Gwen Stefani turns 40 today, and it’s too soon. If Gwen Stefani is 40, then I am no longer in the present progressive tense of misspending my youth, I’ve done spent that shit and am moving solidly into purchasing a pair of love handles for my middle age.

I am shamed by Gwen. Chances are, you are too. Not only has she already accomplished more in her life than most people who’ve been on this planet twice as long, she looks better than I did at half her age. Look at those abs, people! I could exfoliate my face on them!

Gwen celebrated with hubby Gavin Rossdale and her impossibly adorable kids, Zuma and Kingston at Cecconi’s Restaurant in West Hollywood today. Happy birthday Gwen, you fabulous badass for whom age is nothing but an empty number to be sneered at, shanked, and punched in the face.

And happy birthday to my sister, Heather, who also has a son named for a capital city. She turns an age today that I’m not sure she’d want me to say, so I won’t. Love you sis!

Ahhhhhhh ha ha ha ha.

Just kidding, guys.

We don’t talk shit about small children around here. Plus I will just say outright that I LOVE this look. I would like to know who makes it and where I can get one for myself. I want to wear it into the office at some point next week. I look very good in both purple and green, and I also enjoy pretending that I am a dinosaur. ROOOOOOOAR.

Kingston had a little play date in LA yesterday with the Beckham boys, Romeo and Brooklyn. They are wearing slightly less compelling outfits. Kingston is so fashion-forward.

Gwen Stefani holds a screaming Kingston in one arm and newborn Zuma in the other (covered completely in a blanket) as she and her family make their way through LAX, returning from a vacation in Cabo San Lucas.

The swarm of paparazzi was so intense, Gwen had to get a police escort out of the building.

I don’t envy her right now.