Oksana Grigorieva has just given birth to Mel Gibson’s eighth child.

I am therefore requesting that all of you smart, sensible, responsible, sane human beings out there who are in stable relationships drop trow and get to making some babies, immediately. If you’re in a same-sex relationship, do your part and donate your white squigglies, get artificially inseminated, adopt, and do whatever else you can to raise some kids in your smart, sensible, stable, sane homes.

Because at the rate people like Mel Gibson, Octomom, and the Duggar family are going, it won’t be long before we’re outnumbered.

Do your part.

Mel Gibson hit up church this morning and then mosied on over to a liquor store to pick up a pack of Marlboros before heading to see a friend in Calabasas, CA. Just a typical Sunday for the famous friend of Jesus. I suppose we should just be happy that the rehabbed star wasn’t purchasing any communal wine to wash down those smokey treats.

At what age will Mel Gibson not be at clubs and getting into fights?  Whatever age that is, he clearly isn’t there yet.

Last night Mel was at a club with his pregnant girlfriend Oksana Gregorieva and a pap tried getting a picture of them.  He was stopped by security, but another photog friend stepped in to try and get the shot.  That’s when — what else? — Mel went batshit and ripped the dude’s shirt open.  No word on if he called the pap “sugar tits”.  Sigh.

You know, this “bad boy” personna — the trashed hotel rooms, the bar room brawls — is a rite of passage for many young thesps.  The problem is that Johnny Depp and Sean Penn did this crap in their twenties.  Mel Gibson is 53.

Expect that some sort of criminal case, not to mention the lawsuit for emotional distress, will be filed.  I wonder if Mel will ever make the connection between his alcohol consumption and the chaotic events of his life.

Oksana Grigorieva, knocked up girlfriend of Mel Gibson has released a video for her newest single, “Beautiful Heartache.”  When I wrote a not completely defamatory post about her last song, she Facebook friend requested me within ten minutes of publishing.  I expect to be blocked after she catches wind of this post.  But …

What the hell does this video (and song) mean?  All I can interpret is “I love you, (I love the way you wear your skin,) I’ll do anything for you, even if you want to throw knives at me, (I love the way you wear your skin,) even if it means I have to play this piano while it’s on fire.”

The video took seven days — seven days — to shoot and was directed by Mel Gibson.

Mel Gibson has signed on to accept the leading role in Jodie Foster’s latest directorial effort (she’ll also play the wife of Mel’s character), The Beaver.  The movie centers on Mel’s character, a depressed man, and how he finds levity by wearing a beaver puppet named Sugar Tits.  Okay, I’m lying about the Sugar Tits part, but the rest is the truth. 

Do you feel like you’re being Punk’d right now?  Because you aren’t.  Are you checking your calendar to see if it’s April 1st?  It isn’t.  This is an honest to goodness true news item.  And I didn’t even read about it in Star.  I read about it in Variety … a respected industry trade mag.  Frighteningly enough, that means this movie is probably happening as soon as they secure financing.  And I’d like the investor who decides to throw their $18M at this project to reveal themselves.  I wouldn’t throw my $10.50 at a movie ticket to see this thing. 

As an aside, to all my fellow Golden Girlsfans:  Do you remember the GG episode when Stan was in therapy, trying to get over the end of his marriage to Dorothy?  To help alleviate his depression, his therapist makes him go everywhere with a traffic cone dressed up like a monkey.  That episode is called “The Monkey Show.”  Skip this movie and rent that off Netflix instead.

It’s a weird picture of Mel Gibson, but it’s not every day that you get to see a jackass on a horse.

In Touch has an article in their print edition — and a huge thanks to our friends at Celebitchy for reading it and sparing the general public the pain — that shares all the details of Mel Gibson’s “generosity” towards Oksana Grigorieva AKA the woman carrying his spawn.  In addition to diamonds and a car and a promise of a nanny, he pays her a $10,000 for a monthly allowance.  And you know what I say to that?  Big deal.  I mean, this chick is going to have to put up with Mel Gibson in some capacity for at least the next 18 years.  $10K can’t buy enough tranqs to make that pain go away.

Granted, Oksana has her own career and doesn’t need Mel’s millions.  She’s obviously with him for his great personality.  You know, right after I wrote that her music didn’t completely sound like dying cats she friend requested me on Facebook.  When I saw the request I was thinking, “Why does that name sound familiar?”  After a minute I figured it out and accepted.  And was so tempted to write on her wall, “Sugartits!  Thanks for the add!”

Mel Gibson’s girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, mostly known for getting knocked up by famous leading men, is actually quite a musical talent.  She’s a classically trained pianist and is releasing an album titled Beautiful Heartbreak.

Oksana defines the song “Say My Name” (no relation to Destiny’s Child), a tune she co-wrote with Mel Gibson, as “naked, intimate, raw emotion, little more than piano and voice as if it is a cry from the soul.”  You can hear it here.

And, I don’t know.  All the bloggers are comparing the song to the sounds of dying cats and nails on a chalkboard and Scarlett Johansson.  What do you think?  I actually didn’t think it was that horrible.