I’m 37 years old and I’ve never smoked pot.  Believe me, this isn’t the result of some Nancy Reagan pledge I took in the eighth grade.  I just refuse to utilize any substance that makes me have the munchies more than I do every day in my unaltered state.

A Pair of Dicks movie director Kevin Smith — you may remember that he’s the one Jennifer Garner hated – was never much of a stoner.  That is, until he hung out with Seth Rogen last summer.  Now he’s doling out advice to our leaders of tomorrow that basically translates to:  ”Smoke!”

The king of stoner moviemakers, Kevin Smith, never really smoked much marijuana until Seth Rogen talked him into it last summer, he says. Now he sparks up at least three times a day and credits pot for helping him to dig his way out of a creative slump.

Not the sort of advice responsible parents, doctors or educators are likely to embrace, Smith told The Post’s Don Kaplan, “I know you’re supposed to tell kids not to do drugs, but, kids, do it! Do weed! Don’t do the other stuff, but weed is good . . . What you want to do is what I did, build a movie empire and, at age 38, smoke it all away.

…Now, thanks to a steady diet of marijuana, Smith says he’s moved on to greener pastures — writing a new “Batman” comic and directing films he didn’t write, including the upcoming cop buddy flick, “A Pair of Dicks,” with Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan.  Smith says he’s “just not good” at directing his own stories anymore: “Judd Apatow is way better at being Kevin Smith now than Kevin Smith ever was. So Judd Apatow should do it for a while, and I should figure out something else, and weed has been [bleeping] helpful with that.”

Shit, I’ve been missing out on so much potential creativity by taking this whole sober stance.  I plan to start sparking up immediately to see if it will help me be able to do pottery.  I’ve always wanted to throw a pot; maybe inhaling some is the place to start. Mmm … Fritos!

This was kind of a win/win situation for the producers of Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

Scenario 1: The MPAA approves this promo poster, and everybody writes about it.
Scenario 2: The MPAA does not approve this promo poster, and everybody writes about it.

“When you’ve got the word ‘porno’ in the title, naturally, the marketing materials are gonna be scrutinized more closely by the MPAA,” says the director, Kevin Smith. “I understand they’ve got a job to do, but c’mon…this image isn’t that dirty; they’re both fully clad.”

The poster was, however, approved for use in Canada.

“I’ve always loved Canada and Canadians for giving us hockey,” says Smith. “Now, I love ‘em just a little bit more. For allowing tufts of hair.”

Oh, and just so you don’t have to tear your hair out trying to figure out where you’ve seen Elizabeth Banks — besides in a Kevin Smith flick — she played that doctor chick that Zach Braff knocked up on Scrubs.