As we all recall, in the exciting days after Britney Spears settled down with Kevin Federline, the most-asked question from the lips of America’s women was “Does he have a brother?”

No, I’m totally kidding. The most-asked question was probably “Does he have chlamidia?”

Certainly, the last thing we all expected was to eventually be relieved when this man took sole custody of the couple’s two children. The universe is an unpredictable little mass, my friends.

Anyway. Kevin Federline does have a brother. His name is Chris, and it appears he carries with him a Trump National Golf Club score book and an undeserved sense of entitlement. Kevin took him along to the Ryan Sheckler X Games Celebrity Skins Classic in Palos Verdes on Tuesday.

Britney Spears was ordered to pay $375K to cover K-Fed’s legal fees in their child custody case. K-Fed’s attorney had originally asked for nearly $500K.

Spears’ attorney was all like “Kevin can pay his own legal bills” and then the judge was all like, “Fuck that, Britney Spears’ special brand of Britney Spears Bullshit is the reason this case dragged on for fucking ever” and then Brit was ordered to pay, as my sister would say, a “shit-ton of cash” to Kevin.

Whatever. This is chump change to Brit-Brit. She’s probably like “Oh, that’s just a week’s worth of Starbucks, just give him the money.”

It looks like Brit was getting ready to leave the house today — just hours after her release from the hospital — but turned around when she saw all the paps there. What, Britney? You didn’t think there would be paparazzi outside your house??? You’ve only spent the past few months posing for them every chance you get, and now that your mental breakdown is finally getting fun again, you expect them to disappear? It’s Britney’s world, folks. We just live in it.

Anyway, Brit supposedly left the hospital with her dad — her mom and sis are still in Kentwood, despite reports that Jamie-Lynn was at the hospital with Britney, and seriously what kind of bullshit must be going on there that they can’t come to LA to see Britney after her hospitalization? — and is now holed up at home, possibly with Luckiest Paparazzo Ever Adnan Ghalib. Sam Lutfi is supposedly driving around LA looking for Britney, as he doesn’t trust this Adnan dude with her. We don’t trust you with her either, Sam!

K-Fed hasn’t left his house all day — he’s holed up at home with his sons.

K-Fed has been awarded sole custody for the time being.

It’s about time!!!

Brit’s visitation rights have been “suspended pending further order of the court.”

The court ordered Kevin to have sole physical custody of the kids until a further hearing on January 14.

You can read the full court document here.

The attorney for Kevin Federline, Mark Vincent Kaplan, has called an emergency session this morning in his client’s ongoing custody battle with Britney.

The judge has asked for the attorney to return to court today at 1:30 p.m. An associate for the firm spoke at a press conference just moments ago, saying, “Mark wanted me to address everyone and just say he feels at this time it would be inappropriate for him to speak to the media.”

Of course!!! The poor guy hasn’t slept in FOREVER.

CONGRATULATIONS, BRITNEY SPEARS!!!

Britney actually showed up for her deposition at K-Fed’s lawyers’ office today, after missing at least five prior appointments.

Although Britney’s legal team filed a request with the court to be removed from the case (citing a “breakdown in communications”), the hearing on that is not until Feb 4, and they will remain her legal team until then.

Waiting on the photos …

Paris Hilton and K-Fed party the night away at PURE in Las Vegas.

What is Britney going to do to retaliate for this????

BRING ON THE CRAZY!!!!

Kevin Federline (sporting a mohawk?) and Brody Jenner partied at LAX in Vegas on Saturday night, where they chilled with Paris and Nicky Hilton.

What a black hole of stupid.

Image via Splash