While we do love our international readers, we also love the USA, and we love having a day off from everything. So we’re taking the day off to hang out on the beach and BBQ and hopefully not sunburn too badly. See you all tomorrow!
Me: Oh, hi there. Strange running into you here. So, it seems like you really like The Evil Beet.
Spammer: Very interesting. Great resource. Thanks you much. Rape porn! Christian debt relief! Gourmet food baskets!
Me: Gosh, thanks. That means a lot. See, sometimes I feel like the information we provide here is a little bit shallow, you know? Like we’re more an aggregator than a genuine content generator. But you genuinely like it?
Spammer: Great site! Hope it will always be alive! I will tell all my friends about your site. Incest porn! Floor tiles! Bankruptcy attorneys!
Me: Okay, but I get concerned about the blog format. Maybe we should have it organized in a more traditional format, so visitors can easily find the information they’re looking for. I used to have a set of categories along the right-hand column, but the PHP script I was running seemed to use a lot of CPU resources and would occasionally lead to down time, so I took it off.
Spammer: Great site! Easy to navigate. I will return with soon. Replica Rolex watches! Bubble butts! Bed Bath and Beyond! Cheetos.
Me: That’s so reassuring. Because I’m basically like this girl who dropped out of high school and had a teensy weensy substance abuse problem for like ten years but in the midst of all of it I figured out how to use a computer and then I set this thing up so I could talk shit about celebrities and the whole world could hear all the funny thoughts I think that I used to wish the whole world could hear, but I look at all those sites out there being run by web development experts, and I get concerned that this thing just looks like a grossly amateurish effort.
Spammer: The site’s very professional! Great design! Keep up the good work! Hair loss solution! Free spyware! Father son porn. Russian horny woman.
Me: So do you feel as though I’ve effectively differentiated this blog? There’s so much competition in this space, and we’re all essentially reporting the same news, and lots of the other writers are smart and funny and knowledgeable, too.
Spammer: Good site - you’re a pretty good writer. I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you! Sexy boobs. Black boobs. Baby got boobs. Naked boobs. Teen boobs. Duran Duran.
Me: What would you say is your favorite part of The Evil Beet?
Spammer: Cool guestbook… Hairy teen. Pink teen. Hot teen ass. Naturalist teen.
Me: Naturalist teen?
Spammer: Yeah.
Me: Really?
Spammer: Yeah.
Me: God.
Spammer: I know.
[Jump in for the rest!]
Not that anyone cares, but our genius of a webmaster (yours truly) finally figured out how to import the rest of the EB archives over from our old Blogger site. So if you want to know what was happening in, say, October 2006, it’s here now. Damn, I’m good. Only took me two months. Someone should give me a degree in computer science…
You know the part of this site that exists around the text? That purplish-gray boring stuff? Well, we don’t really like it, and we have no idea what to do with it, so we’re trying a new game: using images our readers send in. Do you have an image you want us to use as the background? Send it in! Send all images (in JPEG form) to evilbeet (at) gmail (dot) com. We’ll start alternating the background image based on the images YOU send in.
Get creative, or don’t. Send in pictures of yourself, your friends, your dogs, your drawings, your hobbies, your closet, your math test, whatever. No pornography, and no photos of people who haven’t consented to having their image used (yes, it was really funny when your best friend got super trashed and peed on herself, but we’re not running the photo). Also, nothing that’s strictly advertising. We’ll try this out for a week or two, and if it goes well, we’ll continue. So show us what you’ve got, Beet readers.
Hello, lovely readers!
I’m taking off in the wee hours of tomorrow morning (read: 10 a.m.) for fabulous Park City, Utah, where I will be covering the Sundance Film Festival for Film.com through Monday. I’m taking Spiteful Lars with me, because he makes me laugh and he’ll carry my bags.
This means we are leaving The Beet in the very capable hands of Miss Evil T, who will be popping in every now and then to make you laugh and to keep you updated on the very latest gossip on the five celebrities who will not be with me, snorting cocaine off Christina Ricci’s ass-cheek in a predominantly Mormon state whose bars close at one in the morning.
Film.com will be covering all aspects of the festival, with regular video updates, film reviews, photo galleries and staff diaries. You can check it all out here. So read it, watch it, look at it, link to it, live it with us and love it the way we love you.
My brilliant, beautiful, amazing friend Desirae, who has graciously lent me her laptop for the week since mine decided to have a complete crisis of self (and CPU) smack in the middle of finals week. THANK YOU DESIRAE! I LOVE YOU!
Very close runners-up are Evil T and Spiteful Lars, who have been keeping this thing going smoothly while I have been computer-deficient. Even when my computer is running too slowly for me to post, it perks up my day and makes me laugh out loud (in a good way) to read what they’ve posted. I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO!!!
We should be back to normal around here in the next couple of days. Thank you all for reading. Mwah!
-The Beet
From Blogger’s status blog:
Thursday, November 30, 2006
We are currently investigating the intermittent 502 error pages on the new version of Blogger in beta and its Blog*Spot blogs. If you experience one of these errors, waiting a minute or so and refreshing may help.
I’ve talked to a few other gossip bloggers, all of whom are experiencing insane levels of traffic from people searching for Britney’s vagina. At Evil Beet yesterday we experienced traffic at more than ten times our normal level. Today we’re on track for that to be twenty times. I wonder if this sudden traffic surge is impacting Google’s Blogger servers. Man, I hope so. I hope Britney’s vagina broke Google.
Related: sorry for the 502 errors. It’s not my fault! If you try to load the site and it won’t come up, try again in a few minutes. Thanks for reading! (Or, um, looking, as is the case for most of you.)
Quick note from the Beet: I apologize for the incredibly slow load times lately. We’re seeing unprecedented levels of traffic, thanks to the whole freakin’ world searching for pictures of Britney Spears’ vagina. Unfortunately, they’re not our servers (but thank you, Google, for letting us use yours for free), so there’s not a whole lot we can do. Hang in there, and I’m sure traffic (and load times) will be back to normal once someone who plays sports does something interesting.
Update: For those of you who have shown up here looking for these pictures, they are here and here. Enjoy! Tell your friends! Masturbate! Vomit! Sigh…
