But this, folks — Perez and everyone else who’s running this story — is not cocaine. This is light reflecting off big-ass diamond earrings. Story after story lately implies that sobriety didn’t really take for Linds, at least not this time around, but, come on, that doesn’t necessarily mean that anything appearing white and powderish within a 20-mile vicinity of her person is always cocaine. Sometimes it’s heroin.

Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay. Where would we be without you? I know things are rough for you, what with you father being released from prison in, like, two hours, but do you really have to take your inner fear out on all the other women of Hollywood?

Lindsay’s prepping to head for London to film a new movie, The Best Time of Our Lives (co-starring Keira Knightley), and decided to get all her NYC (”sober”) partying out of her system beforehand. On her to-do list: DJ AM, recently split from Mandy Moore, and Jude Law, the on-again-off-again boyfriend of Sienna Miller. Lindsay partied with the two of them until the wee hours of the morning this weekend. Her mom Dina was at her side throughout, probably because she knows her daughter can score the best blow in town.

Prepare yourself, America.

Tomorrow morning, at 9 a.m., Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael will emerge from prison and once again become an active member of our society and, if possible, an even bigger thorn in our darling Lindsay’s side. It’s unfair, I suppose, to imply that he was not useful while in prison, as he was clearly hard at work creating tabloid prison art and, apparently, becoming an ordained minister, ready to “make amends for his past mistakes.” Sounds like someone wandered into a prison AA meeting.

But this is not the last you’ll hear of Michael Lohan, because he will now resume filming on the reality show, tentatively titled “Hollywood Dad,” that he had been filming before he was sentenced to all that stupid jail stuff where they don’t allow reality TV cameras. I am way, way excited about this. I hope there’s lots of crazy holier-than-thou religious discussion and ultimately lots of tequila shots, a bar fight, and a return to prison. Preferably all within a week or so.

They tried so, so hard to capture the total demise of a man in the spotlight with Breaking Bonaduce, but the sonofabitch survived. They tried again with Being Bobby Brown, but he’s still alive and kicking. I think they figure that, with Michael Lohan, they’ve finally got their man.

[Thanks to FishbowlLA for the heads-up]

That is only, of course, if by “sober” you mean “blonde and not at all sober.”

The “rehabbed” terror — who was spotted sneaking drinks at Winston’s along with the Hilton girls, and has returned to her habit of showing up on set four hours late — has dyed her hair blonde. Um, isn’t she in the middle of filming a movie right now? Either she just wrapped filming, or this color change is for the role, or the producers hate her so very, very much right now. I suppose all are equally likely options, and probably not mutually exclusive.

Update: Apparently she did, in fact, just wrap shooting on I Know Who Killed Me, and that’s why she chose now to go blonde.

Scojo has totally let the world know what she thinks of Lindsay Lohan in Parade Magazine. She doesn’t mention Lindsay outright but this quote leaves little to the imagination. Talking about her work habits Scarlett lets us know that, unlike some party-happy starlets, she gets to work on time.

“I’m very responsible when I’m working. I’ve just been doing it for a long time, and I’m not the kind of person who is going to show up to work three hours late, or maybe not come at all. That’s just not who I am. That just has to do with the fact that I understand that everybody else comes to work, and we would all like to get an extra four hours of sleep, but what can you do?”.

Scarlett is a class act. She can be famous without whoring herself out to the paparazzi twenty minutes after she gets out of rehab. The creepy thing, however, is that they both dated Jared Leto. Ew.

Lindsay Lohan’s out of rehab and on the loose. And everyone knows the next-best thing to some Grey Goose cocktail is some Ryan Phillippe … um .. you know. [A Socialite's Life]

Sarah Michelle Gellar: pregnant or fat? [INO]

Cammy Diaz nabs herself some Tyrese. [Cele|bitchy]

Premiere becomes the latest magazine to bid adieu to its print version, plans to focus efforts on online operations. [fishbowlLA]

Hey, guess who’s still freakin’ adorable? The Jolie-Pitt family! [ICYDK]

Also cute: TomKat and Suri, back on the intramural sports circuit. [dlisted]

Courtney Love breaks the big story that there was cocaine at Paris Hilton’s birthday party. We get it, Courtney. You’re sober now. But do you really have to ruin it for everyone else? [Warship]

Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer take little Ruby Sweetheart into the ocean. Nude. (She’s nude, not them.) [POTP]

Pics from Liz Hurley’s wedding. [Allie]

ScarJo puts on her very ugliest dress for the Louis Vuitton show. Hair and shoes to match. [SOW]

One billion pics from the NAACP Image Awards. [PopSugar]

Also … a VERY SPECIAL thanks to Joy A. at Pop on the Pop for giving Evil Beet a shout-out in her Mediabistro interview. We love ya, Joy, and we love reading POTP!