I think I smell another C-list feud.

Kelly Osbourne and Kim Stewart were set to do a reality show together on E! next season. It was supposed to be a Simple Life replacement, except with less famous and less interesting people. Unsurprisingly, “the network just wasn’t into Kelly and Kimberly’s show.” Instead, it looks like they’ll be the mystery network airing the Kim Kardashian reality show I mentioned last week, which co-stars her gazillion brothers and sisters, including Brody Jenner, who has to win some sort of award for reality shows based loosely around his life (Princes of Malibu, The Hills and now this … even Lauren Conrad can’t top that). Poor Kim Stewart’s tried forever to get on reality TV … she was trying to be the Nicole Richie replacement on The Simple Life during the Paris/Nicole feud, but the network was like, “Um, it turns out that you’re not very interesting when you’re not toppling off motorcycles on red carpets, so no.” I guess she’s just not destined for reality TV stardom.

Ah, D-list love.

Perhaps Kim Stewart was dissatisfied with the level of press coverage she was getting from porking Tommy Lee, or perhaps she was acting on orders from Paris Hilton, who was quietly managing to ruin Lindsay Lohan’s life even while waging war on jail recidivism rates by creating transitional housing for former female inmates having her hair extensions dyed. Or maybe these two just share that special bond two people inevitably forge when they’re both famous for absolutely nothing.

Whatever the reason, Kimberly Stewart and Calum Best were spotted leaving Il Sole together on Friday night, and the buzz on the street is that they were there on a date. Make of it what you will.

Former Paris BFF Kim Stewart apparently has a new column on TMZ, and I love that it’s juxtaposed with the latest pic of Paris sobbing as she’s hauled off to court. And this isn’t one of Paris’s “oh I’m so sad poor me take my picture” faces; she’s genuinely upset. Meanwhile: PARTYING WITH POSH!

Some really interesting pictures coming out of the WhiteTrash Charms Playboy Jewelry Launch Party at Hyde last night. Kelly Osborne hosted the event, and basically looked like a drag queen doing her very best Kelly Osbourne. Those extensions look ridiculous on her. Also, she was making out with Kim Stewart on the dance floor.

Hef and Holly were there, and Hef couldn’t keep his hands off Holly’s belly. He never touches her like that. She also looks like she’s put on a couple pounds — could Holly finally be pregnant with Hef’s fat paycheck little baby?

Also, for some strange reason, Blake Lewis was there. And it doesn’t look like he changed after AmIdol wrapped their taping. Isn’t this the outfit he was wearing on the show last night?

Oh, and Melissa Rivers was there, looking man-ish as ever, as well as newly minuted PMOY Sara Jean Underwood, looking adorable for someone who, as our commentors noticed, doesn’t have a vagina.

Britney Spears and her new extensions score with the Vegas casinos and possibly Mario Lopez. Some other bloggers may refer to Lopez as a star of Saved by the Bell and, more recently, Dancing with the Stars. I will, now and always, refer to him as the jackass who married the Doritos girl and then cheated on her three days after the wedding. Come on, Brit. You can do better. [Faded Youth]

Kimberley Stewart denies having a liver disease, agrees with me that her father crossed the line by a good solid mile. “I love my dad but sometimes he has a big mouth, and not just when he’s singing. I don’t have a liver disease.” [Celebrity Smack]

Why bother getting raped when you can just pay to have sex with Mike Tyson? Heidi Fleiss says she has hired the boxer as an “employee” of her planned Nevada brothel for female clientele. [Tabloid Whore]

I know I give her a hard time, but I’ll be honest: Katharine McPhee looks killer in these recent photo shoots. [Pop on the Pop]

Okay, it’s over. I have been putting off saying this for a really long time — even though I saw it coming — because it’s saddening to me, and it feels like the end of a truly glorious era. But it’s happened, and there’s no more denying it: Pamela Anderson looks old. [Teddy and Moo]

Rod Stewart offspring and Paris Hilton sidekick Kimberley Stewart, 27, has liver disease from excessive alcohol consumption, her father told Rolling Stone. Before I get into the details, I’d like to note what a great dad Rod Stewart must be. This is really what fathers are for: alerting the national media when your liver malfunctions because you’re a raging alcoholic. It’s like that one time my dad called his buddy at Reuters when I got my first period. I love you, Pops. Seriously, was Rod Stewart drunk when he gave this interview?

Says the elder Stewart: “She just discovered that she had a very serious liver illness from drinking too much. She said to me, ‘Dad, I’m half Scottish – I thought I was allowed to drink a lot.’ “I said, ‘No, darling, it doesn’t work like that.’” Ah, that glorious moment in all father-daughter relationships, when the daughter assumes that her genetic predisposition to alocholism somehow also shields her from its consequences, and the father, wise from many years of drunkenly saying mind-blowingly stupid things in interviews, assures her that this is not the case. Apparently Stewart has quit drinking and smoking three months ago and has started seeing a liver specialist.

If you can believe it, Kim’s brother, Sean, has put some time in at a rehab center for drug and alcohol problems.

On a side note, could this be the “friend” for whom Lindsay Lohan was wearing an AA 90-day chip earlier in the month? Are Lohan and Stewart even friends? I’m not certain, but I do love to speculate on these matters.