“No! What?! Right. I can give you a definite no on that. In one word: No. In two words, hell, no!”

The always-classy Kid Pebble, on Ryan Seacrest’s show, when asked if he’d be teaming up with Britney Separs for a VMA performance.

Although the fight was last October, the video of the fist fight Kid Rock got arrested for at an Atlanta Waffle House has just been released.

In case you care.

Kid Pebble has finally been sentenced for his little ass-kicking at an Atlanta Waffle House last year.

He’ll have 12 months of probation and six hours of anger management counseling. Plus, he’s gotta do 80 hours of community service and was fined a whopping $1000.

Wow, this is sure to fix everything. I’m sure we’ll see no more trouble out of Kid Pebble in the future.

Oh, and this photo where he’s grinning? Is his mug shot. Hey, at least he didn’t have his hair and makeup done for the photo, a la Khloe Kardashian.

What? It’s June, people. It’s very important to stay well-hydrated. Clearly Kid Pebble did not pack enough juice boxes when he partied into the wee hours of the morning at Central London’s Whisky Mist nightclub, because he failed to appear as scheduled on stage at the Download Festival the next day. He had been hospitalized for “dehydration.”

Dehydration was a very serious summer issue in Arizona, where I grew up. We were lectured again and again about the importance of drinking water all day long, and we were always given juice boxes and water bottles wherever we went. And let me tell you, even as small children running around outside all day, we managed to keep ourselves hydrated. I lived in Phoenix, Arizona for twenty-one years and I never knew a single person who was actually hospitalized for dehydration.

I did, however, know plenty of people who were hospitalized for alcohol poisoning and drug overdoses.

I’m just saying.

Oh, and while he was in London, Kid Pebble gave an interview to The Guardian, and he had this to say about his failed relationship with Pamela Anderson: “I touched the stove, it’s fucking hot, I don’t want to touch it any more.”

“When your record sells 50,000 or 60,000 copies, you’re hooking up with bigger women in, like, southern Ohio. Then, 10 million, 15 million, when the sales went up, the girls got prettier.”

Kid Rock, to the London Observer

I guess Tommy Lee decided to be the bigger man here, and asked Clark County police not to press charges against Kid for their Alicia Keys-interrupting VMA fight.

“The Clark County District Attorney’s Office will not pursue a battery charge,” Chief Deputy District Attorney Ron Bloxham tells Extra. “It should be noted that Tommy Lee has requested that there be no prosecution relating to the incident and there were no injuries to either person.”

So basically they’re both lousy fighters.

Kid Rock still faces charges in Atlanta for that little Waffle House incident.

Oops, did I fall asleep writing that headline?

Sorry, it’s just that anything having to do with Kid Pebble is so unbelievably fucking boring to me.

He got arrested at a fucking Waffle House in Atlanta for getting into a fight with some people over what I’m sure is something retarded. Like they didn’t pass the syrup fast enough.

Kid Rock is such a tool. I want him to go away. I’m tired of covering his stupid bullshit.

I mean, seriously, a fist fight at a Waffle House? Why don’t ya’ll just take the car down off the cinderblocks and hit each other over the head with those?

The best part of this whole story is the fabulous graphic that David at Pretty on the Outside has drawn up to go along with the story.

What on earth did we do before blogs?

How did celebrities ever speak their minds?

Tommy Lee wants to tell his story of the fight he had with Kid Rock at the VMAs, so he’s taken to his blog to get the word out. What you need to focus on here are the letters that come in between the super-ellipses. I know all the dots on the page are hard to ignore and very, very important — not to mention grammatically essential — but please try to direct your focus to the actual words.

Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the Mtv awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT AS FUCK!!!!…..Megan FOX!!! So I go over and sit with P!! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….”i apologize sweetie”…..i had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect, ……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…i stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous no career havin country bumpkin the fuck OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ….security guards…NOT MINE at the Palms grab me and haul my ass outta the award show threatening me that if I move they’ll break my arm……yeah whatever!!….my security guard Bruce grabs them and say’s I got him….let go!!! So im fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullshit!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and Mtv for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!

Much Love always!!…..Tommy!!

Okay, am I the only one who feels dumb about actually laughing out loud at Kid Pebble? I’m not sure why I think it’s so funny. It’s not funny in a brilliantly witty way, but it’s funny in an oh-my-God-a-grown-man-and-the-father-of-children-just-said-this kind of way. Also, I love the name-dropping, Tommy. I wish I were cool enough to know George Maloof. Then I could say his name for reason at all, too.

Also, can I get a brief essay from you on why exactly you put an apostrophe in “say’s”? What, exactly, is the apostrophe replacing there? I’m genuinely curious to hear your thoughts on that.