Remember when Lindsay said she was a workaholic?  Do you think she meant alcoholic?  Oops, sorry — that was obvious.  What I meant to say was, “Do you think she meant shopaholic?”

I need to understand Lindsay Lohan’s technique of money management.  She spends her time making milkshakes and scenes yet can afford to shop at the toniest boutiques in Bev Hills.  I must be taught this method of finance immediately.

I can’t believe I just found this video this afternoon. Where the hell were you guys on this?? I should have had a minimum of 10 emails alerting me to this FANTASTIC clip that TMZ posted yesterday morning. Basically, Lindsay Lohan was waiting outside Samantha Ronson’s house at five in the morning, and when Sam came home she totally lost her shit. The paps got it all on tape. Sam is, of course, totally sober and sane, and Lindsay is wailing and crazy and obviously totally high. Here’s a basic transcript, courtesy of OK! magazine, or you can watch the vid here:

Lindsay: Samantha where were you? You lost it, what’s wrong with you? (Sam walks to her door, as Lindsay squeals to the other girl) Stop! Stop!
Sam: Who is this person?
Lindsay: (clearly confused crying) I’m your girlfriend!
Sam: No, who’s this other person here?
Lindsay: You know her…
Sam: So why were you yelling at her to stop?
Lindsay: Because she was just touching me. Where were you?!?
Sam: Okay. This one has to go.
Lindsay: Don’t talk to my friend like that, Samantha.
Sam: She’s on my property, I don’t know her, I want her out. It’s that simple.
(some unintelligible talking)
Lindsay: Where were you? Where were you? Where were you? Where were you? Where were you?
Sam: I was with my sister.
Lindsay: You’re lying!
Sam: Yeah, I’m lying. Seriously, please please. [To the other girl.] Go to the car, homie. I don’t know who you are.
Lindsay: I’ve been waiting for you for THREE HOURS.

Then the girl walks outside Sam’s gate, realizes (???) that there are paparazzi there, covers her face and stumbles out. Sam tells her to call a cab and even the paparazzi check to confirm she’s not driving. Then Sam and Lindsay head inside.

Samantha, WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH THIS? This is total insanity. You seem like a relatively grounded woman. You’re dating a crazy child. And you’re not helping her by allowing this behavior.

Last night Lindsay showed up at Millions of Milkshakes in L.A.   Perez Hilton was somewhere in the swarm, Twittering that Lindsay actually tipped off the paps that she would be there.  Which, you know, I’m sure that’s true, but she looked so shocked by the crowd when she arrived.  I’m starting to think LL does have some acting talent, after all.

As the pictures show, the first thing the owner did was slap an apron on Linds who was basically sans bra and in a nightgown.  They went about the business of making shakes and you can see that Linds was very, very confused about mix-ins.  The employee tried to explain the process to her, but she still didn’t catch on.  Eventually, someone yelled, “Pretend you’re making a speedball!”  Things clicked.  And in case you aren’t familiar with my brand of humor, that didn’t really happen.  Well, the confusion did actually happen but the speedball tutorial did not.

If you’re looking to watch twelve scintillating minutes of Linds arriving in a state of shock, Linds comparing IQ points with a baby, and Linds being alternately flummoxed and terrified by the complex task of food service, get a drink — It is National Tequila Day — and click here.

Slumber party!!!!

A bra-free Lindsay was spotted leaving Samantha’s house yesterday with a bag filled up with what looks like clothes. I’m sure toward the bottom she has the rest of the usuals: toothbrush, toothpaste, face wash, conflict resolution techniques, etc. Everything she needs to spend the night.

Where to begin?  First of all, I was really happy and relieved to learn that Samantha Ronson isn’t trying to make the moves on my Portia De Rossi.  The photo agency had the pics tagged incorrectly, and Sam was actually out to dinner with Drea De Matteo.  That raccoon tail really should have been the giveaway.  Two blondes with a “De” in their name, and a photographer who can’t tell the difference between the two — and I’m actually surprised by how similar they do look —  is all it takes to make a mistake and give me a nervous breakdown.  Speaking of nervous breakdowns, it looks like Lindsay wasn’t too happy about Sam and Drea having dinner together.

X17 has video of Lindsay arriving at Sam’s house at 6 a.m. and pathetically pounding on her door.  It’s kind of sad to watch, but it’s good for us to confirm that Lindsay isn’t getting her act together and is just as screwed up as ever.  Ronson let her in and near-immediate yelling commenced.  According to one of the photogs:  ”As soon as Lindsay was let in the house, her and Samantha began yelling at each other. Lindsay screamed a little bit at first, but then we heard Sam yell at Lindsay to get the f*ck out of her house! She sounded really irritated, and it seems like Lindsay was picking a fight with her over her dinner with Drea [de Matteo] at Nobu last night.”  You can watch the whole debacle unfold here.

So, I missed Lindsay Lohan’s big return to “film” in ABC Family’s television airing of Labor Pains today, but it’s airing again on Thursday and my DVR is SET, yo. I’m not gonna miss a minute of Lindsay Lohan’s fake pregnancy and real acting skills. However, I know Wendie watched it (yeah, I’m outing you on that) and I expect a full review from her when she starts work in the morning.

But I do have these pics of Lindsay messing with the paparazzi this weekend, stepping out of her house armed with waterguns. I bet she treasures those waterguns. They’re probalby the only thing she’s had squirting at her since the Calum Best days.

Oh, happy day! Samantha and Lindsay back together, in broad daylight, like the star-crossed, coke-fueled lovers that they are. Lindsay and Sam had lunch at a Mexican restaurant in LA yesterday, and then headed out to see the American Idol tour. Yeah, you read that right. The American Idol tour. They both clearly loved it, Twittering about how Matt Giraud and Adam Lambert were so amazing. (No comments on Kris Allen, though.)