NO WAY!!!

Ryan Seacrest — who tends to be reliable in such matters — is reporting that Britney Spears AND Justin Timberlake will appear on-stage with Madonna at her LA show on Thursday night.

DUDE!!!

It ALMOST makes me want to extend my LA trip and see if I can scalp tickets. But, honestly, I’m pretty damn sick of LA already. I’ve seen everyone I wanted to see, stirred up a fair amount of drama, and I’m ready to get out of this city and back to Seattle, where things feel sane. Plus, Leo misses his kitty siblings, and I miss them, too. So I think I’ll skip this little moment of music history, but I have full confidence that there will be plenty of photos and videos.

If you’re going to the show Thursday night, be sure to sneak in your camera!!!

It’s difficult to write today.  I think the Jennifer Hudson story is such a senseless tragedy.  But the Beet goes on… 

Being in a melancholy and somewhat depressed state of mind, I immediately thought of Madonna’s face.  And her appearance continues to be hellacious.  But hey…she’s been on tour, she’s going through a divorce, lives on a treadmill and she’s fifty.  She’s entitled to look haggard.  I am, however, frequently bemused by Madge’s staged and purpose-driven appearances.  Check out Lourdes wearing a Obama shirt.  When I was 12, I’m pretty sure I didn’t know where I stood on the Reagan/Mondale race but maybe I was just uneducated.  Being raised on rice milk and aduki beans probably would’ve ensured me more political awareness…fuck my mother and that damn food pyramid.  Also, her awkward attempt at maternal affection towards her adopted son David whilst conveniently positioned in camera’s view…I think she’s even smiling to the best of her ability.  I’m not sure if she’s trying to hug him or converse with him but either way little David wonders why his mother is paying attention to him all of a sudden.  I wonder if this photo-op has anything to do with her son’s biological father and his second thoughts?  I feel for Rocco; there was no message for him to billboard for Mommy on this outing to the Kabbalah Center in New York City yesterday.

New reports are saying that Madge and A-Rod were hooking up much earlier than previously believed — in fact, they were getting frisky while Rodriguez’s wife was seven months pregnant!

I’ve told you about A-Rod’s multi million dollar ‘love shack’ in the Mandarin Oriental Hotel’s condos over on Columbus Avenue. A-Rod, according to sources, moved in around the middle of March, right before baseball season began.

There’s no question, according to insiders, that Madonna has been a steady presence at the apartment ever since then. She sort of came with the package. According to sources, Rodriguez rented the apartment without ever speaking of his wife, Cynthia. She would have been around seven months pregnant at the time.

The apartment on Columbus Circle would have kept him just five blocks from Madonna’s home base on Central Park West.

I think it’s just starting to sink in for me that MADONNA IS SINGLE AGAIN!!!

This is going to be SO MUCH FUN.

The Daily Mail reports that the deal is done.  Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reached a settlement regarding the division of their assets.  He will keep the country estate, his pub The Punchbowl, and some cash.  She’ll get their London flat and, I suspect, a gag order on her ex.

According to a new article in The Daily Mail, Guy Ritchie told Madonna that she “looked like a Granny” when onstage surrounded by her young backup dancers.  I want to know what kind of family Guy Ritchie has.  Because my granny had no muscle tone, peed the couch and wore a housecoat so I’m not getting the comparison.

Guy’s father spoke to the press about Madonna.  “She is being beastly. She is saying, ‘Did you ever love me?’ It goes back to a time when she fell off her horse and she’s blaming him for that. She’s calling him an emotional retard. When he’s being bashed by her it’s horrid.” 

I don’t really care why they are divorcing.  What I do want to know is how soon after Guy and Mads called it quits did he come out of the closet and openly eat a steak or some other formerly prohibited, non-macrobiotic friendly meal?  I’m thinking within the day.  Eight years of not being allowed to eat cheese should qualify as spousal abuse and ensure a healthy alimony settlement.

“This song is for the emotionally retarded. Maybe you know some people who fall into that category. God knows I do.”

Madonna, before performing a song about Guy Ritchie, “Miles Away,” at her performance last night.

Also amusing and Madge-related: The Daily Mail is reporting that Gwyneth Paltrow spent all summer begging Madonna to try to save the marriage for the kids, and is apparently very upset that they couldn’t work it out.

As I mentioned earlier, if you’re Madonna and you’re going to announce a divorce, now’s the time to do it.

Madonna’s publicist sent an email to the AP confirming that Madge and Guy Ritchie are divorcing.

AND Us Weekly is reporting that she’s getting frisky with baseball star Alex Rodriguez.

Wow.