We thought it was done between Lindsay and Samantha, but that’s why we’re a bunch of idiots. Of course these two can keep their hands off of each other… except this time it’s less “heavy petting” and more “heavy beating”, if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, let me spell it out for you: These two broads have turned on each other and their relationship, according to sources, has gotten violent. From Radar:

“One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.

“She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”

Yikes! And to add insult to injury (pun very much intended) these two crazy cats are living in the same building. If Lindsay’s bank account is in as much trouble as it’s rumored to be, Sam better be the one to make the move because I don’t think Lindsay even has the choice to go anywhere else. The source also told Radar:

“It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are,” said the source. “I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.”

This is a seriously unhealthy situation for both parties. Last time I was in a relationship this tumultuous and immature, I know it would have gone on forever if it wasn’t time for me to go to college.

They’re too old for their families to control their lives and make them move on (although Samantha’s family has tried), but they’re probably so young that they can still handle this much drama and bullshit. What’s going to be the last straw for these two?

Lindsay Lohan may have just broken up with her girlfriend that was probably definitely a woman, Samantha Ronson, but that doesn’t mean that that’s going to hold a bitch back from getting her make-out on. Yesterday Lohan was caught on tape (sorry, no embed) sucking face with a dude after shopping a bit at a store called Church Boutique on Santa Monica Boulevard. According to TMZ, this bro is some French actor named Aurelien Wiik. That explains the smile she has when he’s holding the sides of her face and talking to her. The dude looks like John Mayer and has a French accent. Damn, Lohan. That wasn’t the kind of comeback I was hoping you’d have, but I will accept it.

TMZ is quick to point out that Lindz’ transition from having a girlfriend to having a boyfriend is awfully similar to another crazy actress, Anne Heche. I’m not so quick to agree. We know that Lindsay has a long list of men she’s bedded, but who knows who or what she’ll date after this guy. I’m thinking that she could blow through at least three chicks and two dudes before Valentine’s Day if she plays her cards right. More than that, Lohan has the potential to bring object-sexuality to the mainstream. There’s no stopping a woman on a mission, am I right?

With all the attention on Tila Tequila, Charlie Sheen, and Tiger Woods lately, I wonder if Lindsay is feeling left out? There’s no need for her to feel neglected. If she wants some attention, all she needs to do is publish some photos of her wearing a horrible outfit on a Sunday night– she’s sure to get written up. But I guess having your driver nail a papparazo on a Saturday night will also do the trick.

Her driver was picking her up from the Hotel Cafe late Saturday night when the paparazzi crowded around the vehicle. One of the photographers was struck as it was pulling away. That photog later told medics (e.g. a drunk chick who’d been in the same bar) that it was a “hit and run” and that he’d hurt his hand. The driver of the vehicle is now a “person of interest” in a criminal assault with a deadly weapon investigation.

Judge for yourself who you think is to blame for this incident. It looks to me like the paparazzo got nailed because he crowded around the vehicle as it was trying to drive away– very quickly. I’d hardly call an injured hand a “hit and run,” especially if it was injured because you wouldn’t get your dumb ass out of the car’s way as it was driving off.

Lindsay Lohan was photographed getting on a plane back to the US today from St. Barts where she’s been partying down ever since just after Christmas. It looks like Lindsay is taking her resolution to make positive changes in her life pretty seriously, because homegirl was stretching, walking, picking on lettuce from her sister’s salad and smiling. All of that is really positive stuff. No negativity there. Really healthy. She’s changed a lot this week.

Lindsay Lohan took to her Twitter January 1st to let us know that this year we might be seeing a whole new side of her. Linds said (in the Tweets seen above) that this year she wants to leave behind all negative influences in her life (including people and “habbits”) and to keep those she loves in check. God, I love this bitch. Who else is like “All the people I love are so hurtful to me?” Granted, she’s got an exceptional situation with those parents of hers, but if you feel like all your friends and lovers are trying to “tear you down”? Dear Lord, girl. Legitimately take a year off from Hollywood and then come back when you’re ready to stand on your own two feet emotionally.

I doubt we’re going to see much of a change, but it’s sweet that she claims she’s trying.

Well, look who’s having the happiest new year ever! It’s the girl who deserves everything and more, Lindsay Lohan and her sister Ali jet-skiing around St. Bart’s. Lindsay revealed on her Twitter earlier this week that she was there ringing in 2010 on a yacht with some of her homies, including Jay-Z and Beyonce. Remember, kids: If you destroy your reputation and career through drug-induced mood swings and trouble with the law, you can still party in one of the most gorgeous places in the world with famous musicians!

Earlier this week, Lindsay Lohan announced on her Twitter that she’s releasing a full clothing line. Today that was confirmed on WWD that Linds is, in fact, releasing a line that has more than just leggings. Aw, remember when this girl was an actress?

The line is set to include everything from an $18 dollar pair of leggings to a $300 dollar leather jacket and each item purchased comes with the satisfaction of knowing that the woman who approved the design of your clothes is probably spending her cut on blow and vodka. The sketches that I’ve seen actually don’t seem that atrocious (Her leggings give me night terrors.), but we all remember The Ungaro Incident. However, her price points are significantly lowered and there are still tons of women out there that want to dress like this crazy bitch, so it could be a success.

Now do the girl a favor and follow her so she can give you the breaking news!