Hide the women, children, and small furry mammals because this thing is about to get real. Real real. Somehow, against all odds, Lindsay Lohan is not yet 21. Forget the fact that she’s gone to rehab and been photographed around 7,000 times out getting hammered. The girl still has to celebrate being able to get into clubs. That’s right, it’s bday blast time for Lohan. And I have a feeling the invitations will have ??? on the part that shows when the party ends.

She told Ellen DeGeneres (according to People)

“I’m going to milk it because it’s a big birthday,” Lohan, who plans to mark the July milestone with a bash in – where else? – Las Vegas, says on Wednesday’s The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

“Milk it,” for those not in the know, means enough cocaine to fell a traveling circus. Have you seen those Sweet 16 deals MTV films? She’s going to make those look like bingo night down at St Jude. It’s going to be nasty. They will have to hose that place down when it’s all over.

I say we start working on tickets now Beet, I’ll bring a fifth of moonshine, you bring the good looks.

There are 248 images from this event on WireImage right now. I swear to you that 239 of them are of Lindsay Lohan.

Pics of people other than Lindsay after the jump.

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There was a certain someone at the Armani Exchange Sunglass Launch yesterday in L.A. who can always put a smile on Miss Lohan’s face … find out who after the jump, plus more pics from the event.

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I think the thing that gets lost when Lindsay is acting like a lunatic is the fact that she’s actually quite striking. I don’t know if her life is going to come together, if she’s going to start acting like a full fledged grown-up, but in the right light, at the right time, I’d call her dreamy.

Also she wishes us peace. Also, I’m still not sure I’d date her. Due to daddy issues she’d probably punt your dog off a bridge in a drunken rage.

Those of you who have been waiting patiently for the Lindsay Lohan/Keira Knightley lesbian scene you were promised in their upcoming flick, Best Time of Our Lives, will just have to pull out the Vaseline and your Wild Things DVD and keep waiting. The ever-reliable Lohan dropped out of the Dylan Thomas biopic just days before filming was supposed to start. You know, because she’s not an addict, and everything is totally under control.

Keira’s mother, Sharman Macdonald, wrote the screenplay for the film, and Keira is reportedly “furious” with Lindsay for dropping out of the project. Lohan was slated to play Thomas’s wife, Caitlin MacNamara, which would include a lesbian sex scene with Knightley. There’s been no formal comment from Knightley or Lohan’s camp. However, rumor has it that Sienna Miller is taking over Lohan’s role, so there’s no need to be too disappointed, guys. It’s not like they went with Rosie O’Donnell instead.

Side note: I found this pic of Lindsay in Tokyo from April 13. That girl is still wearing that Foreigner t-shirt. Too. Damn. Funny.

So Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton really do not get along. Here is a hacked MySpace message that I found on MollyGood.

Here are some highlights of the article.

*Fuck you cunt! now that really does make me wonder…i know you chill with perez that is a given…u guys use eachother like tampons (Lindsay refering to Paris and PerezHilton’s relationship)

*i won’t sit here and pretend like we are friends. this shits so old, i get headaches. go suck elliots dick (Elliot is Paris Hilton’s PR guy)

*don’t start trouble. just because youre bored as hell doesnt give you the right to bring up all this dumb madeup shit you have going on in your head. i dont even talk to perez so nice try with the accusation lesbo.

I’m guessing the Paris Hilton might be behind all of this…just a thought.

Well, I suppose it’s better than arson. On April 11, Page Six reported that Harry Morton, Lindsay Lohan’s ex, arrived home to find his multi-million-dollar pad drenched in water coming from the apartment above his. That apartment belongs to Lindsay Lohan. Page Six reported that Lindsay had faulty plumbing, and Lohan’s rep reported that “this happened while Lindsay was in New York.”

But that was before TMZ was on the case. They actually managed to obtain the incident report from the condo complex, Sierra Towers. The officer on duty reports, “It seems that they left the faucet on. I turned it off.” Further, TMZ claims that Lindsay was not at all in NYC at that time because they have footage of her out partying. However, TMZ’s footage was posted on March 7, and was supposedly taken “last night,” which would mean the night of Tuesday, March 6. The incident report was filed a little after midnight on March 6, which is essentially late Monday night. So I’m not sure if this is proof that Lindsay was not in NYC at the time. Regardless, how often have you just accidentally left your bath water on while you headed out for the night? Then again, how often have you been nine cocktails and an eight-ball in before you headed out for the night …

Hugh Grant is very Lost in Translation at the Tokyo premiere of Music and Lyrics. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s lending her support and considerable star power to the new Charlotte Ronson store out there. Um, how do you say “butch” in Japanese?