Donald and Melania took little Barron — who turns two on March 20 — to a fundraising event for the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in Midtown.

This is one seriously adorable child. The Donald must be pissed that another ultra-wealthy Barron — cough cough — went and got himself a DUI, proving that no matter what an absurdly elitist name you choose to award your child, you can’t stop him from eventually behaving like a human being.

Meanwhile, on the Upper West Side, Barron’s 30-year-old half-brother Donald Jr took wife Vanessa to the American Museum of Natural History’s Winter Dance, where they were joined by Anne Hathaway, Tinsley Mortimer, Jessica Stam, Amanda Hearst, Ralph Lauren, Thom Filicia, and other people who you might imagine attend any manner of “Winter Dance” after the eighth grade. I don’t even think I attended the winter dance in eighth grade. I had my parents drop me off, then promptly went behind the school to get high while I let my boyfriend get to third base. Because even at age thirteen I understood that I was way too cool for anything called a Winter Dance. Apparently these folks never got the memo.

Every time I see a picture of this woman I want to remind her to wash her contact lenses properly. Like, sweetheart, you’re supposed to be able to open your eyes all the way. You should see an opthamologist about that.

At a Memorial Sloan-Kettering fundraiser in NYC today.