Gwyneth Paltrow and others appeared last night at the grand opening of Fontainebleau Miami Beach.  What is going on with Gwyn?  Let’s be fair: there are some things you have no control over.  Breasts that extend from the bottom of your ribcage up to your collarbone?  Nothing you can do about that; that’s God’s cruel joke.  But the dress, completely unrelated shoes and reverse skunk stripe of roots all could have been thwarted by any compassionate stylist.  Or full length mirror. 

Sixty-seven year old Martha Stewart was there as well.  I don’t know if it was prison or surgery or what but she still looks terrific.  I included pics of Jason Lewis because don’t we all deserve a little visual handjob?  And in the case of Terrence Howard, the answer is yes; the pants were also printed jacquard.  Ya.

Oh, and when you look at the pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio, just know that she had a baby less than three months ago.  And also know that I’m typing this post from my elliptical machine and have sworn off food.

Martha Stewart’s found an “Apprentice” that fits in just right. [A Socialite's Life]

Christina Aguilera’s hubby, Fugly McMusicProducer, was spotted partying solo and ringless. Trouble in paradise? [Gabsmash]

Paris Hilton lies about her sex life. [The Blemish]

Shanna Moakler is just glad to see another Miss USA labeled as a drunken slut. Although, in fairness, Shanna was never accused of making out with teenage girls. [TMZ]

Nicole Richie goes grocery shopping. Hopefully for some freaking Midol. [MollyGood]