Despite my deep personal belief that it’s all a sham, Marc Anthony and J. Lo appeared as happy and in love as ever at Anthony’s Madison Square Garden Valentine’s Day concert.  They even terrified their Dragon Tales, Max and Emme, by bringing them onstage to be greeted by thousands of screaming fans.  My two-year-old can’t handle the lady at the deli offering him cheese.  I can’t even fathom how he’d react to seeing himself on a Jumbotron.

I have a personal policy not to make fun of children other than my own.  But remember how Alexa Joel was cursed?  A beautiful supermodel of a mom and she ended up looking exactly like her dad?  Unfortunate.  Let’s hope the twins dodge a similar fate.

The cut is reminiscent of her infamous 2000 Grammy dress (intentional decision?), but this is a much more adult spin on it, and I think she looks lovely. Oh, and for those of you who buy the rumors that she’s on the rocks with Marc (personally, I don’t), he was there at her side as she walked the carpet.

Last week there was speculation that there was trouble between Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez.  They weren’t wearing their rings and weren’t being seen together.  There is no quicker way to prompt ring wearing and public kissing photos than a story like that.  Brad and Jen, Nick and Jessica, and Bennifer have all done this pre-emptive strike right before parting the best of friends.

And on cue, here’s MarLo attending the inauguration of Puerto Rico’s governor, Luis Fortuno.  They are touching, kissing, and wearing rings.  Their message is loud and clear.  They are happy.  They are together.  They are not splitting. 

Until early spring.

I can’t believe this has taken three years.  Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony may finally be on the rocks. 

Evidence:

1)  Jennifer attended The Curious Case of Benjamin Button premiere without her husband or her wedding ring.

2)  Marc Anthony has been appearing publicly without his wedding band.

3)  Sources cite Anthony’s controlling personality and unfaithful ways as issues within the marriage.

4)  Anthony was spotted at Bungalow 8 and Marquee with his hand on the thing of a woman not Jennifer.

5)  Jennifer is reportedly sick of being a “Long Island housewife”.

Seriously Jen, what did you expect?  Didn’t your husband leave his wife so he could marry you?  That’s never a good indicator of longevity.  Also, housewifery is hell and basically sucks no matter who you are. 

I feel bad for J. Lo.  Whenever I’ve seen the two of them together on the red carpet or in interviews, I’ve always had the impression that she is way more into him than he is in to her.  Which is an absolutely flummoxing concept.

According to Entertainment Tonight, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony renewed their vows last night in their suite at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas.  The romantic in me cheers for their everlasting union.  The cynic in me wonders if this resets the clock on their pre-nup.

Hopefully you guys do, because every photo agency in LA followed this chick’s famous ass up and down Zuma Beach on Sunday, as she completed a Malibu triathlon in 2 hours, 23 minutes and 28 seconds.

Matthew McConaughey also completed the tri (yes, there are pics of him too).

To cheer them on were Marc Anthony and Camila Alves (along with little Levi). Marc and Jen look soooo cute here! It’s nice that he’s so supportive. I remember when I ran my first 10K — the Camp Pendleton Mud Run, which I would not recommend for your first 10K — and I’d been training for months, but my boyfriend at the time just stayed home, got really stoned and laughed at me, like, “Wait, you’re actually going to try to do this? You’re going to run six miles? You? Oh, sweetie. That’s cute. I’ll believe it when I see it.” So I ran it on a team with four of my (ultra-athletic) girlfriends who believed in me, and when I thought I was absolutely going to die and couldn’t go another foot, they pushed me ahead and cheered me on and hung back with me and refused to let me quit. Not only did we all finish, we placed toward the top of the female teams in our age range. When I called my boyfriend after to tell him the news he was like, “Seriously? Woah. I thought for sure I’d be hearing from the local hospital before I heard from you.” Grrr. It makes me mad now, years later, just thinking about it.

So it really struck a nerve for me to see Marc there to cheer Jen on, and it’s a good reminder that I’m single these days because I have much higher standards in men now — as I deserve to.

Here’s Jennifer looking svelte and young and happy, less than two months after giving birth to twins.

Jen has reportedly lost 40 pounds in those two months.

God, I can’t even seem to lose five pounds. Maybe if I stopped eating Burger King and cookie dough all day. And exercised. But OMG! The bed in the furnished apartment I am renting is KILLING me. It seemed okay at first, but, after three nights of sleeping on it, I honestly cannot stand up straight. It’s AWFUL on my back. I, like, waddle around the house. And my stuff is all over, I haven’t even fully unpacked yet, but I can’t even deal with it because it hurts too much to bend over. So exercise is clearly out of the question. And I can’t possibly cook when it hurts so much to stand up. I have to get drive-thru. So then it’s not my fault that I can’t lose weight. It’s the fault of whomever furnished Chez Eggplant. So I’ll just stay fat and lazy, and blame it on other people.

Ha ha, one of my guy friends wore a shirt this weekend that said “I Have the Body of a God” and it had a picture of Buddha on it. I laughed forever.

What was this article supposed to be about?

Oh, yeah. Jennifer. She looks good. And I’m not going to go as far as to say Marc looks good, too — I would never, ever say that about a man wearing a kerchief around his neck, just as a matter of principle — but he does look better than usual. Like I have an agreement with my employer that whenever I run a photo of something that might be offensive, I have to run it after the jump, and not on the main page. And normally whenever there’s a photo of Marc Anthony I think, “You know, I should run this after the jump,” but, today, Marc Anthony looks human enough that he gets to be on the main page. Congrats, Marc!

[Image via Splash]

The JTwins are named Max and Emme.

What I wanna know is what their last names are. Marc Anthony’s real last name is Muñiz. So what do we have on our hands here? Is it an Emme Muñiz? Can I call her EMu?

I’m just asking. These things are important to me.

The day has finally arrived!

Early this morning, in Long Island, NY, Ms. Jennifer Lopez gave birth to a healthy baby girl and, 11 minutes later, a healthy baby boy.

The twins are as yet unnamed.

“Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon,” says Jen’s manager.

Congrats to the happy couple!

It would just be like, “Dayum, girl, someone got into the Doritos. Seriously.”

At the Conde Nast Movies Rock event in LA.

“Marc and I are expecting,” Jennifer told the crowd at her Miami show on Wednesday night.

Marc then kissed her belly. “I didn’t know she was going to talk,” he said.

So there ya have it.

Christina announced.

Jennifer announced.

Everyone’s pregnancy is now out of the closet.

Yay.

Jennifer Lopez attended the 20th Annual Children’s Fund Gala in NYC on Wednesday night, and there’s not a single genuine smile in the whole batch of pictures. It’s almost like someone had to tape the corners of her mouth up to get her to smile — the eyes are just dead. But there’s still no denying she’s gorgeous. Marc Anthony was there, too. Is it just me or does he always, always, always look like Tom Hanks in the last thirty minutes of Philadelphia?