Britney Spears offered Kevin Federline a cool $25 mil to get out of her — and her children’s — lives for good, and he’s turned it down. Depending on whom you believe, this is either because he’s holding out for $50M or because he actually refuses to make a graceful exit from the lives of their children. Says one source: “He loves his two little boys, and there’s no way he’s going to disappear from their lives.” Both parties are asking for sole custody of the kids.

Federline has proven that he can make his own income. He recently filmed a Super Bowl commercial for Nationwide Insurance and has reportedly fielded offers to do a number of reality TV shows. Of course this is not a particularly sustainable business model, but he certainly has at least another year or two of pseudo-stardom. If he invests well, he can probably swear off back-up dancing for the rest of his life, with or without Britney’s money. And who the hell knows? Maybe, in this process, he’ll rehabilitate his image to the point where he can build some manner of non-laughable career as an entertainment figure. I mean, if Screech is still famous, there’s no limit to Kevin Federline’s potential.

Good move, Nationwide Insurance.

Nicole Kidman is carted off to the hospital after an on-set car accident, but she’s so badass she comes back later in the night to resume filming. Thankfully, someone got the accident on tape. [Celebslam]

Jessica’s pouty expressions and hair-twirling may be more for the camera than for John Mayer. [Cele|bitchy]

Kate and Owen take another shot at their non-relationship. You know, for the sake of the little Ryder. Oh wait. [Celeb Warship]

Pics of Carrie Underwood shooting her new music video. [Celebrity Smack]

Wrap your head around this: Paul Reubens, incapable of draw the line at masturbating in a public place, also smoked cigarettes on set. [Defamer]

Black Snake Moan is characterized as “bad Ricci-porn.” Count me in! [Pajiba]

Even fast food employees are loathe to be associated with Kevin Federline. [Agent Bedhead]

Those folks who took over Paris Hilton’s storage locker when she forgot to pay the monthly fee on it have finally released the info they found within. Among it: pictures of Paris smoking a tampon. [Gawker]

Rose McGowan’s looking a little ragged these days. [popbytes]

Jen Aniston’s rep is just plain tired of lying. He admits his client had a nose job this weekend. [The Superficial]

Singer Brandy was the cause of a disturbing Los Angeles wreck. No, not Moesha. [Bossip]

Look, I tried, but I can’t beat Seth and Mark on this, so I’m just going to steal their headline: ABC Sends Isaiah Washington to Gayhab. [Defamer]

Clearly the most effective way to get your estranged wife to seek help for her drinking problem is to whine about it to Star magazine. Right, K-Fed? [IBBB]

Hugh Hefner takes time out of his busy day to call Kelly Osbourne ugly. [Agent Bedhead]

Howard Stern gets David Arquette to dish on the Brad/Jen split. [INO]

Kate Moss may be a hopeless cocaine addict, but she’s an addict who can sell some clothes. Burberry knows this. [Celeb Warship]

Trust me, if the Kim Kardashian sex tape exists, no one wants it to hit the Internet more than Kim Kardashian. [Bossip]

Father of the Year Kevin Federline announces that the forfeit of his relationship with Sean and Jayden is worth $25M per kid. [The Blemish]

A pregnant Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott hit the press junkets. [Teddy and Moo]

Justin Timberlake takes his face out of Scarlett’s breasts for long enough to issue a formal break-up statement with Cameron Diaz. [Faded Youth]

Spicy Pants from Celebrity Smack is going to be on the radio! Be sure to tune in and listen. [Celebrity Smack]

MK from popbytes has 30 Seconds to Blog for an AOL webcast and he does a fantastic job. [popbytes]

Or at least her lawyers did.

Britney and K-Fed agreed to a temporary custody arrangement for the month of January. While it’s been said (by celebrity gossip bloggers, who, like myself, all have J.D.s and a minimum of five years experience practicing divorce law) that Britney’s wild ways, when contrasted with Federline’s recent campaign for Father of the Year, would result in a custody settlement that favors the Fed-Ex, that doesn’t seem to be the case so far.

Federline got his ass whooped in the arrangement. Well, I mean, he got his ass whooped if you start with the assumption that he wasn’t actually hoping for a court-mandated excuse to rarely have to bother being around his children. According to the agreement, Federline can spend the hours of noon to four on Monday, Wednesday and Friday with his children, at Spears’ home. Spears is allowed to be present. Spears is also allowed to take the children to Miami for a week, starting today.

Britney, who recently admitted to being “far from perfect” in a letter to fans on her website, and Kevin have yet to determine a final custody agreement.

Paris Hilton actually managed to get fired from her namesake Club Paris. Is there anything this girl can’t do? [The Blemish]

Pics from the Alpha Dog premiere’s after-party, with nary a Cameron Diaz in sight. [Monica Monroe]

K-Fed gets text-dissed by La Lohan. [The Superficial]

Britney Spears is back on the party scene, looking worse than I have ever, ever seen her look. The first pic is vaguely reminiscent of Rosie O’Donnell. [X17]

The “sole remaining” copy of the video of Steve Irwin’s death has been handed over to his widow. [Tabloid Whore]

Nicole Richie hires a shaman to rid her home of whatever “curse” triggered her string of bad luck in 2006. This shaman will, I assume, walk in, flush thirty-six baggies of coke down the toilet, and leave. [Junkiness]

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson’s publicity train makes a stop in Splitsville. [The Bosh]

Singer/model Tyrese allegedly punched his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach. [Gabsmash]

I’ve been trying to think of a joke for this, K-Fed stepping into the wrestling ring, but right now I’ve got nothing.

Screw it, let’s just let K-Fed handle it for us:

Make all your jokes, because New Year’s Day I’m the one who is going to be laughing. Oh yeah, Cena, my name is not K-Fed, it’s Kevin Federline, b***h, and I want some and I’m gonna get some.”

I just hope he doesn’t get this Cena person pregnant.