Lindsay has finally explained that fuckfest of a fashion flop, better known as the Ungaro collection that she helped create.  As it turns out, she isn’t just some directionless “actress” who thought she could throw her name on a label and have it be successful — actually, that’s exactly the case — she just ran out of time.

That makes sense to me.  After all, when you’re pressed for time, churning out a collection of sequined and heart-shaped pasties, nipple tassels (though LL claims she didn’t know about those ahead of time) and ill-fitting, unimaginative frocks that make you the laughingstock of the fashion world seems to be the obvious action plan.  Fear not, though.  Ungaro is letting Linds fuck up another season’s worth of clothes.  “I am going back to Paris for the next collection….I am learning.  It’s already in January.  I thought it was in March.”

Ha ha ha I’d totally write something more but I’m laughing too hard at my own headline.

Okay but seriously people help me finish this sentence:

“Samantha Ronson secretly stayed with Lindsay Lohan in Singapore and ____________________ .”

Your imaginative responses go in the comments.

It’s reassuring to see that nothing has changed while I was away.  Sure, Lindsay may have finally switched over to her lindsaylohan account name (and I don’t blame her for trying to distance herself from that other ID that forever linked her with that DayGlo spray tanner in a can, sevinnyne6126), but other than that, I see she’s still sharing her angst with the Twitterverse.

In today’s installment of Lindsanity, the actress laments the mutual but impossible love that she shares with Samantha Ronson.  Two star-crossed lovers who can’t be together due to Sam’s disapproving family — a family comprised of a Grammy-winning music exec and a well-established clothing designer who apparently “hate” Sam’s ability to work a turntable.  What’s a talentless, singer/actress/model/director/fashion consultant/fame whore/stalker to do?

“The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius.”

- Dina Lohan to the New York Post on her incredibly brilliant daughter whose father says she could be heading to rehab for the third time in the near future.

Two extras from that show Cougar Town must have taken their SAG day rates and sunk them in to some tickets to Paris because these lovely ladies were seen cruising the streets of the City of Love yesterday. Who are they? They’re the Lohan sisters? Surely these handbag faces can’t be Lindsay and Ali Lohan? Isn’t one of them supposed to be a teenager? And the other one, the more less-famous one? Isn’t she like, 22 years old? What in God’s name has happened to their faces? And why is the brunette one wearing a jacket that implies she just came from chaperoning her 12 year old’s trip to Dave & Busters? I don’t understand…

Michael Lohan is busy blabbing to RadarOnline about Lindsay again.  Not really surprising since he doesn’t really have anything else to discuss.  Anyway, in his newest bid to solve all Lindsay’s problems — hey, I thought he was going to work with the LAPD to get LL’s stolen jewels back?? — he’s going to stage an intervention.

Now, I don’t know too much about interventions, though I did have a couple family members gently suggest that I turn off the CW if Mischa was really upsetting me to such an intense level, but are you supposed to let the addict know ahead of time that they’re about to be shipped off to rehab?

“I had a conversation with her, her mother and everyone…over the next couple of weeks I’m going to be doing things in a pretty public way,” Michael Lohan told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

“But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It’s a serious situation. You can’t just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing.”

Happily, Daddy Lohan finally admits to parenting through the press:  “When Lindsay doesn’t adhere or listen to what I say about serious situations, I feel I have to speak publicly to put pressure on her.  If she doesn’t take my advice and do what I say…the more pressure I put on her, the  more likely she is to eventually do the right thing.”

Good luck, Linds.  You’re going to need it — not just in overcoming your substance issues but also in finding a way to quit these waste-of-space parents you’ve been bestowed.

Lindsay Lohan has been in Paris for fashion week, and in light of the scathing reviews she received of her designs for Ungaro, babygirl is doing what she knows best: partying. While she wasn’t seen drinking or making frequent trips to the bathroom, Linds was still looking like a hot mess. And what’s with all the hair flipping? Was there a fan on her face the whole night?