Ed and I had so much fun making a video for you last week that we decided to do it again this week. And every week until you stop calling me a man and Ed a lesbian in the comments section. In other words: WE’RE HERE TO STAY. Kinda. Unless Sasha fires me. Hey, Sasha. Please don’t do that. I have a chihuahua to feed. Love you, gurl. This week we’re talking about Oprah, Mariah and Levi Johnston’s dick (or lack there of).

BTW, if you want more of me or Ed you can find our Twitters here and here.

Now back to the news…

Mariah’s new song “100 Percent” — she wrote it for the movie Precious — is out and I really like it.  I like when she sings instead of that breathy, huffing thing she is famous for.

Mariah appears in the movie Precious, which as I mentioned on Monday only opened in 18 theaters.  Now that it’s rolling out to more locations, tell me — have you seen the movie and did you like it?  Most importantly, is it better than Glitter?

Considering that a lot of non-famous people probably dressed up like them last night, it’s interesting to see what celebs chose to be for Halloween. I love that Gwen Stefani wasn’t afraid to don a head to toe Jessie (from Toy Story 2) costume to take her kids out trick-or-treating. Gavin gets negative points for taking himself too seriously and not wearing a costume.

Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis and his son both dressed as Eddie Munster while Christina Aguilera and son Max went out as a pair of skeletons. James Gandolfini and designer Christian Siriano both looked unintentionally creepy– one because he was wearing a Homer Simpson mask with the eyes cut out, the other because… well… you’ll see.

I caught a brief article through the AP about a flick featuring Mariah Carey as a social worker. It’s called Precious, and it’s produced by Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey, and the director’s first choice for Mariah’s role was Helen Mirren. When she dropped out, Lee Daniels called on Mariah — who is 25 years younger than Helen — to play the role. He trusted Mariah’s acting skills, but he didn’t want a diva showing up on set to play a humble role. “If you come with a strip of makeup on,” he told her, “I will have a backup (actress).”

The article went on to say that Mariah’s performance in the film — which hits theaters November 6 — has garnered high praise from critics. I was VERY curious to see exactly how Mariah had slipped into a role imagined for Helen Freakin’ Mirren, so I checked out the trailer on YouTube. It’s above. I have to admit, not only does Mariah seem to be doing a great job, but the whole movie looks absolutely brilliant and touching and very human, and I can’t wait to see it. A far cry from Glitter, Mariah. (Although I still think of that Eminem diss track every time I hear your name these days.)

This is gratuitous, but for all you Lambs out there, you know why I’m posting this. How freakin’ happy do Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon look? The two have been married for almost a year and a half, which is still pretty new, but you have to hand it to them: they seem to be making this not-so-conventional relationship really work. This photo of the two of them heading back to their abode after a taping of the Oprah Winfrey Show is just too cute for words.

Damn, I gotta admit this is a super-hot track. Probably the most awesome diss track I’ve ever heard. In fairness, Mariah started it, with her “Obsessed” song and the video that clearly targeted Em. But Eminem is following suit, with a full-length diss track called “The Warning.” He talks some serious smack about Mariah — calling her a whore, a liar and an alcoholic — and threatens to release naked photos of her if she denies anything he says in the track. To cap it all off, he samples some Mariah shit off what I think is a studio session they did together. Oh, and he calls Nick Cannon a “faggot.” Lovely, just lovely. Seriously, though, love him or hate him — you gotta admit Em’s a genius. This is a truly brilliant diss track.

Remind me never to date a rapper.

You know, only Mariah Carey could have such an intense level of self-worship to sing a song and film a video that’s all about someone being obsessed … with her. 

A couple of weeks ago, I posted some pics from the video shoot and felt, and still feel, that this whole production is totally directed toward Eminem.  Of course, Mariah denied any connection, which I hate.  If you’re going to obviously slam someone in the most public way possible, just own it.  Take me for example:  I totally admit that Mariah Carey is a self-involved, marginally talented pop tart that needs to abandon her formula of getting up on all fours and writhing around like a sloth imprisoned in spandex.  Opinion.  Owned.

Jump in if you want to read all the words to this lyrical masterpiece.  Which begs another question:  Mariah, what did the word “are” ever do to you?  Use it!  It’s an important word.

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