Hugh Hefner’s Newest Girlfriend Feels Pretty
Thursday, October 9th, 2008
She hasn’t accepted my MySpace friend request yet, so this is all I can see of Kristina Shannon’s profile for now.
We need to talk about this, because it’s blowing my mind.
Here is her screen name:
Kristina TALK ABOUT GREATNESS WENEVER THEY SPEAK ABOUT ME!!! DNT DOUBT URSELF TRUS ME U NEED ME!
What’s with all the missing letters?
Namely, what’s with the missing “H” in “WHENEVER”? I have all these theories. One, of course, is that she doesn’t know how to spell “whenever.” Is that a possibility at the age of 19, barring actual mental retardation? I don’t know. The second is that she ran out of space in the MySpace last-name field and had to remove some letters, hence the missing “T” in “TRUST,” because nobody actually thinks “trust” ends in an “s,” right? Okay. But if that were the case, why not remove one or two of those exclamation points to free up some space to spell words correctly?
Then I did something I am not proud of.
I used Microsoft Word to count the characters in her display name. There are 96 characters, including spaces. Next, I maxed out the characters in my own display name by entering a bunch of the letter ‘m.’ Once it was maxed out, I copy-pasted to Word and counted those characters. There are 50. So now I’m all upset that Kristina Fucking Shannon gets to have 96 letters in her display name and I’m only allowed 50.
What the fuck is up with that?
I also love that MySpace is begging me to join JDate. Like, who are you, my grandpa? Leave me alone! I am SO TIRED of Jew-boys! I’m gonna change my profile to say that I’m gay and Mormon. What kind of ads do you think I’d get then?
