Paris Hilton actually managed to get fired from her namesake Club Paris. Is there anything this girl can’t do? [The Blemish]

Pics from the Alpha Dog premiere’s after-party, with nary a Cameron Diaz in sight. [Monica Monroe]

K-Fed gets text-dissed by La Lohan. [The Superficial]

Britney Spears is back on the party scene, looking worse than I have ever, ever seen her look. The first pic is vaguely reminiscent of Rosie O’Donnell. [X17]

The “sole remaining” copy of the video of Steve Irwin’s death has been handed over to his widow. [Tabloid Whore]

Nicole Richie hires a shaman to rid her home of whatever “curse” triggered her string of bad luck in 2006. This shaman will, I assume, walk in, flush thirty-six baggies of coke down the toilet, and leave. [Junkiness]

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson’s publicity train makes a stop in Splitsville. [The Bosh]

Singer/model Tyrese allegedly punched his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach. [Gabsmash]

NEW YORK (AP) — Lindsay Lohan was to have surgery to remove her appendix, her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, said Thursday. Zelnik said in an e-mail that the 20-year-old actress was “having her appendix removed. She is resting comfortably.”

Well, I hope our girl is feeling better and enjoying ice cream. That said, what kind of publicist needs three names? Thanks for the info Leslie Sloane Zelnik!

After dropping the f-bomb on national television, Vanessa Minnillo spends the next few hours getting utterly wasted and attempting to flash New York City. [Mollygood]

It’s been months (and about 20 pounds) since we’ve had a Lindsay-Lohan-in-bikini photo set. [Cele|bitchy]

Paris Hilton graces the folks at Pure with an impromptu performance of “Stars Are Blind.” Not blind enough, figures the audience, and someone pelts her in the eye with ice. [Yeeeah!]

There are three young women at a house party. One is passed out. Another is flashing her breast. And the last is biting the inner thigh of the one who’s half-naked. Guess which one is Mary-Kate Olsen. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Pam Anderson drunk-ass wasted in Vegas on New Years. [Celebrity Smack, more, even more]

Jessica Alba in a bikini. You’re welcome. [IBBB]

Lindsay Lohan and Wilmer Valderrama make nice. [Celebslam]

That elusive Ashlee Simpson nip slip has arrived. [The Blemish]

New Years was rung in with a bang by celebrities from coast to coast. Here are some highlights of how celebrities got wasted, hooked up, and ended up giving us some great stories to kick off 2007!

Britney Spears almost dies at Pure in Vegas…no wait she was just really really “tired”…more on this later. [PerezHilton]

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden made out at Ghostbar in Vegas. You think Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan had a Feud…wait till she checks this out. [Dlisted]

Lindsay Lohan just looked beat in Miami. For not drinking she looks wasted here. [Mollygood]

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss tie the knot in Phuket, Thailand. Even though he is a drug addict and she just got her career back after a cocaine arrest…it seemed like a good idea at the time. [Daily Mail]

Hope you have recovered from your hangovers…

Bitch got her amateur strip on at Scores the other night. Via Page Six:

LINDSAY Lohan got down and dirty at Scores West for three hours early yesterday – jumping onstage to do a wild bump-and-grind, then ushering topless dancers into the bathroom to apologize for recently calling them all “whores.”

“I love strippers,” the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club’s “Turntable Tuesdays.”

Next, “She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on,” said our source. “Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once.

“It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her.”

Sober and stripping, which is probably more than you can say for most of the ladies who were working that night. She’s a natural.

Bitch got her amateur strip on at Scores the other night. Via Page Six:

LINDSAY Lohan got down and dirty at Scores West for three hours early yesterday – jumping onstage to do a wild bump-and-grind, then ushering topless dancers into the bathroom to apologize for recently calling them all “whores.”

“I love strippers,” the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club’s “Turntable Tuesdays.”

Next, “She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on,” said our source. “Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once.

“It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her.”

Sober and stripping, which is probably more than you can say for most of the ladies who were working that night. She’s a natural.

It has been a rough year for Leslie Sloan Zelnick, publicist to the stars. In June, client Britney Spears gave pretty much the most embarrassing interview ever to Matt Lauer. Zelnick took a ton of heat for not having been present at the trainwreck. But, as we all know, when Britney Spears wants to make a total ass of herself, that is what Britney Spears will do. She fired Zelnick in late September.

Zelnick’s also had the dubious honor of serving as Lindsay Lohan’s publicist this year, which I can’t imagine is your typical 9-5, and it seems like, as the year draws to a close, Zelnick is thisclose to losing it completely. Star magazine is running a story this week about how, despite talk of Lindsay’s AA participation, her pad is still a who’s who of uppers. They went to Zelnick for comment. Her response? “It’s all bulls–t.”

Well, if Lindsay really does have all that coke, hopefully she’s willing to donate some to her publicist. Because if anyone deserves to get loaded this holiday season, it’s Leslie Sloan Zelnick.