Quick!

SOMEONE CALL MY EX-BOYFRIEND!

I’m interested in sports now!

He’ll keel over and die, probably, if he finds out. No, he probably won’t do that. He won’t even answer the phone, because he’ll be too busy playing Madden Football on his Playstation.

But seriously the sports world is really interesting right now.

First, New York Giants wide receiver/supergenius Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg when he brought a loaded gun into a Manhattan night club. The Giants have suspended him without pay for the rest of the season, but Mayor Bloomberg wants him to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law — which would mean three-and-a-half years in jail, under New York’s laws about carrying loaded guns. The video above is of Mayor Bloomberg making a passionate argument for Burress to serve jail time, and, personally, I agree with him.

Meanwhile, hockey stand-out Sean Avery has been suspended indefinitely by the NHL after publicly talking shit about dudes stealing his ex-girlfriends. Seriously. Check this shit out:

Avery’s inflammatory comments came following a morning skate in Calgary, Alberta, where the Stars were to play the Flames on Tuesday night. Reporters were waiting to speak with him about disparaging remarks he’d made last month about Flames star Jarome Iginla when Avery walked over to the group and asked if there was a camera present. When told there was, he said, “I’m just going to say one thing.”

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada,” he said. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.” He then walked out of the locker room.

Avery’s ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert of the television show “24″ and the movie “Old School,” is dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf; she had been romantically linked to Mike Komisarek of the Montreal Canadiens. Avery also dated Rachel Hunter, the former Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model and actress who is now the girlfriend of Los Angeles Kings center Jarrett Stoll.

Um, the sports world is actually way more interesting than the gossip world right now.

Maybe I should become a sports blogger!

Ahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

I should do that one day. Just convert this blog to “Evil Beet Sports” and pretend to be a sports blogger for a day. How funny would that shit be???