This will end well:

LA: I don’t drink anymore.

DH: You’ve stopped for good?

LA: I’ve stopped for the foreseeable future.

DH: Was the drink getting out of control?

LA: No. I just decided that I didn’t want to give people ammunition to write things about me. I mean, I’ll just take cocaine now without any alcohol. [laughs]

DH: I’ve tried. It’s a nightmare. You become a jibbering wreck.

LA: God, I can’t imagine what that must be like.

DH: Yeah, it’s stupid. It’s the most horrible thing in the world. You’re just totally wired. And because everyone else around you is drinking and you’re not, it makes you really want to drink. But you don’t drink, so you just have more cocaine, which makes you more wired, and then everyone else sort of crashes out, and you say, “I hate myself.”

Old pals Damien Hirst and Lily Allen chat about the best-laid substance-abuse plans in the new issue of Interview.

The third nipple of Lily Allen-always a fascinating topic on a slow news day.  Oh, and the reporter in this clip is beyond creepy.

“The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you – you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that’s not true. I know lots of people who take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work. But we never hear that side of the story. I wish people wouldn’t sensationalise it. Some people are just bad at taking drugs.”

Lily Allen, who has always been completely responsible about her drug and alcohol consumption, in a controversial interview that’s pissed off a great deal of the U.K.

I’m thinking underwear.  Lily Allen did her best Posh this week wearing Armand Basi whilst shopping at Prada.  Did you like my cultural use of whilst?  I must have been a Brit in a past life.  I use whilst, snog, colour and cad like they belong to me.

Also, pictures of the totally sober Allen here last night showing off a winning smile and a naked ass.  She really is Britain’s answer to Tara Reid isn’t she?

Lily Allen left Nobu in London last night wearing what looks to be a homemade Coco Chanel t-shirt, Daisy Dukes, fishnet tights, gray Uggs and leather gloves. She also looks more than a little bit wasted, despite announcing that she wasn’t going to be drinking these days.

According to the paparazzi who were tracking her, a homeless man on the street got pissed at her because she wouldn’t give him a handout. He screamed at her that he was better dressed than she was, and that she looked like a newspaper.

Heh.

That homeless dude should start a blog.

Image via WENN

Lily Allen has done a cover of Britney Spears’ Womanizer.  A couple of things immediately come to mind:  1)  This song was just released a couple months ago.  We’re already doing remakes?  2)  I am so completely depressed listening to this version.  Like, get me some Lithium, hide all the razors, I need a pen and some paper to jot down a few final thoughts depressed.

What do you all think?  Better than or worse than Britney?  And was a cover of this really necessary ninety days out from the original release?

They step outside for a cigarette even though it’s freezing cold!

Actually, this celeb is NOT like me anymore!!! I’m over THREE MONTHS smoke-free, bitches!!! It was actually way harder not to smoke during my trip to LA. I think it’s because I’m now used to driving the streets of Seattle without a cigarette hanging out of my window, but I still associated LA driving with smoking. Combine that with the stress levels of going back to my old home and seeing people (and guys I used to date) for the first time in ages, people who I was very close to and then left rather suddenly and without much explanation and who still resent me a little for that, and, just, UGH. Let’s just say it’s a damn miracle I didn’t smoke. But I didn’t!

And now that my lungs are pretty much back to normal capacity, I’m doing something previously unthinkable. I am training for a half-marathon. Yeah, that’s right, me. Running 13.1 miles. Me. I still don’t completely believe I can do it, but I’m doing everything the damn training schedule says and I’m just going to trust that it’ll work. I’m running the Rock & Roll half-marathon in Arizona in January along with a group of my girlfriends from high school and college. I’m excited and nervous and kind of amazed at myself that I’m even willing to ATTEMPT something like this. Like, before, if my friends had been like, “Hey, you wanna train for a half-marathon with us?” I would have spit out my vodka so hard it would have drenched my cigarette. But today? Today, I’m like, “Yeah, sure, I’ll give it a go.” In. Sanity. But I’m psyched about it.

Anyway, here’s Lily outside the GQ party in London.