According to a new article in The Daily Mail, Guy Ritchie told Madonna that she “looked like a Granny” when onstage surrounded by her young backup dancers.  I want to know what kind of family Guy Ritchie has.  Because my granny had no muscle tone, peed the couch and wore a housecoat so I’m not getting the comparison.

Guy’s father spoke to the press about Madonna.  “She is being beastly. She is saying, ‘Did you ever love me?’ It goes back to a time when she fell off her horse and she’s blaming him for that. She’s calling him an emotional retard. When he’s being bashed by her it’s horrid.” 

I don’t really care why they are divorcing.  What I do want to know is how soon after Guy and Mads called it quits did he come out of the closet and openly eat a steak or some other formerly prohibited, non-macrobiotic friendly meal?  I’m thinking within the day.  Eight years of not being allowed to eat cheese should qualify as spousal abuse and ensure a healthy alimony settlement.

“This song is for the emotionally retarded. Maybe you know some people who fall into that category. God knows I do.”

Madonna, before performing a song about Guy Ritchie, “Miles Away,” at her performance last night.

Also amusing and Madge-related: The Daily Mail is reporting that Gwyneth Paltrow spent all summer begging Madonna to try to save the marriage for the kids, and is apparently very upset that they couldn’t work it out.

As I mentioned earlier, if you’re Madonna and you’re going to announce a divorce, now’s the time to do it.

Madonna’s publicist sent an email to the AP confirming that Madge and Guy Ritchie are divorcing.

AND Us Weekly is reporting that she’s getting frisky with baseball star Alex Rodriguez.

Wow.

The Sun is reporting that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are set to release a statement that they’re splitting up.

A statement confirming their marriage is over has been prepared and is set to be released imminently.

The couple are going public with their split because they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer”.

They have had a string of shouting matches about the amount of time each devotes to their careers, and over Madonna’s desire to adopt another child.

These arguments smashed through their attempts at reconciliation “like a sledgehammer”.

A highly-placed source told The Sun: “It’s very sad. They were a great couple and brilliant parents. They just couldn’t live together any more.”

Now, these rumors come around every six months or so, but, I have to admit, if you’re going to do a high-profile divorce, now’s probably the time. The world economy’s collapsing and the U.S. Presidential election’s in less than a month. At this moment, the universe cares less about the health of Madonna’s marriage than ever before. If you’re gonna jump ship, Madge, now’s your chance.

Madonna and Lindsay Lohan looked strikingly similar at the NY screening of Filth And Wisdom on Monday night. I guess I better run out and get a crimping iron, and Madonna better run out and get a new stylist.

Also there: Jailbait o’ My Heart Taylor Momsen.

Earlier in the day, Lindsay launched her new line of leggings, 6126, at Henri Bendel, where she posed with her sister Ali and Charlotte Ronson. Those pics are in here too.

Madonna was in action at the Meadowlands IZOD Center tonight.  Does she look like a creepy, blond Slash or a hot 50 year-old?  I’m conflicted but I’ll tell you this:  Her thighs scare the hell out of me.

Madonna and her GIGANTIC MUSCLES lug not-so-little David Banda around Manhattan.

Seriously isn’t this kid looking a little big to be carried?

Sir Elton John takes in Madonna’s Sticky & Sweet Tour in Nice.

Plus we have more pics from the show tonight.

Enjoy!