Seriously I don’t know who this Spencer Pratt guy thinks he is but LC is wayyyyy cooler than he will ever be. Remember Spencer, she was the famous one that got you on TV in the first place. From what i’ve heard your has-been ass has not been able to get in the clubs lately. Wonder why. Here is a telling exerpt from the Spencer/Hedi US Weekly interview.

Us: Spencer, did Lauren’s split from your pal Brody Jenner makes things tricky?

Pratt: “Lauren couldn’t get into clubs before she met us! We were her ticket to Hollywood. As soon as the double dating stopped, she was out. She has trouble being the third wheel. That’s what she was when Brody didn’t want to keep seeing her.”

I’m not going to go into the fact that Hedi’s alibi is the fact that she was in the hospital because she had just gotten her boobs and nose done. Trying to compete with Spencer’s Playmates are we? I love LC, I hate these two doucebags…they are on the fast track to VH1’s “Celeb” Reality.

Well, not dishes, exactly, but certainly laments.

“My friend started reading the item to me, and I literally could not breathe,” she says. “I thought she was joking when she started telling me.”

“Honestly, they videotape my life five days out of the week. I don’t need additional footage, you know?” she says, when asked if she really did make the tape.

Lauren claims that someone planted the rumor specifically to hurt her, and people are starting to look at Heidi and Spencer as the front-runners. Lauren claims Heidi hasn’t even called her. “This has literally been, like, the worst week ever, and someone who’s supposedly my friend didn’t even call or text me.”

Heidi and Spencer both deny planting the rumor.

Is The Hills even filming right now? I think they’re on hiatus, which is just so sad, because it would be awesome to have all this caught on tape. Killer ratings. I hope MTV got a camera crew in there as soon as this news broke. I mean, there’s a big part of me that feels really horrible for Lauren in all this, because I think she’s probably a genuinely good kid who got thrown into a crappy situation, but then the other side of me — the one that started a gossip blog in the first place — gets all excited and can’t wait to watch this whole thing play out.

Lauren Conrad responded to rumors today that she made a sex tape with Jason Wahler which he is now planning to “leak.”

“There is no sex tape that exists,” says Lauren in a statement.

Awwwwwww. I hope she’s full of shit. I really really want there to be a Lauren Conrad sex tape.

Oh pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease tell me that girl was stupid enough to let Jason Wahler get her fucking on camera. Don’t get me wrong, I love LC, I think she’s adorable, and I’m usually rooting for her, but I have NO SYMPATHY for girls who let dudes do this. JUST DON’T DO IT, GIRLS. Especially if you’re Lauren Fucking Conrad. It is going to leak. Always, always. According to Perez, Lauren tried to break into Jason’s apartment to get the tape back, but she was unsuccessful. Jason finally agreed to give it back, but kept a copy for himself (duh). Now Jason wants to sell it before he goes to jail (for his physical altercation with a tow-truck driver). If no one will buy it, he may “leak” it online. Yay!!! I can’t wait!! That’s really what The Hills has been missing — a sex tape scandal.

After the season finale of The Hills, the ever-diligent folks over at Radar Online took it upon themselves to call up Heidi Montag’s mother in BFE, Colorado, and get her take on Heidi’s current situation. She swears that Heidi and Lauren are still the best of friends, Spencer is really a very good guy and Heidi is a very smart and responsible young woman who will soon release an album — to which she has written all the lyrics. OMG I can’t wait. If this album ever sees the light of day, I will honestly be the first in line. It will be hilarious.

And, look, I can tell you from experience that if anyone has a strong grasp on the life of a 21-year-old girl living in L.A., it’s her mother living in another state. Lord knows I told mine everything, with total candor. Except for anything that might upset her, worry her, interest her, or in any way motivate her to stop sending me money, or, God forbid, come out to visit. You can read the entire interview here, but I’ve picked out some highlights.

On Spencer: Heidi and Spencer are all about the show. Spencer has given quite a lot of himself to MTV, and they aren’t afraid to put themselves out there. But he’s not a bad guy at all—that’s all in the magic of editing. In fact, he adores Heidi and waits on her hand and foot, and she’d be with nothing less. Of course now it looks like, ew, why would you pick a slime bag over [Conrad], America’s sweetheart? But it’s not the reality. If things were the way they looked on TV, I would come to L.A. and take Spencer out myself.

On Heidi’s fame: No one is surprised. Even as a little girl in a small town she had this energy that has followed her. She took acting classes—not that The Hills is acting!—and would always want to be more grown up. We would let her carry glasses of wine around the house, but they would always be on her nightstand untouched the next day. She just liked the feeling of being older.

On Heidi’s future: As you know, she is recording an album and writing her own lyrics. And she has such a pretty little voice, I think it will be good. The third season is going to revolve more around that, I think. Spencer is helping with the record because he has connections, but if they broke up tomorrow, she would still be able to go on with the connections she has made out in L.A. Really, if you dropped Heidi off in the middle of nowhere she would still be happy.

I suppose it should be refreshing that the latest celebrity to launch a fashion line actually went to fashion school. Lauren Conrad, former star of Laguna Beach and the last bastion of likability on The Hills (I liked you for one day, Heidi. But then you got back with Spencer and I remembered you suck.), is launching her own fashion line — digitally, on Virtual Hills.

This is more an MTV story than a Lauren Conrad story. Poor MTV has been flailing in the online arena lately, as more of their target demographic turns away from the television and onto the Internet, ignoring MTV Overdrive and the like for social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. MTV fought back last month by laying off 250 employees and announcing plans to focus on online operations.

They’re trying to hype Virtual Hills and Virtual Laguna Beach here, and they’re using Lauren to help out. Says the PR release:

The introduction of Lauren’s physical and virtual world fashion lines takes the concept of personal expression to new heights for a generation of viewers who take their online persona as seriously as their real-world presence. Reflecting the casual yet smart aesthetic of her real-world attire, the virtual clothing line inspired by Lauren will make its debut in Virtual Hills tonight (http://www.virtualhills.mtv.com), March 6th at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, where fans will be able to buy clothes with in-world currency.

So, if you’re a teenage girl whose avatar would look cute in Lauren’s clothing, you should check this out. And, if you’re one of the 43-year-old male perverts composing 82% of the Virtual Hills community, with an avatar who would look cute in Lauren’s clothing, you should definitely check this out.

If you actually want to buy Lauren’s clothing line, so you can wear its pieces on your real-life body, no dice. They won’t be in stores until later this year, if ever, because, you know, that’s not really MTV’s priority right now. Hey, Lauren: you should have gone to Paris.