The book was not a huge hit.  This hasn’t deterred Lynne Spears from shopping around for a deal to bring her Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World masterpiece to film.

Can we talk casting?  The main characters are Lynne, Jamie, Brit, Jamie Lynn, K-Fed, Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib and a pink wig.  What actors possess the talent and depth needed to navigate these complicated roles?  Is there any earthly being that could fill Britney’s flip-flops?  I’m not sure but I’m campaigning for Taylor Swift in the role of Brit.

Twenty-five bucks says this goes right to Lifetime.

They’ve been divorced for awhile now — and, from what I can tell, Britney still hates her mother — but Jamie Spears and Lynne Spears were spotted out and about together in NYC on Monday night, where Britney was promoting her new album.

Go away, Lynne! You’re nothing but TROUBLE for Britney. And I STILL can’t believe you wrote that damn book about raising Britney and Jamie-Lynn. Capitalizing on the personal and emotional struggles of your children when the wounds are still fresh?? Disgusting. Piss off.

TEAM PAPA!

Lynne Spears, mom of Britney, spoke out this week on the UK’s GMTV about the road to recovery that Brit has travelled this past year.  According to Lynne, “a lot of love and care and help” has been just what the doctor ordered.  Is she kidding me right now?  Unless by “love and care and help” she means mood stabilizers.  Again, it goes to the complete bullshit that is Hollywood.  If you are willing to broadcast the status of your daughter’s mental health all in the name of whoring your book, why not at least be honest about it?  I blame The Beatles for this all you need is love crap.  Love doesn’t pay bills and it can’t save doomed relationships.  And it sure as hell doesn’t cure the crazies.

This is the real deal: Lynne fucking Spears does not have some special brand of love that can conquer brain chemistry.  Mother daughter mani/pedis did not make the pink wigs and fake accents and Sam Lufti go away.  A return to normalcy for Brit came in the form of a steady diet of Klonopin Wafers.  Trust me on this. 

Lynne Spears’ book is Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid Word.  Oh I so need to order this up.  Off to Amazon!  Fuck it, let me wait three weeks…I can probably get it off the “Bargain Reads” shelf at Borders for $4.99.

Here’s Lynne Spears on The Today Show yapping about her kids and her new book. I’d tell you what happened but honestly you guys I can’t get more than 30 seconds into either of them. It just hurts too bad. But thankfully Yahoo news has informed me that Lynne did say, at one point, that Jamie-Lynn informed her of her pregnancy via a handwritten note.

Heh, I would have written the note on the back of a box of condoms, just for that extra oomph.

Because it’s clear we’re not going to find any in your book.

The cover from the upcoming Lynne Spears tome, Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, has just been released.

What was originally supposed to be a how-to book on parenting — before her oldest daughter was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown and her 16-year-old daughter got pregnant — is now apparently just going to be a scandalous tell-all.

Classy.

“Sam told [my friend] and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdol and Seroquel. He told us that he puts them in her food and that that was the reason she had been quiet for the last three days. She had been sleeping. He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could give her drugs to heal her brain.”

Lynne Spears, in her restraining order against Sam Lutfi.

Lynne Spears copes with her pain by hitting up an LA Starbucks.

One daughter pregnant at 16, one hospitalized with a severe case of batshit crazy.

I think I’d need way more than coffee.

Lynne Spears hits the camera of a paparazzo who’s trying to get all up in her face.

Lynne Spears was spotted in Louisiana, crying and laying flowers at the grave of her sister, Sandra Bridges Covington, who died of ovarian cancer almost a year ago, at the age of 59.

Awww. I know this is a staged photo op, but it sure is a good one.

Part of me wants to be all like, “Get your ass to LA and take care of your daughter, Lynne!”, but then part of me understands that, when you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t want help, sometimes the only thing you can do is take care of yourself. And sometimes that means staying far away. So maybe that’s what Lynne is doing. I mean, if you think this thing is a paparazzi circus now, imagine what it would be like if Lynne and preggers Jamie-Lynn were in the mix. She does have another child to take care of — one who seems to actually want her involved right now — so maybe that’s what she’s focusing on. I won’t fault her for that.

I guess Jamie-Lynn did make it to the hospital to hang with Brit, and now Access Hollywood is reporting that mom Lynne was basically freaking out on the phone.

She didn’t make much of a statement.

Lynn ‘was extremely distraught, crying on the phone and asking our staff, “Just say prayers.”’

If you guys have time in your prayer schedule, I guess you could pray for Britney, but, most of all, PRAY FOR THOSE KIDS!!!!

“I blame myself. What mother wouldn’t? I wish I’d been there more while she was touring. But I couldn’t be. I had the other kids to look after … I didn’t raise my children to have Hollywood careers. This all just exploded in my face, and big dreams became big headaches … Here are two parents who care about their kids. They’re good people. With my daughter’s, Kevin’s and the boys’ interest at heart, I’m trying my best to bring them together, to bridge the gap. I think things are getting good.”

Lynne Spears, to Life & Style magazine.

Kevin recently decided to take Britney to court again, seeking to limit her already measly visitation rights.

Yes, Lynne. Things are just starting to get good.

For me, at least.

“One thing I do want to make clear is that she’s not a stage mom. People are so accusatory toward her and so judgmental of her, and it just drives me crazy because I know the real her.”

Lorilee Craker, the ghostwriter behind Lynne Spears’ forthcoming parenting book, on her experiences with Britney’s mom.