According to Gatecrasher, audiences who attended Monday’s preview performance of Matthew Broderick’s new play were ready to shoot “The Starry Messenger.”

When a Broadway-bound show does a preview,  you can expect that there will still be some kinks to work out, however Broderick’s performance was plagued from the beginning.  The actor didn’t know his lines and had to ask for a prompt ten times in the first act.  It could be a loooooong week for the actor, as shows are scheduled through Friday.

“Broderick should be fined for this sort of thing,” one angry user wrote. “The theater, the producers, Kenneth Lonergan (the director) and Broderick should be ashamed to have let an audience in for this.”

Another Broadway fan who hadn’t even seen the show chimed in: “For God’s sake, they are charging good money for this, and it is indeed unconscionable to use these as rehearsals. I only hope they do cancel this week of performances because I, too, have a ticket, and I don’t want to endure this either.”

Perhaps audience members were being a bit harsh. It was just a preview, after all, and a source close to the show says that a recent casting change may have led to the play’s rocky start. Merwin Goldsmith replaced Jonathan Hadary just this past weekend.

But our insider says Broderick’s flubs were more than just a few butchered lines. “It was an overall mess,” said the source. “He kept apologizing under his breath after he forgot a line, and everyone in the audience started to feel awkward.”

It’s a bad start for Broderick and his “Starry Messenger” run, which comes right after some unkind critical notices for Sarah Jessica Parker’s hubby. Several outlets panned his performance in “The Philanthropist,” which ran from April to June. While one review commented on his “dullness,” others even got a little personal, dissing the sideburns he grew for the part.

Audiences can be so harsh.  He was probably too busy taking care of the newborn twins he shares with SJP to be studying lines.  Cut a dork a break.  The producers of the show obviously agree that there’s lots of work yet to be done.  The show’s release date has been bumped a week to November 23rd.

SJP and Matthew Broderick are the proud parents of twin girls born this morning via surrogate.  No word yet on names for the babes, but since they named their first child James, I think we can safely assume that these two won’t be called Armchair and Ottoman or anything of that genre.

I’m sure the celebs are thrilled and relieved to have their healthy babies, but I bet that surrogate is the most overjoyed to have these high-profile celebuspawns out of her uterus.  Between the threats and the break-ins, this lady sounds like she could use some normalcy in her life.

I’ll update here when the names are released later today.

UPDATE: According to People, “Born at 3:58 p.m., Marion Loretta Elwell weighed 5 lbs., 11 oz, and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 lbs. ‘Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker’s side.’”

Well, I suppose this is one way to put the break-up rumors to rest. Despite being hounded this year by talk that their relationship is crumbling, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick announced today that they’re expecting twin girls, by a surrogate.

The couple, who already have son James Wilkie, 6, announced Tuesday they’re “happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate. The entire family is overjoyed.”

Sarah is 44 and Matthew is 47, so my guess is that they used a surrogate to avoid fertility treatment and possible complications. Still: What is it with the twins? I know multiple births are a possibility when you’re implanting a bunch of fertilized eggs, but do the odds of multiple births increase somehow when the fertilized eggs belong to someone famous? Are the little spermies all like, “Oooh, hells yeah! If I get born to these people, it’s a life of Ed Hardy T-shirts and doing cocaine off a model’s stomach. I better hurry up and get inside that egg!”? Because that’s sure how it looks to me.

As a side note, if we’re spending all this time and effort implanting eggs in a surrogate’s uterus, could someone take 15 minutes out of their day to implant some hair follicles on Matthew Broderick’s head?

I don’t know why these two haven’t announced their impending divorce yet, but in the meantime, I can’t help but wonder:  Are Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick just trying to out-offend each other with their wardrobe choices?  I mean, SJP usually looks great so I can forgive her for wearing fuchsia Always (with wings!) maxi-pads on her feet but what’s up with her hub?  I think that now is as good a time as any other to remind you that Matthew Broderick is only forty-seven years old.  I own wine older than this twit.  Can anyone come up with a reasonable excuse for looking like this?

Here’s the happy couple last night walking to the off-Broadway theater production of Mary Stuart.

Also at the play?  Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes.

Despite being constantly dogged by break-up rumors, or rumors that their marriage is a sham, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick showed up arm-in-arm to the Broadway premiere of The American Plan.

Sarah looks fantastic, per usual, but Matt is looking haggard. I mean, he does not look good. He used to have this quirky sort of handsomeness that is rapidly devolving into a very serious case of the ugly.

If he’s cheating on Sarah, he’s a moron.

Another day, another rumor about how Sarah Jessica Parker’s marriage to Matthew Broderick is falling apart.

There have been rumors forever that Matthew’s cheating on her with a much younger woman, and that Sarah has just been dealing with it rather than go through a nasty divorce, but now people are saying she’s looking for a place of her own.

“The time has come when she realizes it just isn’t worth it,” a friend of the couple tells Star. “Sarah Jessica is determined to get her own place and bring down the curtain on her marriage.”

Adds another insider: “Sarah’s not stupid. She knows exactly what’s going on. For a while it was easier for her to stay than go through a harsh divorce. They’re essentially living separate lives.”

Now that the holidays are over, the actress is revisiting her exit strategy, which takes into careful consideration the couple’s 6-year-old son, James Wilkie — just about the only thing holding the pair together.

“They spent the holidays with him, pretending to be happy,” says another source. “SJP is a great actress when she has to be!”

I have a lot of trouble believing these stories, personally. I mean, the rumors about Matthew cheating have been going on forever, and I can’t imagine that someone like SJP would really stand for that. I mean, it’s possible that they have an open marriage, but if he’s really just cheating on her I would think Sarah would be outtie 5000. She seems way too strong to stand for that shit, even if there is a kid involved.

Despite being hounded constantly by rumors of trouble in their marriage, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick walked the red carpet hand-in-hand at a bridge dedication ceremony for the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights in New York last night, appearing very much a united couple. I think these two are forever. I hope so.

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Aw, adorableness!

Matthew Broderick accompanies his kiddo, James, to school … on a scooter.

What a sweet daddy!

I would totally do this with my kids when I have them, but there’s no way I’m getting up that early. The nannies have them until noon. I’ll scoot them home from school.

After Star magazine printed last week that Matthew Broderick had an on-going affair with a 25-year-old youth counselor, Matthew took his wife, Sarah Jessica Parker, out for dinner in Midtown Manhattan, and they made a very public show of unity. It’s the first time they’ve been seen together since the allegations hit the press.

Sources are reporting that Sarah and Matthew “had been out of love for a long time but remain married for their son … Now they have decided to make things work – especially for the sake of their son, James.”

Awww, I hope SJP and Matty are doing okay. They’re like my shining paragon of hope that long-term marriage can work. I don’t really believe that Matt was cheating on her. He knows she’d kick his ass. Her muscles are like ten times bigger than his.

Brittany Snow poses with Matthew Broderick on the red carpet for a screening of Finding Amanda in NYC.

Speaking of Brittany Snow, remember that clip I posted awhile back of Brittany Snow beating some guy in the balls from an indie flick called On the Doll? Well the director sent me another clip. This one’s of Brittany cutting off her teacher’s nuts. I have no idea what this film is about, but the teasers sure are fun.

And I know a lot of you were offended by the first clip, and I know some of you wanted me to take it down (although plenty of you loved it). This is fiction, you guys. No actual humans or animals were harmed in the making of this film. Of course none of this behavior is appropriate in real life, which is why it’s important that artists have an outlet to channel it through fiction. I’m proud to support that. If it were a man beating a woman, would I run the clip? No. Not because I think it’s wrong for a movie to show a man beating a woman, but because the world is chock-full of movies that show men beating women. The world is not chock-full of movies that graphically depict women taking their revenge in creative ways.

But if you’re one of the people who was way offended by the first clip, I would discourage against watching this one.

Nuts severed, starring Brittany Snow