Britney Spears and K-Fed briefly reunite to jointly issue one last depressing statement: they did not make a sex tape. [Agent Bedhead]

Somehow — somehow — Wesley Snipes has managed to compare his tax evasion indictment to rape and accuse the federal government of racism in a single well-advised statement sent via email to a columnist for the Orlando Sentinel. [E! Online]

I still haven’t figured out who this Katie “Jordan” Price person is, but she’s selling her implants on eBay. [Hollyscoop]

Will Smith homeschools his kids, because he knows everything. [Junkiness]

Kristin Cavallari has found someone even less famous than Brody Jenner to date, her Revenge of the Nerds “co-star,” Nick Zano. [Superficial Girls]

Oh hells no! Britney removes K-Fed from her top 12 on MySpace. That’s what you get for writing mean things about her on shower walls, Kevin. [Faded Youth]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are turned away from the London world premiere of Casino Royale, after someone very wise determined that perhaps Queen Elizabeth should not share a red carpet with a world-renowned cokehead. [Agent Bedhead]

Madonna confirms that she plans to adopt a baby girl from Malawi, in order to “redress the balance” in her family. Madonna says things like “redress” because she’s British. Oh wait. [Dirty Laundry]

Donald Trump is going to be a grandpa. Sadly, it’s not because Lance Armstrong knocked up Ivanka. [The Bosh]

Madame Tussaud’s unveils the new Ashlee Simpson wax likeness. What’s that? Oh, I’m told that’s actually Ashlee Simpson. [Celebrity Smack]

Okay, so, in college, some friends and I determined that Sexual Misadventures with Kimmy Gibbler would be, hands-down, the best band name ever. My reasons for mentioning this now are twofold. First, it’s still true, and someone should get on that. Second, Bob Saget actually makes reference to sex with Kimmy Gibbler in this clip of his stand-up, where he sings “Danny Tanner Is Not Gay” to the tune of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want it That Way.” [BWE]

Are you ready to masturbate to sneakers? Reebok sure hopes so. They’ve hired Scarlett to co-create a line of footwear and apparel and star in the ad campaign. [IDLYITW]

Finally! It’s time for the Reese Witherspoon love interest rumors! Up first: Jake Gyllenhaal. [Hollywood Grind]

“Which singer had to deliver her child via Cesarean because of a raunchy STD her estranged husband gave her?”

Via Page Six today this item leads one to believe that not only did KFed leave B saddled with two kids but also a nasty case of the herps.

Stay away from boys from Fresno.

Hell hath no fury like Kevin Federline scorned. Britain’s News of the World reports that Britney’s soon-to-be ex-hubby is shopping a four-hour sex tape the two recorded at the beginning of their relationship, and that he’s already been offered nearly $33.5M for the footage by an Arizona company. He’s hoping for a pay-off from Britney in exchange for keeping the tape to himself. They also drop the bomb we’ve all been waiting for — that Brit filed divorce papers after catching Federline with another woman.

A K-Fed “pal” is quoted as saying, “This vid is dynamite and Kev knows it.” Firstly: the vid? Is dynamite? This reminds me of the drugs-are-bad videos we watched in elementary school. “Hey, man, wanna smoke a doobie? It’s dynamite! Pop in that tubular Betamax vid and we’ll ride a bogus doobie wave.” (Side note: whenever I need wacky ’80s words, I try to remember the names of the worlds on that last level of Super Mario Brothers. I don’t know what that says about me.)

Britney apparently “fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image” and “knows a full-on sex video could almost certainly ruin her chance of a career come-back.” Right, because Britney’s image is squeaky clean right now, and a sex tape is no way to launch a career. Just ask Paris Hilton.

They also report that Britney had flown into NYC to join her husband on his tour, but after he stood her up for dinner, she left the restaurant in tears and demanded keys to his hotel room at The Regency. When she let herself into his room, she found Kevin with another woman. It doesn’t sound like they were caught red-handed, but the fact that there was another woman there at all was enough to push Britney over the edge. She filed for divorce the next week.

Tobey Maguire and girlfriend, Irrelevant McNotfamous, welcome a baby girl. [Hollyscoop]

Joley Richardson quits Nip/Tuck. She’s hoping to be cast in a show with more plausible plotlines, possibly something involving giant, mutant, hermaphoditic aphids who eat Koreans and occasionally find themselves in awkward love triangles including the wife of their college roommate. [HGW]

Beyonce and Eva Longoria will be getting all lesbo on the big screen. Where will you be, Paul Reuebens? [Bossip]

Someone asked me the other day how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. This is a link to a black-and-white video of Kate Moss, wearing lingerie and saying quiet, mysterious things. More of you will click on this link than any other in this group, probably by a factor of three. And that, my friends, is how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. [Agent Bedhead]

In a shocking twist to the Kevin Federline saga, he demands Grey Goose in his dressing room. Check out the rest of the hospitality rider. [CelebSlam]

If Brad Pitt smokes, it must be cool. [Teddy and Moo]

Actor Jack Palance dies. [Hollyweird Gazette]

Sorry I’m late on this, guys — I decided to take a break from tending to y’all last night to take a stab at a social life. We’ll see how this new experiment goes…

An in-depth review of Britney’s pre-nup shows that she filed for divorce on November 6 for a very good reason: one day later, and she would have had to pay a third year of alimony.

If there is anyone happier about this divorce than the celebrity gossip blogging community, it is, surely, Brit-Brit’s homewreckee, Shar Jackson.

In one more blow to FedEx’s pocketbook, Britney is shopping around pics of Jayden James … for free.

Rumors are circulating that Federline talked about divorcing Britney a month before she filed the papers to divorce him. A likely story.

And, finally, BRITNEY IS BACK IN THE RECORDING STUDIO! Hooray!

Kevin Federline has responded to Britney Spears’ divorce filing. In the response, he asks for legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children and requests spousal support. He’s going to need it: his album debuted at #151 this week, and he’s dropped the price of tickets to his upcoming show in Chicago to $0.00 (that’s not a typo) after his recent show in NYC barely filled a sixth of the theater.

The ever-vigilant folks at Extra sent a reporter all the way out to Fresno to interview one of Kevin’s buddies from back in the day. He confirms that Federline didn’t hear about the divorce from his wife, and he is confident that Federline’s “rapping” “career” can survive his split from The Brit.

Don’t give up hope yet, Kevin! Jerry Springer — The Opera, a musical theater hit in England, is coming to the U.S. in Spring 2007, and they’re putting together a cast. They’re going to need dancers, Kev, and you’d be perfect.

I declared it “Britney Spears Day”
She got divorced.
Best News Ever.

Here are some Britney Spears Divorce Links for Your Evening:

Perez has a barrage of great articles of their last final days as a couple including an explosive weekend in NYC that was the nail in the coffin for the relationship [PerezHilton]

Defamer thinks MTV’s plague of bees is god showing displeasure at this holy relationship being over. [Defamer]

A classic “Letter of Fug” from Brit to Kevin. And I quote, “I hope your cornrows all fall out and you trip on your manpris and you break your face and you crash your car.” Actually I hope she takes his stupid car she bought for him away. [GoFugYourself]

America’s Camelot Has Ended, even puppies are sad. [The Gilded Moose]

Oh, it is also election day too. You better vote!!!! God (in all forms) Bless America!