Shawn Southwick, wife of Larry King, went into rehab in June.  The official word was that she was addicted to painkillers that she took for migraines.  I’m thinking that a sandwich and a divorce could go a long way towards curing what ails her.  Because you know Larry King is a bastard to be married to.  His six previous unions (he married one chick twice) total twenty-two years.  And Southwick, single-handedly has put up with him for eleven.  She is so far past her expiration date.  I predict a “we part as close friends, please respect our privacy at this difficult time” statement by January 1st.  And yes, he looked like he was getting checked for polyps in every single picture he appeared in with his wife.

Anyway, I think Shawn needs some more rehab.  Last night, at Larry King’s 75th birthday celebration, Southwick looked like a walking corpse.  And that was always Larry’s role.  It’s a miracle Larry King even had a 75th birthday party.  This dude had quintuple bypass surgery twenty-one years ago.  I remember thinking then that he was on borrowed time.  He has managed to get engaged four times and married twice since.  Larry King is a machine.

As an aside, do you think Paulina Rubio could be Larry King’s love child?

Okay, he’s not really dead. I’m sorry for the confusion. But you have to admit he LOOKS dead.

This photo was taken at the Shrek 3 premiere because he is voicing a character called “Doris.”

I know you’re all looking forward to that.

Doesn’t Larry look like he might die any minute? Do you think CNN already has the obit video ready? I bet they do. Bastards.

Also, the interview was to announce that Oprah just opened a school in Senegal for any child named Harpo. Renaming your child is allowed, so it’s actually pretty inclusive.