In a blog post titled “Soon to be featured in a shallow grave” Marilyn Manson wrote the following:

I can, but do not need to defend myself And the absurd accusations that the average press has clinged onto. If we need a nude photo of me to prove that I am far different than the soon-to-be-murdered-in-their-home press has decided to fabricate, that is easy. But if one more “journalist” makes a cavalier statement about me and my band, I will personally or with my fans help, greet them at their home and discover just how much they believe in their freedom of speech. I dare you all to write one more thing that you won’t say to my face. Because I will make you say it. In that manner. That is a threat. Mm

Some people paint and some people sculpt, but when Marilyn Manson wants to create art he throws semen-filled condoms at a mirror.  I wish I was kidding.  He talked all about it — and so much more — in a recent interview with SPIN.

I was going to email you a photograph I just took. It’s of a new piece of modern art I created. Let’s call this work my Jack-off Pollack, of sorts. I had two condoms — alien things to me, I haven’t seen them in 25 years — and I threw them on the mirror, and they stuck, and they formed this piece of modern art. And I can’t decide what to call it. I’m thinking about calling it “I Don’t Want You to be Cursed With My Retarded Child,” or “It’s Not Just Love, It’s a Lifestyle,” because they were Lifestyle condoms.

Would the name be different if they were Magnum or Trojan condoms?

I suppose. I was just curious what I could do with a condom filled with my semen, other than the obvious damage that one could do.

Well, you know, you could be sanitary and throw it away?

It was like a piñata of disease and babies and confusion. It’s literally just dripping down as we speak, two of them. I just wanted to make sure that you know that I can perform. I want to make sure that my sexual prowess is established here. I’d love this photo to be on the cover of SPIN.

When Manson isn’t occupied with creating his sperm-covered home furnishings or managing his $200,000 cocaine habit — yes, he admitted that too — he grapples with self-mutilation and daily homicidal thoughts.

It sounds like the period after you and Evan Rachel Wood broke up was really tough. What was your lowest point?

I sing about it on “Into the Fire.” I say, “If you want to hit bottom, don’t bother trying to take me with you.” My lowest point was Christmas Day 2008, because I didn’t speak to my family. My walls were covered in scrawlings of the lyrics and cocaine bags nailed to the wall. And I did have an experience where I was struggling to deal with being alone and being forsaken and being betrayed by putting your trust in one person, and making the mistake of that being the wrong person. And that’s a mistake that everyone can relate to. I made the mistake of trying to, desperately, grasp on and save that and own it. And every time I called her that day — I called 158 times — I took a razorblade and I cut myself on my face or on my hands.

I look back and it was a really stupid thing to do. This was intentional, this was a scarification, and this was like a tattoo. I wanted to show her the pain she put me through. It was like, “I want you to physically see what you’ve done.” It sounds made up but it’s completely true and I don’t give a shit if people believe it or not. I’ve got the scars to prove it. I didn’t want people to ask me every time I did an interview, “Oh, is this record about your relationship with your ex-girlfriend?” But that damage is part of it, and the song “I Want to Kill You Like They Do in The Movies” is about my fantasies. I have fantasies every day about smashing her skull in with a sledgehammer.

Evan Rachel Wood should be heaving a huge sigh of relief right now, though I really hope she has some sort of security.  Because Marilyn Manson sounds almost nuts enough to do her in.

I couldn’t possibly care less. But for what it’s worth, she tells the new issue of GQ that she’s back in the sack with her 40-year-old lover, Marilyn Manson. Evan continues to be 21 years old. Too cute.

I guess the main story here is that Marilyn Manson has been contacting his ex-wife, Dita Von Teese, since he split with Evan Rachel Wood.  To refresh your memory, Marilyn and Evan’s relationship began while he was still married to Dita.  Now that he’s single again, Dita claims that Marilyn has been in touch.  “He’s been in touch a little. The apologies come, and he was like, ‘I made a big mistake’. And I’m like, ‘Yeah, yeah, I know. Go ahead and say what you need to say to feel better and to sleep at night.’  Right now I’ve got three (men). They’re all in different parts of the world… That’s my biggest sin – juggling men.”

Yeah, whatever, Marilyn shouldn’t have cheated.  Now he regrets it.  You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone, blah, blah, blah.  All I can focus on is Dita Von Teese’s fingernails-is that some sort of reverse French manicure?  It has distracted me the entire time that I was trying to care about their love gone wrong.

And I’m really grateful for this.  My sheets are sweat soaked every night as I anxiously toss and turn, head thrashing to and fro, pulling at my hair as the questions race through my mind.  “Why?  Where did it go wrong?  Can they work it out?  How are either of them even famous?  What color lip liner does Marilyn Manson wear and can I get it at Sephora?”

I am convinced that celebrities that ask for privacy are the biggest attention whores out there.  Ever notice how they go on about their breakup that no one cares about?  It’s like “Well he really liked anal and I didn’t and then one night he just slipped it in without asking and that was the final straw.  I ask for your privacy at this time.”  Puhleeze.  So here’s her official statement on the split:

Manson has been by my side and taken care of me through the best and worst times. I love him as a person and as an artist. I will always be proud to have been a part of that.

If any more attacks are made on us, it is the act of a desperate, selfish person, who is angry to no longer be a part of my life. No further comment will be made and we request our privacy at this time.

Right.  Because whenever I love someone as a person and an artist, that’s it.  You’re outta here.  Obviously it could never work.  Anyway, Evan, why not just be honest with him?  Like “you were so much more attractive to me when you were married to someone else.”

And I want to see the long line of bitter and sobbing fools who are just so devastated as to no longer be a part of Evan Rachel Wood’s life.  No such people exist except in her echoey little head.  As a final observation, it amuses me how she calls him “Manson” because she’s embarrassed to be screwing a guy named Marilyn.  What a bitch; he didn’t seem to mind screwing a girl named Evan.

Doesn’t he ever get tired of this shit?

Putting on that stupid make-up all the the time for how many years now?

Anyway, here’s Marilyn Manson at a rare press event appearance at the ETP Festival in South Korea.

In case anyone cares.

Their divorce was official on Thursday.

Now Manson is free to make an honest woman of his 12-year-old girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood. (I kid, I kid. She’s a full 20 years old. Manson is 38.) And Dita is free to find someone who deserves her luscious ass.