Madonna, wearing her front lawn and grabbing Rihanna's ass, cuz that's how she rolls.

Madonna has reportedly called it quits with Brazillian model and sometimes boyfriend Jesus Luz. Apparently she’d been considereing ending the fling for some time because she was afraid it might affect her chances of adopting another child from Malawi to be a little brother or sister for her son David.

Photos that surfaced of Jesus nailing a lingerie model put the proverbial nail in the wrists and feet.

Do you realize that the English translation of that guy’s name is “Jesus Light”? And that she dated a guy whose name is about as close as you can get phonetically to naming someone “God” without actually naming them “God”? Obsessed much?

I’m starting a betting pool where you can wager on the name of her next lover. Your choices are:

1. Joseph

2. Gud

3. Andchild

“She is a ridiculous old bag, jumping around on stage at her age. I think she has some kind of an age complex, she still thinks she is a young woman, she can’t accept her age. I can’t remember him ever speaking about her or listening to her music. She is famous but she is from a different generation altogether.”

Brilliant words spoken by Catharina Franca about Madonna.  Franca dated Baby Jesus Luz for eighteen months until he could no longer resist the magic that is Madge, aka Madgic.

“Thanks. Another kid already?”

Sean Penn’s response to Madonna, as she congratulated him for his Oscar win, referring to Madge’s new interest, 22 year-old Jesus Luz.

Cripes, I don’t know if this is true, this came from The Sun, but I really hope it is.

What was the problem with the economy again?

An old nude photo of Madonna sold at auction for $37,500, more than three times the expected sale price of $10K.

It was purchased by an unnamed European buyer.

You can view the photo here. Please note: NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR ANYONE, REALLY. LOTS OF PUBES.

Madonna is totally recession-proof.

Here’s the new photo spread from W magazine that’s apparently a re-enactment of the night Madonna met 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz, and then fucked his barely-legal brains out. The shoot is called “One Night in Rio.”

Ya know, I’m 26 years old, and even I think I’d feel a little dirty sleeping with a 22-year-old. Madonna is 50, with a teenage daughter. I think I’d just die on the spot if my mother did a photo shoot like this.

Is it wrong that I actually find this shit more unsettling than the Octomom?

To get some perspective, Desperately Seeking Susan was released before this guy was born.

Note that there’s not any actual genitalia involved in this shoot, but it may not be entirely safe for work.

It looks like Madonna is still hanging with male model Jesus Luz; they were together this weekend in New York.

Hey, remember when Madonna was married to Sean Penn and released her True Blue album?  That was 1986; I was a freshman in high school and Luz was a developing fetus.  It’s ironic to think that the year that Papa Don’t Preach was a #1 hit, her boyfriend was forming his internal organs.  Just thought I’d give you a little perspective.

Doesn’t he look like he misses processed food, like, so bad?

Madonna’s fling with model Jesus Luz didn’t last long but he’s trying to capitalize on his brief Golden Snatch foray. 

All the major modeling agencies approached Luz after his two-week tryst with the Golden Snatch.  He went with Ford Models.  To give perspective, a year ago his show fee was $225 and now it is $135,000.  What is it about this that would warrant such a raise in pay?  I’m totally rethinking my Madonna bush embargo.

Above, Madonna wearing the remnants of her first Brazilian wax.