No longer just a scary rumor, Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Bassett have confirmed that they are expecting a human being.

Personally, I think their timing is very fortuitous.  I mean, how many episodes of Kendra, featuring just Kendra, can people tolerate?  She needs a comic foil, and thanks to some determined sperm, will have one in about six months. 

Next season on Kendra expect lots of diaper mishaps, puke references, sleepless nights, and day drinking.  Welcome to motherhood!

Everyone knew deep down that she was the break-out star of The Girls Next Door — you better believe Holly knew it! — and now America has confirmed it! Kendra Wilkinson’s new reality series, Kendra, premiered as the highest-rated series debut on the E! since another former Playmate had a solo act on the network — The Anna Nicole Show in 2002. In fact, Kendra out-performed all premiere episodes of “Girls Next Door,” including last season’s debut by 76% in the adult demo.

Wow!!!

That’s pretty impressive, Little Miss Stripper Pole! I have to admit, I watched the show. I can’t say I’ll be watching it again; it was kind of painful. There’s only so many times the Kendra-is-wearing-a-grill joke is funny. And now I’m hearing rumors that she may actually be pregnant. I find that terrifying and upsetting. I love Kendra, but I’d like to see her get a few more years of growing up under her belt before she becomes responsible for another human life. I mean, listen, I’m not good at picking my clothes up off the floor, either (sorry Mom!), but at least I realize that means I won’t be good at picking a baby up off the floor all the time, either. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to having a good chuckle over how jealous Holly must be over all this.

Homegirl has about six months of pseudo-fame left, and she’s chosen to capitalize on it by … launching her own line of stripper poles?

as you know im an outdoors girl so its hard to find fun ways to exercise in my house that keep me from getting bored. im like a little monkey and love to swing around on things haha so thats why i decided to create my own line of sports poles which will be coming out soon!!!!!

Heck, at least it’s something different. A group of girlfriends and I took a strip aerobics class in LA, back when it was all the rage — Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz were in the class after us — and I have to admit it was a pretty intense workout. I was in fairly good shape at the time, but the next day everything was sore. It worked muscles I didn’t even know existed. (And muscles my boyfriend was thrilled to learn existed.)

This is kind of brilliant in that accidental way that everything Kendra does is brilliant. When I heard she was launching a line of “sports” poles, I kind of got this little inkling that I might buy one … could be fun, right? We’ll wait and see how they’re priced … ;)

Kendra did some training on the pole and put the photos up on her blog. This is why I love Kendra Wilkinson — even though she knows these photos will be all over the Internet, she still doesn’t take the time to pick the towels up off the floor and the couch. This is a woman after my own heart.

Hugh Hefner continues to wax philosophical about the Girls Next Door.  For real, I don’t think the twins are working out too well for him since his attention still seem so focused on Kendra, Bridget and Holly.  I’m totally over that show, why isn’t he?

In a People interview, Hef says that rebounds are the way to go and marriage, for all intents and purposes, sucks.

About Holly: My conviction has always been, being an romantic, that the best solution for a failed romance is a new romance.

About Bridget: The major problem for her, quite frankly, is that she’s not here a lot. She’s got this wonderful dream job for the Travel Channel (Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches), she’s wandering the globe. We’ll see how that plays out, whether she’s really contemplating making this more serious.

About Kendra: I’ve been very lucky in romance, but not expert in marriage (two divorces).  They are two separate things. What happens traditionally in a marriage is, of course, a marriage turns into parenthood and the affection is kind of transferred to the children. She picked very well, I think he adores her, I think she really loves him. What they have to get over is they come from very different backgrounds. If love conquers all, it’ll conquer them.

Poor Hugh!  I’m more convinced than ever that he hasn’t been taking his Ginkgo biloba for he surely would have remembered that no one cares what he thinks about the girls, their relationships or the weather, for that matter.  The end.

Yesterday we had some hot sexy firemen for those of us who get all tingly for men — today we’re doing a little something for the folks who like titties. The soon-to-be-married Kendra Wilkinson (stop snickering) did a sexy under-the-covers photo shoot recently and posted a few of the shots on her blog. She’s even showing off her bling!

I’ve uploaded the full-size photos, so if you click on the thumbnails and then click again on the photo, you can get even more up close and personal with Kendra’s breasts.

You’re welcome.

Little dogs and twins are so passé.  It’s all about the stripper pole, bitches!  And, of course, Kendra Wilkinson has her finger on the pulse of today’s trends:

I’m coming out with my own stripper pole.[sic] Stripper pole, and stripper pole workout,” The Girls Next Door star, 23, told Usmagazine.com at the American Red Cross Red Tie Affair in Santa Monica Saturday.

“It’s like Carmen Electra’s, but mine is better,” she continued. “Mine will connect to the ceiling, and you can spin on it and do all that stuff on it.”

Wait.  Carmen Electra has a stripper pole?  And you can’t spin on it and do all that stuff on it?  How did this get to market?  I am shuddering just thinking about the types of viruses my laptop is about to get as I Google images of Carmen’s stripper pole.  But I’m going to do it.  Now.

Like a buttercup in piss storm - two many shades of yellow

Former girl next door Kendra Wilkinson has posted some pictures of herself on her blog from back in the day when she really was a girl next door, aged 2 to about 12.

Now, who wouldn’t love looking at pics of Kendra when she was a cute little potbellied kid? When her clothes were stained with mysterious liquids dribbled out of sippy cups (and not old man penises) and any nudity was innocent, and didn’t come with a paycheck (or old man penises).

But I’m calling her out on her assertion that these baby pictures are “proof” that she is  “originally a NATURAL blonde”– a claim she feels she needs to make thanks to “all the blogs out there that are always calling [her] a fake blonde.”

First of all, being blonde when you’re age is still young enough to be tabulated in months rather than years does not give you the ability to claim that you are naturally blonde when you’re in your twenties. Kendra knows this, and is pretty much admitting that she’s not a natural blonde now by using the word “originally.”

Secondly… WHO FUCKING CARES?? Honestly, any controversy over whether or not a woman dyes her hair is so antiquated that it’s laughable. Just own up to dying your hair (like we all know you do) and maybe blogs will stop writing about it. (Yes, I realize the irony of the fact that I’m writing about it right now.)

If Kendra needs a controversy (to discuss or to defend) let’s talk about the fact that she played hot potato with a  pair of shriveled old man balls, passing them back and forth between two other women for years until finally the music stopped and she was out of the game

Seriously Kendra. Stop denying your roots. Kunta Kinte would be very disappointed..