“He doesn’t wanna be here. He doesn’t want to be my date. He’s a man, he has an ego.”

Total hottie Megan Fox, when asked about fiance Brian Austin Green failing to accompany her to the Golden Globes.

This relationship is SO DOOMED and it has been FOREVER. Listen up, Brian, you’ve got absolutely no business with a girl like Megan in the first place, but if you want to hang on to this miraculous thing you’ve got going here, you oughtta worship the ground that girl and her ridiculous tattoos walk on!

[W]hen megan fox was 19, she posed half-naked for a magazine photo shoot and boasted in the accompanying interview that she possessed “the libido of a 15-year-old boy.” (She also described a tattoo she’d gotten of her boyfriend’s name as being “next to my pie”—not exactly the kind of thing you say if you’re hoping to keep a low profile.) At that time, Fox was filming the third season of ABC’s Hope & Faith, a family-friendly sitcom starring Kelly Ripa that’s best summed up by its eventual fate—syndication on the WE network—and she was fed up with playing the coquettish yet chaste teen. The show was repressing her, she says, tamping down her sexuality: “Sex is something that everyone does, so why can’t I talk about it?” Sexual double standards make Fox angry, and when conversation turns to tabloid-flamed scandals surrounding other teen stars who’ve been photographed in various stages of nudity and seminudity, she goes off: “With any of the Miley Cyrus shit, or any of that Vanessa Hudgens shit—I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It’s like, Oh, I’m sorry I took a naked, private picture that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I’m sorry if someone else is a dick. No. You shouldn’t have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.”

Can I get that on the record?

“Yeah. Fuck Disney.”

There goes your career.

“Yeah, that was probably a bad move—they own everything. But it’s not right. They take these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won’t allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick.”

It seems like the closest you’ve come to a controversy like that are those paparazzi photos of you reaching under the table to grope Brian at a restaurant.

“I don’t understand why they’re so scandalous. When they first came out, it was like, Megan Fox was giving Brian a blow job in pub—I mean, uh—a hand job in public. First: Who gives hand jobs? Who’s given a hand job since seventh grade? Not me. And who does it at a café on a public street? I touch him all the time. It’s just like, if you have a girlfriend, you grab her butt or whatever. That’s all it was, but it became a big deal. I don’t know why. For me, touching Brian’s dick for two seconds—that’s not part of our sex life. That’s me playing around; you know, you just cup it a little. For a few seconds.”

Just a tidbit of this brilliant interview GQ has with Megan Fox this month. A must-read!

Stupid Shia LaBeouf has his left hand in his damn pocket in EVERY SINGLE PHOTO from the Eagle Eye LA premiere. You can see a little hint of the cast here, but, for the most part, he’s just being a total cocktease about it. Whip it out, Shia!

Also there: Megan Fox, looking totally edible, Michelle Monaghan, looking totally pregnant, and Rosario Dawson, looking like she’s had some work done, but I can’t pinpoint what.

This is really a fantastic set of photos, because we get too see Shia LaBeouf and his be-bandaged hand on the set of Transformers 2, plus a nice look at Megan Fox adjusting her titties.

Sometimes the gods just give us these little gifts, and we must accept them humbly.

“I should have toned up for ‘Transformers’ but I’m really lazy. I had to put on weight. I’d lost a lot of weight and got really scrawny, but I was told I had to put on size for ‘Transformers’ because Michael [Bay, the director] doesn’t like skinny girls … I have a serious sugar tooth, so now I eat red-velvet cake before I go to bed every night, and if you eat meals later, you’ll put on weight faster, so I had dinner at 10 p.m.”

Super-hottie Megan Fox, about how she transitioned from her ultra-skinny look for Jennifer’s Body to a larger look for the Transformers sequel.

How David Silver is banging, like, the hottest chick in Hollywood is a total mystery to me.

And how he’s complaining about it is an even bigger mystery.

He began comparing Megan to the girl that he had been going out with before her who he’d broken up with for Fox, saying that Fox is behaving just like her. Apparently, the 21-year-old Transformer star is extremely set in her ways. The entire relationship was based on her terms, beginning with a “white board,” upon which the pair would document the amount of time allotted to their relationship, family, and work. Green strove to maintain a fifty percent balance between time spent each other, and time spent apart. Fox, however, would sneak behind his back and erase planned dates with Green in order to have more time away from him. In fact, she would regularly cancel plans at the last moment, often by text. Throughout their turbulent relationship, Fox would threaten to get her lawyer involved in their disputes, while Green expressed his shock to his friend as he has never had a personal attorney in his “entire” life. He complained animatedly about how “unfair” their relationship was.

He must have landed her before she was all famous and shit.

Now it’s time for her to date Tony Romo.

The absolutely stunning Megan Fox walks the red carpet at the Hollywood Film Festival’s 11th Annual Hollywood Awards.

I can’t even remember that one movie she did once, but who cares?

She’s so purty.