And I’m really grateful for this.  My sheets are sweat soaked every night as I anxiously toss and turn, head thrashing to and fro, pulling at my hair as the questions race through my mind.  “Why?  Where did it go wrong?  Can they work it out?  How are either of them even famous?  What color lip liner does Marilyn Manson wear and can I get it at Sephora?”

I am convinced that celebrities that ask for privacy are the biggest attention whores out there.  Ever notice how they go on about their breakup that no one cares about?  It’s like “Well he really liked anal and I didn’t and then one night he just slipped it in without asking and that was the final straw.  I ask for your privacy at this time.”  Puhleeze.  So here’s her official statement on the split:

Manson has been by my side and taken care of me through the best and worst times. I love him as a person and as an artist. I will always be proud to have been a part of that.

If any more attacks are made on us, it is the act of a desperate, selfish person, who is angry to no longer be a part of my life. No further comment will be made and we request our privacy at this time.

Right.  Because whenever I love someone as a person and an artist, that’s it.  You’re outta here.  Obviously it could never work.  Anyway, Evan, why not just be honest with him?  Like “you were so much more attractive to me when you were married to someone else.”

And I want to see the long line of bitter and sobbing fools who are just so devastated as to no longer be a part of Evan Rachel Wood’s life.  No such people exist except in her echoey little head.  As a final observation, it amuses me how she calls him “Manson” because she’s embarrassed to be screwing a guy named Marilyn.  What a bitch; he didn’t seem to mind screwing a girl named Evan.

Doesn’t he ever get tired of this shit?

Putting on that stupid make-up all the the time for how many years now?

Anyway, here’s Marilyn Manson at a rare press event appearance at the ETP Festival in South Korea.

In case anyone cares.

Their divorce was official on Thursday.

Now Manson is free to make an honest woman of his 12-year-old girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood. (I kid, I kid. She’s a full 20 years old. Manson is 38.) And Dita is free to find someone who deserves her luscious ass.

Angelina Jolie’s mother passed away. [MollyGood]

Mariah Carey does Playboy. This is exactly what you wanted … in 1996. [DListed]

Matt Dillon doesn’t like Marilyn Manson because Manson once cut his pubes with scissors he’d borrowed from Dillon. It’s always something. [Agent Bedhead]

Mary-Kate isn’t anorexic, people, she’s blonde. [Celebslam]

Disney theme parks make their way into the gossip blogosphere for the first time since Lohan got trashed at Disneyland in July, with a series of Disney-themed ads featuring Beyonce, Scarlett and David Beckham. Lindsay is conspicuously absent, although she’s been photographed plenty coming to and from her own Wonderland. [popbytes]

I know, I know. Crazy. But Page Six reports that the beautiful Dita Von Teese filed for divorce from the “rocker,” after only a year of marriage (although they dated for several years before that), citing irreconcilable differences. Manson will be served with divorce papers at an L.A. recording studio, since Von Teese can’t seem to get ahold of him any other way.

Says a Dita ally: “He’s not been responsive. She loved him so much, but he has too many demons. He can’t even communicate with her at this point. She tried to tell him she was divorcing him, but she can’t even get him on the phone. She moved out of the house and he hasn’t even noticed.”

Quips another pal: “Well, at least now she won’t have to share her makeup.”

So true.