I don’t know why these sports stories can’t break when Kelly is working, but this one is pretty straightforward — no sports knowledge needed.

Michael Vick, the quarterback who was recently released from prison for illegal dogfighting, has been put on the roster for the Philadelphia Eagles.  He was on their exempt list, but now is allowed to practice with and play for the team.  Hey, he did apologize!  Of course, bringing Vick in meant someone had to go.  Who got the boot?  Kendra Wilkinson’s husband, Hank Baskett!

What will Hank and Kendra do with a baby on the way?  Will Hank get picked up by another team?  How will Kendra handle this stress in the final months of her pregnancy?  Did she do that stupid laugh when she heard the news?  We gotta pray that Kendra stays on the air so we can get all these questions (and more!) answered.

Kendra Wilkinson has a book deal.  Just let that sink in.

Kendra Wilkinson has, in a complete stroke of genius, found yet another way to extend what should have been 22 seconds of fame into another business venture.  ”I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  I have a husband I adore, a baby on the way, and now my memoir is going to be published!”

She should feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  It just isn’t that easy to land a book deal.  It takes a very specific combination of talent, marketability (and in Kendra’s case silicone and luck) to accomplish this.  Obviously, this project is happening but it’s probably not too late to start a letter-writing campaign to the publisher insisting that she isn’t allowed to laugh on the audio book recording.

No exact word on what this book will cover, except that it’s a ”humorous, relatable, fish-out-of-water tale”.  The yet-to-be-titled memoir — how about “No Bunny Cares What You Have To Say”? — is set to be released next summer.  Get that shit on your Amazon pre-order right away.

Would it be a proper Wilkinson nuptial if Kendra didn’t flub her vows? No, of course not. I’m just a little disappointed she didn’t write her own. That would have been comedy gold: “Hank, baby, you had me at the grill.”

That said, this is a gorgeous wedding, and Kendra looks very happy. I just know this is going to be a beautiful marriage for her for the next year or two.

It’s a funny thing, the news: It happens when you least expect it.

Us Weekly had signed a contract guaranteeing them exclusive photo rights to Kendra Wilkinson’s wedding on Saturday, which may have resulted in solid newsstand sales for them. But then Michael Jackson died, and all of a sudden Kendra’s (first) wedding becomes a non-issue. Us Weekly reportedly wanted to wiggle out of the full price in the contract, but a contract is a contract, and they’ll have to pay up. A rep for them denies the story, saying that the “wedding pictures were purchased after Michael died.”

Ya know, my first thoughts about Kendra’s wedding (because, yes, I think about these things), was that it kind of sucked for her to have her wedding’s media coverage eclipsed by the Jackson death. But then I realized — these things go to print at the start of the week. So what you’re seeing is a bunch of tabloids with Michael Jackson on the cover … and Kendra Wilkinson on the sidebar. (Like this.) This week’s tabloids are going to sell to a mass of people who would never normally buy a tabloid rag, because everyone will want to read (or want to own) the Michael Jackson death coverage. The result? Kendra will be visible to an audience that never would have known about her before. It’s actually fantastic for her. And that is my in-depth media analysis for the day.

Did you guys know that Kendra Wilkinson got married this weekend? No? Well, that’s okay, no one did — the once-guaranteed media blitz around her nuptials was completely eclipsed by Michael Jackson’s death. But the photogs did manage to care enough to snap photos of Kendra and her new hubby, Hank Baskett, going through security at LAX on the way to their honeymoon. Kendra’s wearing a top that says “high maintenance bride.” No, it’s not properly hyphenated, thank you for asking.

“Holly cried like a faucet and I held back tears,” said [Bridget] Marquardt before heading off to the reception. “I’m usually the emotional one. The ceremony was short and sweet and bombarded by helicopters. [Kendra's] dress was like a princess and I’m going to catch the bouquet!”

The couple plan to honeymoon on an undisclosed island. All Kendra would reveal about the location is that it’s somewhere the two are going to “be able to walk around naked.” Which doesn’t rule out anywhere.

I’m not kidding you, folks!  This is Kendra Wilkinson’s picture that she has on her blog under a post titled, “Introducing my baby bump.” 

now that my news is out in the open, im so excited to introduce to u hanks and my little bundle of joy!!!!  i took this pic during a photo shoot in europe to send to hank since he missed me and my growing belly so much!  lololol.

now that my pregnancy isnt a secret anymore i can keep u guys updated with more pics as i get bigger and bigger

hope youre all as excited as i am!!!!!!!!

Yeah, she better get “bigger and bigger” because right now she’s sporting a fetus the size of a paramecium.  Does she understand that this is what most people’s abdomen’s look like after gastric bypass and two years in a labor camp?

Personally, I’m just worried that this unborn child will never learn the importance of apostrophes when writing contractions.

No longer just a scary rumor, Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Bassett have confirmed that they are expecting a human being.

Personally, I think their timing is very fortuitous.  I mean, how many episodes of Kendra, featuring just Kendra, can people tolerate?  She needs a comic foil, and thanks to some determined sperm, will have one in about six months. 

Next season on Kendra expect lots of diaper mishaps, puke references, sleepless nights, and day drinking.  Welcome to motherhood!

Everyone knew deep down that she was the break-out star of The Girls Next Door — you better believe Holly knew it! — and now America has confirmed it! Kendra Wilkinson’s new reality series, Kendra, premiered as the highest-rated series debut on the E! since another former Playmate had a solo act on the network — The Anna Nicole Show in 2002. In fact, Kendra out-performed all premiere episodes of “Girls Next Door,” including last season’s debut by 76% in the adult demo.

Wow!!!

That’s pretty impressive, Little Miss Stripper Pole! I have to admit, I watched the show. I can’t say I’ll be watching it again; it was kind of painful. There’s only so many times the Kendra-is-wearing-a-grill joke is funny. And now I’m hearing rumors that she may actually be pregnant. I find that terrifying and upsetting. I love Kendra, but I’d like to see her get a few more years of growing up under her belt before she becomes responsible for another human life. I mean, listen, I’m not good at picking my clothes up off the floor, either (sorry Mom!), but at least I realize that means I won’t be good at picking a baby up off the floor all the time, either. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to having a good chuckle over how jealous Holly must be over all this.

Homegirl has about six months of pseudo-fame left, and she’s chosen to capitalize on it by … launching her own line of stripper poles?

as you know im an outdoors girl so its hard to find fun ways to exercise in my house that keep me from getting bored. im like a little monkey and love to swing around on things haha so thats why i decided to create my own line of sports poles which will be coming out soon!!!!!

Heck, at least it’s something different. A group of girlfriends and I took a strip aerobics class in LA, back when it was all the rage — Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz were in the class after us — and I have to admit it was a pretty intense workout. I was in fairly good shape at the time, but the next day everything was sore. It worked muscles I didn’t even know existed. (And muscles my boyfriend was thrilled to learn existed.)

This is kind of brilliant in that accidental way that everything Kendra does is brilliant. When I heard she was launching a line of “sports” poles, I kind of got this little inkling that I might buy one … could be fun, right? We’ll wait and see how they’re priced … ;)

Kendra did some training on the pole and put the photos up on her blog. This is why I love Kendra Wilkinson — even though she knows these photos will be all over the Internet, she still doesn’t take the time to pick the towels up off the floor and the couch. This is a woman after my own heart.

Hugh Hefner continues to wax philosophical about the Girls Next Door.  For real, I don’t think the twins are working out too well for him since his attention still seem so focused on Kendra, Bridget and Holly.  I’m totally over that show, why isn’t he?

In a People interview, Hef says that rebounds are the way to go and marriage, for all intents and purposes, sucks.

About Holly: My conviction has always been, being an romantic, that the best solution for a failed romance is a new romance.

About Bridget: The major problem for her, quite frankly, is that she’s not here a lot. She’s got this wonderful dream job for the Travel Channel (Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches), she’s wandering the globe. We’ll see how that plays out, whether she’s really contemplating making this more serious.

About Kendra: I’ve been very lucky in romance, but not expert in marriage (two divorces).  They are two separate things. What happens traditionally in a marriage is, of course, a marriage turns into parenthood and the affection is kind of transferred to the children. She picked very well, I think he adores her, I think she really loves him. What they have to get over is they come from very different backgrounds. If love conquers all, it’ll conquer them.

Poor Hugh!  I’m more convinced than ever that he hasn’t been taking his Ginkgo biloba for he surely would have remembered that no one cares what he thinks about the girls, their relationships or the weather, for that matter.  The end.

Yesterday we had some hot sexy firemen for those of us who get all tingly for men — today we’re doing a little something for the folks who like titties. The soon-to-be-married Kendra Wilkinson (stop snickering) did a sexy under-the-covers photo shoot recently and posted a few of the shots on her blog. She’s even showing off her bling!

I’ve uploaded the full-size photos, so if you click on the thumbnails and then click again on the photo, you can get even more up close and personal with Kendra’s breasts.

You’re welcome.