You know, I actually really like this song, but the showgirls-themed video is ruining it for me.

And Mariah?

When your hair extensions look more ridiculous than your showgirl head-dress, it’s time for a change.

Mariah and Nick are popping up everywhere these days!

Here’s the happy couple at the launch of L.A. Reid’s cosmetics line in NYC.

Yeah, you read that right.

L.A. Reid has a cosmetics line.

Sigh.

It’s becoming increasingly obvious that I need to expand my brand. Focusing on just one thing — like celebrity gossip — is so passe in the business world these days.

What do you guys think?

Evil Beet condoms?

Evil Beet gravy?

Evil Beet chihuahuas?

Oooh, I got it: Evil Beet laxatives! Tagline: “Like the devil himself in your bowels.”

Check out the trailer for Mimi’s new flick, out December 19th.

What do we think?

Mariah Carey and her husband Nick Cannon attended The Andre Agassi Charitable Foundation’s 13th Annual Grand Slam For Children last night.  Nothing says “elegance” like an adhesive, sequinned butterfly decal.

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York was there as well as Sheryl Crow who hasn’t taken my bra advice yet.  Donny Osmond looked so cool in his meticulously distressed and pressed jeans and I am hoping Emeril is on Prednisone.  Natasha Bedingfield had a really cool look and Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf posed like first cousins.  David Spade did everyone a favor by attending.

 

How many layers of industrial strength Spanx do you think Mariah Carey was wearing to be able to stuff herself into this dress last night at The Bank nightclub in Las Vegas?  She is a human knockwurst.

Incidentally, hands on hips with elbows jutted out goes by the scientific term of Backus Fat Avoidanceous Pose.    Evil Beet Gossip doesn’t just entertain but educates too.  More examples of Mariah throughout the evening below:

This is what Mrs. Nick Cannon chose to wear to TRL on Tuesday.

What’s the verdict, kids?

“It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Nick Cannon, on his marriage to Mariah Carey, at Christian Audigier The Nightclub (really???) opening in Las Vegas.

Mostly I’m interested in the fact that Christian Audigier opened an eponymous nightclub in Las Vegas. It’s in Treasure Island. You guys, I think we need Evil Beet The Nightclub. I’m officially looking for financing.