You know, in all this hype about Jersey Shore, I’ve completely forgotten about The Hills. So has the rest of the country, it turns out, as the Kristin Cavallari-helmed former reality juggernaut continues to slide in the ratings. Jersey Shore beat The Hills in the ratings last week, and no one could be happier about that than Lauren Conrad, who jumped off the sinking ship last season, leaving her nemeses there to drown. I’m telling you — that’s a bright girl there, that Lauren Conrad.

Lauren Conrad’s favorite MTV reality show isn’t The Hills — it’s Jersey Shore! “I love it!” Conrad told UsMagazine.com at the Kari Feinstein Golden Globes Style Lounge at Zune L.A. Saturday.

“We had a double episode last night and it was the highlight of my week. It was awesome,” Conrad, 23, enthused of MTV’s latest hit, which is gaining in the the ratings as The Hills continues to slide. “I actually haven’t seen it since I left [in spring 2009],” Conrad told Us of The Hills.

Of Jersey Shore’s colorful cast, Conrad singles out Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. “I have a love-hate [relationship] with The Situation,” she admitted. “I’m like, ‘you are not that cool but then I am like, ‘Uuugh you are so entertaining!’ I really like JWoww just because she can throw a punch.”

Oooh, JWoww is my favorite, too! And then Snooki next. I really think the three of us would be fantastic friends. And then we could hang out with Lauren Conrad and it would be a foursome. OH THAT IS SUCH A GOOD PLAN.

I have to make the embarrassing admission that I’ve started watching The Hills again since Kristin Cavallari came back. I am a lifelong, card-carrying Kristin hater, but, damn, that crazy bitch makes good television. I never thought I could make the switch from LC to KC, but it happened, and I’m sort of in love.

That said, I missed Tuesday night’s episode, because I was busy flaking on Ignite Seattle (sorry guys!) and instead making my date watch Bad Girls Club and follow Saranden and Sierra’s real-time chat on OxygenLive.com (which was a giant hit tonight — THANK YOU to everyone who participated!!! We’re still kind of on a high about how well it went!)

BGC’s season premiere was freakin’ amazing — everyone is fantastically catty and horrid, and I just can’t love that show enough. One of the girls called Rihanna a “punk-ass bitch” who deserved to get hit and then she got kicked out of Saddle Ranch for throwing her Red Bull at the bartender (classy times two!) and then there was a giant catfight among the tough girls back at the house over who was “harder.” (Answer: My date! HA!!!)

But I guess while I was watching the Bad Girls Club bitches, The Hills was having its season finale party, and Kristin was talking about her regrets from this season. Being a boyfriend-stealing soulless bitch? Not among them. Instead?

It’s her now-infamous girl kiss that she kind of wished didn’t happen. “I think that sort of my I-wish-I-didn’t moment was when I made out with Stacie in Vegas,” she explained. “That was one episode I had to call my dad and say, ‘Dad, sorry — this is going to be your least favorite episode.’ ”

It was a moment that not only surprised the audience at home, but also her father. “He said, ‘Great.’ He was like, ‘Oh, great,’ and then when he called me — sometimes he’ll call me after every episode just to talk about it — he didn’t say one word about the episode. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing … it’s probably a bad thing,” she laughed.

I’m sure her dad really appreciates her going on the record about that. Like, “My parents don’t care that I’m basically a moral-free whore, but OH MY GOD are they homophobes!” Nice, Kristin.

“I almost felt like it was unfair for [MTV] to come into our lives at such a young age and sort of mess with things. I don’t regret it, but I was 17 — of course I wanted to be on TV. I felt like they should have been a little bit more careful with us.”

Kristin Cavallari talks to the LA Times with the most useful thing to come out of her mouth since John Mayer’s penis. (What? Sure, he’s a jackass, but from what I hear his penis is very useful.)

As Molls mentioned earlier today, the ubiquitously hated Kristin takes over as the star of The Hills tonight. Unlike Molls, I’m not a Kristin Cavallari fan (and I think she planted those John Mayer rumors herself). That said, I will probably watch The Hills tonight for the first time in years, just to watch Audrina in a huff over whatever dumb, fake shit Kristin does. Because in the battle of annoyingness, Audrina is actually beating Kristin these days in my mind. And plus, have you seen the trailer? (It’s above.)

Something tells me this show’s gonna see killer ratings tonight. And that is going to PISS OFF Miz Lauren Conrad. I can’t wait for her statement about how she’s very happy the show is so successful without her but she’s really sad for Kristin that she has to be such a bitch all the time to stay famous. It’s coming, believe it.

It was just last night that Beet was flummoxed over the possibility that John Mayer and Kristin Cavallari might be sailing into relationship territory.  It appears that Janet Charleton was wrong.  At least, that’s what John Mayer is Tweeting.

As usual, Mayer approached the rumor in his standard, eighth-grade style.  Kristin, you dodged a bullet with this one.

Wow, Beet.  This did feel very Hills-ish.  Can we never do this again?  I suppose a cast-wide site ban would be too much to hope for.

Sigh. I’m just gonna tell you what Janet Charleton told me, and I’m not going to copy-paste it into my text as though I wrote it myself, unlike another, unnamed gossip blogger:

If you read Page Six you might remember a recent blind item they printed about secret trysts between a reality star and a well known singer. We are revealing that pair to be John Mayer and “The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari! They have been hooking up secretly at a mutual friend’s house in the Mt Olympus area of the Hollywood Hills for the past two years! Our source says that Kristin was hesitant to date John publicly because she didn’t want to be added to his long list of conquests, and they were both dating other people off and on. Recently their “friends with benefits” relationship has evolved, and they are actually considering going public.

So, like, love her or hate her, Janet Charleton’s usually right about this shit. Which just leaves my mind boggled. I mean, I almost didn’t do this post, because Kristin Cavallari is closely associated in my mind with The Couple That Shall Not Be Named, and I feel like we should ban her just due to her proximity to them on any sort of Hollywood Douchebaggery graph (the x-axis is “Time Spent on an MTV Reality Show” and the y-axis is “dignity”). But I’m letting her slide, for now, because I’m fascinated by the idea that John Mayer really would stoop so low as to date Kristin Cavallari. The sex I understand … but a relationship? Sometimes I think this kid just looks for relationships that will eventually make good songs.

Oh, and it’s especially interesting as it comes on the heels of Jennifer Aniston once again raging against the “lonely girl” epithet that’s been attached to her name with the force of the Hellenic army. Because if these numbers are right, Kristin was in the picture at the same time she was. Sa-weeeeet!

Kristin played around on the beach while filming an upcoming episode of The Hills. As is usually the case with “stars” of The Hills, I found myself wondering aloud why she’s famous. But I think if you have abs like that, you are required to be famous. Otherwise, it just wouldn’t be fair to all us normal, non-famous, schlubs with normal, non-famous squishy mid-sections.

We deeply examine a lot of critical social issues around here such as Prop 8, major elections, and the Duff sisters latest plastic surgery procedures.  So, today I’d like to lighten things up a bit.

With that mindset in place, I ask you, what’s worse?  Kristin Cavallari in this dress, or…

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