The book was not a huge hit.  This hasn’t deterred Lynne Spears from shopping around for a deal to bring her Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World masterpiece to film.

Can we talk casting?  The main characters are Lynne, Jamie, Brit, Jamie Lynn, K-Fed, Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib and a pink wig.  What actors possess the talent and depth needed to navigate these complicated roles?  Is there any earthly being that could fill Britney’s flip-flops?  I’m not sure but I’m campaigning for Taylor Swift in the role of Brit.

Twenty-five bucks says this goes right to Lifetime.

They’ve been divorced for awhile now — and, from what I can tell, Britney still hates her mother — but Jamie Spears and Lynne Spears were spotted out and about together in NYC on Monday night, where Britney was promoting her new album.

Go away, Lynne! You’re nothing but TROUBLE for Britney. And I STILL can’t believe you wrote that damn book about raising Britney and Jamie-Lynn. Capitalizing on the personal and emotional struggles of your children when the wounds are still fresh?? Disgusting. Piss off.

TEAM PAPA!

Lynne Spears, mom of Britney, spoke out this week on the UK’s GMTV about the road to recovery that Brit has travelled this past year.  According to Lynne, “a lot of love and care and help” has been just what the doctor ordered.  Is she kidding me right now?  Unless by “love and care and help” she means mood stabilizers.  Again, it goes to the complete bullshit that is Hollywood.  If you are willing to broadcast the status of your daughter’s mental health all in the name of whoring your book, why not at least be honest about it?  I blame The Beatles for this all you need is love crap.  Love doesn’t pay bills and it can’t save doomed relationships.  And it sure as hell doesn’t cure the crazies.

This is the real deal: Lynne fucking Spears does not have some special brand of love that can conquer brain chemistry.  Mother daughter mani/pedis did not make the pink wigs and fake accents and Sam Lufti go away.  A return to normalcy for Brit came in the form of a steady diet of Klonopin Wafers.  Trust me on this. 

Lynne Spears’ book is Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid Word.  Oh I so need to order this up.  Off to Amazon!  Fuck it, let me wait three weeks…I can probably get it off the “Bargain Reads” shelf at Borders for $4.99.

Here’s Lynne Spears on The Today Show yapping about her kids and her new book. I’d tell you what happened but honestly you guys I can’t get more than 30 seconds into either of them. It just hurts too bad. But thankfully Yahoo news has informed me that Lynne did say, at one point, that Jamie-Lynn informed her of her pregnancy via a handwritten note.

Heh, I would have written the note on the back of a box of condoms, just for that extra oomph.

Because it’s clear we’re not going to find any in your book.

The cover from the upcoming Lynne Spears tome, Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, has just been released.

What was originally supposed to be a how-to book on parenting — before her oldest daughter was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown and her 16-year-old daughter got pregnant — is now apparently just going to be a scandalous tell-all.

Classy.

“Sam told [my friend] and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdol and Seroquel. He told us that he puts them in her food and that that was the reason she had been quiet for the last three days. She had been sleeping. He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could give her drugs to heal her brain.”

Lynne Spears, in her restraining order against Sam Lutfi.

Lynne Spears copes with her pain by hitting up an LA Starbucks.

One daughter pregnant at 16, one hospitalized with a severe case of batshit crazy.

I think I’d need way more than coffee.