Old billy goat Rimes eschewed her usual lunch of chewin’ on other people’s husbands old tin cans  and headed out for a bite to eat at Santa Monica cafe Kreation yesterday with three puddin-bellied jabrones labeled by the paps as “friends.”

Those same three “friends” hung out with Dean Sheremet five days earlier in Dean’s new NYC stomping grounds. (I’m taking bets as to how long it will be before we see pics of Dean enjoying himself at Fire Island.)

I wonder which one of them will get to keep the “friends” in the divorce? (Dean finally filed the papers earlier this week. )

First of all, when did Leann Rimes start looking like such a jackal?  Was she always this creepy looking?  I want to carve the three seeds out of her head, cram a candle in there, and put her on my porch for Halloween.

Okay, so Leann Rimes and actor Eddie Cibrian have officially left their spouses and are a couple at this point.  Eddie’s wife, Brandi Glanville, has been squawking to the media since the springtime about Leann’s stalking ways.  Now, she’s still giving interviews — the media keeps referring to Brandi “breaking her silence” and I’m wondering when exactly that silence occurred and how did I miss it — about how Eddie and Leann were pawing each other in front of their spouses.  ”We went to play pool, went for sushi, dancing.”  Even though Glanville was used to her husband getting lots of female attention, “it was different this time. It was a little more reciprocated.” 

You know, I could give a rat’s ass about Leann Rimes and I didn’t even know who Eddie Cibrian was before this story broke.  What fascinates me though, is Eddie’s wife’s willingness to share all these sordid details with the public.  I’m voyeuristic by nature, and this chick Brandi is taking all the work out of it for me.  Now if I could just get the image of a naked Macauley Culkin Leann Rimes out of my head …

It looks like Leann Rimes’ married boyfriend, actor Eddie Cibrian, is finally free to see other people, since his wife dumped him on his ass.  I’m happy for him.  I find that lifetime commitment puts such a damper on dating.  His wife, Brandi Glanville spoke to Us magazine about the split.  ”Eddie and I have decided to take some time apart.  I want to do what is best for our children. Eddie and LeAnn[Rimes] deserve each other.”  I love when scorned women speak to the media!

And really, Glanville should be pissed.  Last month a second affair was uncovered.  It seems that prior to Eddie hooking up with Leann on their Lifetime television movie set, he was seeing Scheana Jancan.  She’s best known for giving interviews where she talked about her “relationship” with John Mayer.  And by “relationship” I mean “one night stand.”

Anyway, back to Rimes.  After four months, Glanville’s husband was still secretly seeing Leann.  They would meet up at the home of Jeff Berger — he’s a longtime friend of Leann and her husband Dean.  So, you know, obviously the rumors about Leann’s husband being gay must be true.  Why else would a family friend offer up his home so that his friend’s wife can have clandestine meet-ups with her married boyfriend?  I can’t even believe I wrote that sentence.  These people totally exhaust me.

It was only a couple of months ago that actor Eddie Cibrian was sucking Leann Rimes’ fingers.  Us Weekly got it all on video and the two “stars” parted ways.

Since then, Eddie and his wife, Brandi Glanville have been being photographed all over Hollywood with their pelves firmly pressed together, sending a message of unity.

Now Brandi is talking to Us Weekly, because they’ve been so helpful to date regarding her marriage, and she wants everyone to know that Leann is a nut.

“LeAnn is a stalker,” Glanville tells Us. “She refuses to leave us alone — it is shameful and scary. People are going to say it takes two to tango and I get that, but at some point LeAnn needs to stop asking him to dance.”

Glanville, a model (and mother of Mason, 6, and Jake, 2) alleges that Rimes (who was caught on video sucking Cibrian’s finger during a date) intentionally tracked down her husband at a L.A. Lakers game on May 17 — two weeks after he changed his phone number to end her “constant texting and calling.”

Glanville says Rimes’ motivation for her “disgusting” behavior is to get back in the limelight.

Adds Glanville, “She’s hurting my family and messing with the wrong mom.”

Gee, Leann.  Why don’t you leave Eddie alone and concentrate on having sex with your own husband?  Oh, wait…

Give Leann Rimes’ rep the award for most ridiculous press statement that doesn’t actually address the major issue at hand. Rime’s rep released the following statement to US Magazine in response to allegations of homosexuality that were lobbed at Rime’s husband, Dean Sheremet, Friday morning on the Detroit Mojo Morning Radio show by someone named “Pebbles” (who claims to be Sheremet’s cousin):

Although Dean and LeAnn never knew they had a cousin named Pebbles, they are glad to hear that she has come out of the woodwork. Dean and LeAnn are also interested in connecting with their other long lost family members: Fred, Wilma, Barney and Bamm-Bamm. So Pebbles, please let us know if you have spoken to them, too.”

So there ya go. Suck it Pebbles….. and… the other several people who called in to support claims of Sheremet’s love of man meat.

Anyway, who can blame him? I like man meat. I bet a lot of you like man meat too. If I had the opportunity, what I’d like to tell Sheremet is that it’s okay to be gay. It is not, however, okay to be married to Leann Rimes.

As of the writing of this post, there’s still no official statement justifying  the video relased earlier this week of Rimes sucking on the figers of Eddie Cibrian outside a family diner. Maybe they just have really super delicious fried chicken?? That’s something I can “have faith” in: super delicious fried chicken and the fact that Leann licked more than Cibiran’s fingers.

You know Dean Shermet, the back-up-dancer-turned-husband of Leann Rimes who responded to video evidence of her sucking on another man’s fingers by Twittering that he loves his wife?

It turns out that he just might be gay.

I know, I know. I can barely breathe I’m so surprised.

The kids over at a Detroit morning radio show were chatting about Leann and the break-up, when all of a sudden a bunch of Dean’s family and friends from way back when started calling in to talk about his extreme gayness.

Said his cousin: “I mean, there were so many situations that happened when we were teenagers… He’s gay. He’s been gay since he was probably five … The family literally used to take bets on what age he would come out, and then all of the sudden he got married!”

And says one of his former dance students: “He’s definitely gay.”

No wonder Leann was cheating. She probably hasn’t gotten laid in that marriage, well, ever. I assume they’re, like, best friends and have a veeeeery open marriage. Which is totally fine. If I can’t manage to find a husband in the next few years, I’m definitely marrying one of my gay buddies for the lower taxes and a shopping buddy. Plus I feel like I’ll have an easier time finding a boyfriend if I’m married. Men seem to dig that.

Now the married dude she’s been fucking has spoken out.  Eddie Cibrian is denying their involvement.  According to Cibrian, “Other than being friends and two actors who were romantically intertwined in a movie-for-television we filmed last fall, there is no truth to the reporting initiated by Us Magazine.  It is a fabricated story that is using random snapshots as connective tissue to create a scandalous relationship.”  You know, I tend to agree with him.  Other than the hand holding at :36, kissing at 1:47 and finger sucking at 2:10, I don’t know how people can conclude that these two are anything other than friends.  People are so quick to judge.

This is a screen grab from Leann’s blog today.  I guess it wasn’t just an affectionate yet platonic kiss across a table.

This is a very difficult time for me and my loved ones, but I appreciate all your continued support.”

I would like to assure all of you that this is a place for you to hear things directly from me and as you all know, not everything in our lives is always black and white.

Sadly, the place for her husband to hear things directly about Leann was probably Us Weekly.

Leann Rimes and her Lifetime movie co-star Eddie Cibrian seemed to hit it off right from the start.  The Northern Lights director, Mike Robe, said, “From the moment we rehearsed, LeAnn and Eddie honestly developed a really strong bond and a warm relationship.”  Apparently, a really warm relationship.

On March 7th, Rimes and Cibrian, both married to other people, were caught on security video kissing at Mosun and Club M in Laguna Beach.  Like, kissing at their table.  Also, on March 14th, they spent three hours in a room at the Malibu Beach Inn.  Obviously, these people have no idea how to have an affair.  Don’t they know that it’s all about heavy petting at the cemetery in your car?  Le sigh.

Anyway, no word on what the spouses think, but the pics I found of Leann at Lady GaGa’s concert on March 13th, all show her with no husband and her wedding ring hand shoved in her pocket.  We all know what hidden hands mean:  secret engagement, secret split or “I like to fondle myself.”

What is it about these fucking Lifetime movie sets?  Do they just slip roofies into every beverage available at the crafts service table?  This is the work of Tori Spelling, I tell you.  She was married and filming one of those horrible Lifetime movies when she met and fell in love with her otherwise betrothed co-star too.

From now on, when Hollywood marriages break up in lieu of on-set hook-ups, I’m saying, “Oh, that marriage so got Toried.”

Can we issue a warrant for the arrest of Gwyneth Paltrow’s stylist?  Her Grammy ensemble left me dumb and blind for several minutes.

Also behind the scenes at the Grammy Awards, Nicole Kidman’s facial muscles have left the building, Queen Latifah is still working on her healthy weight, Leann Rimes’ husband struck the “Yes, she’s pregnant!” pose,  and Katy Perry’s performance dress completely cancels out all the positive that had been accomplished by her red carpet look.

LeAnn Rimes is making her feature film debut with a small part in 2008’s Good Intentions, which is currently filming outside Atlanta. Her husband, dancer Dean Sheremet — to whom she’s been married since 2002 — was on-set with her, looking very important with headphones and all, although IMDB doesn’t credit him in any way on the film. I’m sure the producers just love having him hang out on set all day.

Shilling for Corn Flakes. Ooh, that gives me an idea. She should do a cover of Tori Amos’s “Cornflake Girl.” It would be good publicity for Corn Flakes and for Tori’s upcoming album! I don’t know why it would be good for Leann but who cares? She’s on a Corn Flakes box. It’s all over.

Pics taken at MTV studios in NYC.