It’s actually a pretty long list.

I have to kill both Amanda Beard and model Lily Donaldson, both of whom Michael Phelps is rumored to be dating, but before I do that, I have to kill anyone involved in the creation of Windows Vista and the decision to install it on any fucking new laptop. From what I can tell, Windows Vista is in no way better than XP, it’s just very different and therefore impossible to navigate when you’re used to using XP. Oh, and it’s crashed twice already. Like, full-on core dump. While I was trying to do complicated things. Like connect to the Internet. Incredible. How long did Microsoft take to release this crapfest? Hopefully Bill Gates is doing a little better providing health care to children in third-world countries. Because if his track record over there is anything like fucking Vista, those kids are going to have bizarre mutations any day now. Like, the third eye won’t just be a figurative reference in rural India.

Seriously, what was wrong with XP? I hate you, Microsoft. I swore I’d never be a Mac user, but, for the first time in my life, I’m seriously considering it. I mean, if I’m gonna have to learn a new fucking OS from scratch anyway …

So anyway. Yeah. Phelps has been linked to both Amanda and Lily, both of whom I will kill so that he can be mine, all mine. But only after I get through with the folks at Microsoft.