Enjoy this moment, folks, because it won’t last long. For a brief, shining moment in time, Heidi Klum is without fetus. That’s because she gave birth to her 800th baby, a girl, on October 9. I think it’s funny that her husband is named Seal, because she has the gestation period of a whale. This woman is just perennially knocked up. Seal released the following statement on Monday night. I have added my own notes in parentheses.

It’s difficult to imagine loving another child as much as you love your existing children. [Even the all-white one?] Anyone who has a family will tell you this. [Michael Lohan would tell you he loves Lindsay most, and when Jon Gosselin drinks he admits Alexis is his favorite.] Where will one find that extra love? [Your wife has some room in her uterus now; check there.] If you love your existing children with all of your heart, how then can one possibly find more heart with which to love another? [Once again: Use uterus space instead.] On Friday, Oct. 9, 2009, at 7:46 p.m., the answer to this question came in the form of our fourth child and second daughter. [I hope you gave her a girl name.] Lou Sulola Samuel was born, and from the moment she looked into both of our eyes, it was endless love at first sight. [You did not give her a girl name.] She is beautiful beyond words and we are happy that she chose us to watch her grow over the coming years.

Congrats to the happy family. I’d celebrate by running a photo of a not-pregnant Heidi, but I’m not sure we have any.