Well, Britney knew Lance Bass was gay before you did, if you’re retarded and blind. Otherwise, you should have known Lance Bass was gay, like, the first time you saw an interview with him. One of my sorority sisters used to be obsessed with Lance. The mere mention of his name would cause her to go all red in the face and jump up and down. I was like, “Sweetheart, you do realize he is incredibly gay?” but she wasn’t hearing it.

She was Canadian, for what it’s worth.

Anyway:

LANCE Bass came out to Britney Spears before he told many of his other friends he was gay because he felt bad for her – and it was the last time they spoke. In a Q&A with Mickey Rapkin of GQ, Bass related, “It was the night of her first wedding, actually. I was in Vegas with her, her dancers, her manager, and my boyfriend at the time . . . Her manager had already gotten rid of [her first husband] Jason [Alexander] – they’d flown him home. Britney was upset about what she had done. I felt bad for her. I knew she was about to go through a lot of crap. I felt the need to share something. So I sat her on my bed, and I’m like, Well, I’m gay!” Spears was “surprised. I was always the Southern gentleman.” The two don’t talk anymore. Bass said, “I tried. She’s my neighbor in Beverly Hills. She lives next door. I tried to get in touch with her – I wanted to be that friend to help her.”

I think my favorite part of this story is the mental image of Britney’s manager approaching her new husband and being like, “Dude. It’s time for you to go.” And Jason Alexander being like, “Yeah, you’re probably right,” and getting on a plane. Like he’s five years old. Nothing like, “You know, I’m a grown man, and I’m going to stay in Vegas with my new fucking wife.” Nope, just happily getting on a plane because Britney’s manager says so. Love it.

What. The. Fuck?

Lance Bass was on hand to ring the closing bell at the NASDAQ stock exchange on September 11, 2007.

Because nothing says “We’ve recovered from a horrific tragedy of unimaginable proportions” like a gay former boy-bander and failed Cosmonaut.

I think this has something to do with the fact that Bass is currently appearing on Broadway in Hairspray, but still. It’d be nice to have someone like — oh, I don’t know — the President? — to do this.

Okay, okay. Lance Bass wrote a memoir. What is it titled? You have thirty seconds. Go.

If you didn’t guess Out of Sync, you were thinking way too hard. Of course that’s what he titled it. Because, seriously, how much gayer could a title get?

At all of 27 years old, Bass is planning to release a tell-all memoir for release this fall. The book will talk about his experiences with *NSYNC, his training as a Cosmonaut (although he never actually went to space, because MTV, who was supposed to foot the bill, pulled out), his decision to exit the closet in a very public manner, and his then-public relationship with Amazing Race star Reichen Leimkuhl.

I have to admit, although it’s easy to mock Lance for doing this, it’s a hell of lot more respectable than appearing on Dancing with the Stars (isn’t that right, Joey Fatone?). And Chris Kirkpatrick? I don’t think I’ve heard that name since Eminem was rhyming it with “you can get your ass kicked.” So props to you, Lance, and good luck with all this.

Teri Hatcher had a lunch date with George Bush, Sr. I’m not sure which of them I feel more sorry for. [Faded Youth]

Lance and Reichen had a love that could have lasted a lifetime … if it weren’t for some dude from Real World: Denver. [ICYDK]

Mischa and Cisco had a love that could have lasted a lifetime … if it weren’t for that picture of his gigantic testicles that made the Internet rounds. [Cele|bitchy]

Breaking: Angelina Jolie is thin. [The Bosh]

Yeah, okay, so Tori Spelling’s like 20 months pregnant, but is that really any excuse to look like Kirstie Alley? [The Blog You Love to Hate]

Blah blah blah … Ryan O’Neal … blah blah son drunk … blah blah blah pregnant girlfriend battered … blah blah blah … Gloria Allred? Jesus. [TMZ]

Will Nicky Hilton face actual consequences for her participation in her sister’s bigoted video projects? Maybe. You know who won’t face actual consequences? Paris. Ever. [MollyGood]

Lance and Reichen split for good. Lance must have heard about Reichen’s famous wandering eye, because he’s changed his MySpace song to fellow *NSYNCer’s “What Comes Around Goes Around.” Cute. [MollyGood]

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that no one is ever going to explain to me why Keeley Hazell is famous. But she sure is hot. [The Blemish]

Candid photos of an Olsen twin putting her mouth on someone else’s body? Never gets old. [CW]

Also in underage antics: Hilary Duff gets wasted at Hyde. [Monica Monroe]

Gideon Yago peaces out at MTV, gives audience waaay too much credit. [IBBB]

Perez Hilton’s war on the man who lanced Lance Bass, Reichen Leimkuhl, continues. Perez ran this not-so-blind item today:

Riddle me this: What not-so-bright professional pretty face is making up lies in a transparent attempt to save his relationship with his meal ticket? The power bottom – who loves to engage in various illegal activities, various friends of his who have partied with him confirm exclusively to PerezHilton.com – has a history of lying. Several moles in the celebrity weeklies tell us that during his recent split with a former boy-bander, whose publicist confirmed the news, the former military brat was still claiming the two were together. Obviously one party has more to lose from the demise of that relationship and he’s going to do whatever it takes to save it.

P.S. Not only did the not-so-bright homo hook up with a fellow reality TV star recently, but the two have also hooked up in the past!

It is sooo on.

Can you believe I got these things up before 10 pm?? GO ME!!!

Jennifer Hudson needs additional media training. [Defamer]

Mario Lopez and Dancing with the Stars partner Katrina Smirnoff are doing the horizontal tango, if you know what I mean. [MollyGood]

Reese Witherspoon(’s breasts) look amazing at the Kennedy Center Honors. [Yeeeah!]

Jen and Vince’s reps join forces to put the final nail in the Vaughniston coffin: “Jennifer and Vince mutually agreed to end their relationship.” The reps admit the two broke up in October, after Jen visited Vince in London. So, you know, right around when the blogosphere said they did. [Dirty Laundry]

Paul Walker has no need for talent. Good thing, too. [Celebrity Smack]

Scarlett Johansson: “Please masturbate to me. I want you to. I need you to. Do it three, four, five times a day. Before bed, in the morning, at the office, at your children’s day care, between rounds of golf, in front of your girlfriend, at your mother’s house, in the boss’s office, in the cafeteria, onto the mashed potatoes, anywhere, everywhere, I don’t care, just as long as you’re masturbating to me.” [Agent Bedhead]

Lance Bass says that he and Reichen are still trying to work things out. He made the statement via MySpace, which is totally Hollywood’s hottest PR agency right now. [ICYDK]

Photos from Johnny Depp’s first wedding in 1983. [popbytes]