celebrity Smack]
Michael Jackson moonwalks back onto our national radar, announcing plans to marry his children’s nanny and make a rare public appearance at the World Music Awards in London. Everybody stay very quiet. Maybe he’ll just go away. [Hollyscoop and Hollywood Backwash]
X17 has footage of Lindsay Lohan less than an hour before she was spotted screaming and crying in her vehicle after all-night partying. She leaves Paris Hilton’s house with a pizza box covering her face, walks into her car (like, literally — she runs right into it, with the pizza box obstructing her vision), then drives off. When the paparazzi are asking if you’re okay to drive, maybe you should ask yourself the same question, Linds. [X17]
Live television is so much fun! Isn’t that right, SNL? [Defamer]
It’s cute when photogs decide they’re going to stop bloggers from using their photos. [HGW]
