Please watch the clip above, from the original Melrose Place, when Kimberly puts a bomb in the complex and everyone blows up.

When they were filming this, I’m sure they knew they had thoroughly jumped the shark, but little did they know that, over a decade later, this scene would be a fitting parallel for the show’s remake.

The Ashlee Simpson-starrer’s series premiere scored horrible ratings. In fact, the WORST. The show came in last place in network ratings, despite a ton of hype. (Although I’d been hearing from insiders for months that the CW was crazy to ever even air it — everyone knew it was crap.) It’ll be off the air after another one or two episodes air, if that. Wendie totally called it. In fairness, I predicted this back in April, but at the time I thought they’d get at least a half-season. I’d like to edit that to say I think they’ll get at least their first paycheck. Maybe.

Are we all tuning into the Melrose Place premiere tonight?  Uh … no?  Oh, well.  I just watched this extended trailer of the show and read the show synopsis — I’m now pretty convinced that its lease is going to expire in five episodes or less.  

Fans will recall that when Melrose Place went off the air in 1999, Sydney Andrews was left for dead after being hit by a car, and Dr. Michael Mancini was last seen helping Peter Burns and Amanda Woodward flee the country. Apparently, a lot can happen in 10 years.

In the premiere, Sydney is now the landlord of Melrose Place, and she’s been messing around with Michael’s estranged son David Breck, played by Shaun Sipos. “Sydney’s always been sort of doomed to be the center of controversy,” Leighton says, “and she’s very much in that position.”

Also returning is Josie Bissett, who played Jane Mancini. But as for the infamous Amanda Woodward, played by Heather Locklear, her comeback is still uncertain, although Locklear is in talks with producers.

“Not only would it be exciting to have her back on the show, it would be exciting to have all of the old cast members back on the show at some point,” Calabro says. “They all brought their own unique persona and talent.”

In case the show’s writers need any help coming up with an Amanda storyline, Calabro has an idea: “There would be some bloody battle between Amanda and Michael,” he envisions. “What would be really fun is if we were fighting over the same woman! Now that would be interesting and different.”

Did I say five episodes?  I meant three.  If anyone watches, please post your thoughts on how the first episode was.

LOOK HOW HIP THE CW IS, YOU GUYS!!!!

The trailer for the upcoming Ashlee Simpson-starring Melrose Place features Britney’s “Circus.” That should be your first clue that this is a really bad trailer. Like, you can take pretty much the shittiest show on television and find some way to make it look compelling in a 60-second trailer. But this? Is a giant fail. I can’t even fathom tuning in for this show.