Lilo doing an “homage” photo shoot in her Calvins. By “homage” I mean that this isn’t for an advertisement, or a promotion, or a magazine article, or for anything in particular. She was just bored.

Is it just me or does being topless make Lindsay Lohan seem even more ridiculous? I’m as straight as the shortest distance between two points, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate seeing the occasional picture of a hot woman topless. This, however, does nothing for me. Except I now have this curious desire to donate money to lots and lots of charities.

A pointedly bra-less LiLo did some shopping at the WeHo American Apparel on Monday, trying on their scarves like a Grey Gardens character. Actually, I believe American Apparel calls those sashes. I know because their ad for it says “The Sash” in big letters on the top, and that’s what my college boyfriend used to call me, so I totally love those ads. Also: it was pointed out to me that the girl in those ads looks a lot like me. So whatever. I’ve basically been on Lindsay Lohan at this point. Score.

Hey, guys!  This is video of the Elle U.K. photo shoot in which $400K worth of jewels disappeared.  You get to see Linds in action — not stuffing necklaces in her bag, but modeling — and one thing is evident:  She really likes biting herself.

I thought LL would be more interesting on video rather than the photographs that we usually see of her sitting on Sam Ronson’s doorstep.  I was wrong.

The photographers seemed to think highly of her with the exception of the ridiculous amount of hair tossing.  Still pictures in the gallery of Lohan biting — well, you know …

In case you missed it, La Lohan is blonde. And has been for a few days. Lindsay was spotted leaving Sam’s house yesterday afternoon with her newly deep fried locks cracklin’ in the wind like the hayfields of the Oaklahoma dust bowl. A few moments later, Samro exited carrying an empty pizza box and trying to avoid the paps.

The question I have for you is this: Do you care?

Remember when Lindsay said she was a workaholic?  Do you think she meant alcoholic?  Oops, sorry — that was obvious.  What I meant to say was, “Do you think she meant shopaholic?”

I need to understand Lindsay Lohan’s technique of money management.  She spends her time making milkshakes and scenes yet can afford to shop at the toniest boutiques in Bev Hills.  I must be taught this method of finance immediately.

I can’t believe I just found this video this afternoon. Where the hell were you guys on this?? I should have had a minimum of 10 emails alerting me to this FANTASTIC clip that TMZ posted yesterday morning. Basically, Lindsay Lohan was waiting outside Samantha Ronson’s house at five in the morning, and when Sam came home she totally lost her shit. The paps got it all on tape. Sam is, of course, totally sober and sane, and Lindsay is wailing and crazy and obviously totally high. Here’s a basic transcript, courtesy of OK! magazine, or you can watch the vid here:

Lindsay: Samantha where were you? You lost it, what’s wrong with you? (Sam walks to her door, as Lindsay squeals to the other girl) Stop! Stop!
Sam: Who is this person?
Lindsay: (clearly confused crying) I’m your girlfriend!
Sam: No, who’s this other person here?
Lindsay: You know her…
Sam: So why were you yelling at her to stop?
Lindsay: Because she was just touching me. Where were you?!?
Sam: Okay. This one has to go.
Lindsay: Don’t talk to my friend like that, Samantha.
Sam: She’s on my property, I don’t know her, I want her out. It’s that simple.
(some unintelligible talking)
Lindsay: Where were you? Where were you? Where were you? Where were you? Where were you?
Sam: I was with my sister.
Lindsay: You’re lying!
Sam: Yeah, I’m lying. Seriously, please please. [To the other girl.] Go to the car, homie. I don’t know who you are.
Lindsay: I’ve been waiting for you for THREE HOURS.

Then the girl walks outside Sam’s gate, realizes (???) that there are paparazzi there, covers her face and stumbles out. Sam tells her to call a cab and even the paparazzi check to confirm she’s not driving. Then Sam and Lindsay head inside.

Samantha, WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH THIS? This is total insanity. You seem like a relatively grounded woman. You’re dating a crazy child. And you’re not helping her by allowing this behavior.

Last night Lindsay showed up at Millions of Milkshakes in L.A.   Perez Hilton was somewhere in the swarm, Twittering that Lindsay actually tipped off the paps that she would be there.  Which, you know, I’m sure that’s true, but she looked so shocked by the crowd when she arrived.  I’m starting to think LL does have some acting talent, after all.

As the pictures show, the first thing the owner did was slap an apron on Linds who was basically sans bra and in a nightgown.  They went about the business of making shakes and you can see that Linds was very, very confused about mix-ins.  The employee tried to explain the process to her, but she still didn’t catch on.  Eventually, someone yelled, “Pretend you’re making a speedball!”  Things clicked.  And in case you aren’t familiar with my brand of humor, that didn’t really happen.  Well, the confusion did actually happen but the speedball tutorial did not.

If you’re looking to watch twelve scintillating minutes of Linds arriving in a state of shock, Linds comparing IQ points with a baby, and Linds being alternately flummoxed and terrified by the complex task of food service, get a drink — It is National Tequila Day — and click here.