She hasn’t accepted my MySpace friend request yet, so this is all I can see of Kristina Shannon’s profile for now.

We need to talk about this, because it’s blowing my mind.

Here is her screen name:

Kristina TALK ABOUT GREATNESS WENEVER THEY SPEAK ABOUT ME!!! DNT DOUBT URSELF TRUS ME U NEED ME!

What’s with all the missing letters?

Namely, what’s with the missing “H” in “WHENEVER”? I have all these theories. One, of course, is that she doesn’t know how to spell “whenever.” Is that a possibility at the age of 19, barring actual mental retardation? I don’t know. The second is that she ran out of space in the MySpace last-name field and had to remove some letters, hence the missing “T” in “TRUST,” because nobody actually thinks “trust” ends in an “s,” right? Okay. But if that were the case, why not remove one or two of those exclamation points to free up some space to spell words correctly?

Then I did something I am not proud of.

I used Microsoft Word to count the characters in her display name. There are 96 characters, including spaces. Next, I maxed out the characters in my own display name by entering a bunch of the letter ‘m.’ Once it was maxed out, I copy-pasted to Word and counted those characters. There are 50. So now I’m all upset that Kristina Fucking Shannon gets to have 96 letters in her display name and I’m only allowed 50.

What the fuck is up with that?

I also love that MySpace is begging me to join JDate. Like, who are you, my grandpa? Leave me alone! I am SO TIRED of Jew-boys! I’m gonna change my profile to say that I’m gay and Mormon. What kind of ads do you think I’d get then?

Oh, yay!!!

TMZ dug up some dirt on Karissa and Kristina Shannon, Hef’s newest squeezes.

Karissa (left) and Kristina Shannon (right) — who have recently moved into the Playboy Mansion — were both busted by St. Petersburg, Fla. police for felony aggravated battery back in January. They both received probation and were ordered to pay restitution to the two victims.

Karissa also has a misdemeanor battery charge on her record from 2007. Atta girl!

Playboy had no comment.

WTF???

I want more back story here. Who the hell did they beat up? And why? This could make for some very interesting television, indeed. I bet Holly’s having a good laugh over this shit.

Also, let’s do a brief before/after comparison of the girls with this photo taken this month:

Can you say chin implant?