I don’t know why these sports stories can’t break when Kelly is working, but this one is pretty straightforward — no sports knowledge needed.

Michael Vick, the quarterback who was recently released from prison for illegal dogfighting, has been put on the roster for the Philadelphia Eagles.  He was on their exempt list, but now is allowed to practice with and play for the team.  Hey, he did apologize!  Of course, bringing Vick in meant someone had to go.  Who got the boot?  Kendra Wilkinson’s husband, Hank Baskett!

What will Hank and Kendra do with a baby on the way?  Will Hank get picked up by another team?  How will Kendra handle this stress in the final months of her pregnancy?  Did she do that stupid laugh when she heard the news?  We gotta pray that Kendra stays on the air so we can get all these questions (and more!) answered.

Kendra Wilkinson has a book deal.  Just let that sink in.

Kendra Wilkinson has, in a complete stroke of genius, found yet another way to extend what should have been 22 seconds of fame into another business venture.  ”I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  I have a husband I adore, a baby on the way, and now my memoir is going to be published!”

She should feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  It just isn’t that easy to land a book deal.  It takes a very specific combination of talent, marketability (and in Kendra’s case silicone and luck) to accomplish this.  Obviously, this project is happening but it’s probably not too late to start a letter-writing campaign to the publisher insisting that she isn’t allowed to laugh on the audio book recording.

No exact word on what this book will cover, except that it’s a ”humorous, relatable, fish-out-of-water tale”.  The yet-to-be-titled memoir — how about “No Bunny Cares What You Have To Say”? — is set to be released next summer.  Get that shit on your Amazon pre-order right away.

Would it be a proper Wilkinson nuptial if Kendra didn’t flub her vows? No, of course not. I’m just a little disappointed she didn’t write her own. That would have been comedy gold: “Hank, baby, you had me at the grill.”

That said, this is a gorgeous wedding, and Kendra looks very happy. I just know this is going to be a beautiful marriage for her for the next year or two.

It’s a funny thing, the news: It happens when you least expect it.

Us Weekly had signed a contract guaranteeing them exclusive photo rights to Kendra Wilkinson’s wedding on Saturday, which may have resulted in solid newsstand sales for them. But then Michael Jackson died, and all of a sudden Kendra’s (first) wedding becomes a non-issue. Us Weekly reportedly wanted to wiggle out of the full price in the contract, but a contract is a contract, and they’ll have to pay up. A rep for them denies the story, saying that the “wedding pictures were purchased after Michael died.”

Ya know, my first thoughts about Kendra’s wedding (because, yes, I think about these things), was that it kind of sucked for her to have her wedding’s media coverage eclipsed by the Jackson death. But then I realized — these things go to print at the start of the week. So what you’re seeing is a bunch of tabloids with Michael Jackson on the cover … and Kendra Wilkinson on the sidebar. (Like this.) This week’s tabloids are going to sell to a mass of people who would never normally buy a tabloid rag, because everyone will want to read (or want to own) the Michael Jackson death coverage. The result? Kendra will be visible to an audience that never would have known about her before. It’s actually fantastic for her. And that is my in-depth media analysis for the day.

Did you guys know that Kendra Wilkinson got married this weekend? No? Well, that’s okay, no one did — the once-guaranteed media blitz around her nuptials was completely eclipsed by Michael Jackson’s death. But the photogs did manage to care enough to snap photos of Kendra and her new hubby, Hank Baskett, going through security at LAX on the way to their honeymoon. Kendra’s wearing a top that says “high maintenance bride.” No, it’s not properly hyphenated, thank you for asking.

Wilkinson and (now) hubby Hank Baskett did the matrimonial deed last night on the grounds of the Playboy mansion.  Judging by these photos (that appear to have been taken from a helicopter) the ceremony looks very glamorous and classy, in spite of the fact that it took place at the bride’s geriatric ex-boyfriend’s house. That’s a little strange to me, but I must be very old-fashioned. Excuse me while I go launder my chastity belt in the washtub.

“Holly cried like a faucet and I held back tears,” said [Bridget] Marquardt before heading off to the reception. “I’m usually the emotional one. The ceremony was short and sweet and bombarded by helicopters. [Kendra's] dress was like a princess and I’m going to catch the bouquet!”

The couple plan to honeymoon on an undisclosed island. All Kendra would reveal about the location is that it’s somewhere the two are going to “be able to walk around naked.” Which doesn’t rule out anywhere.

I’m not kidding you, folks!  This is Kendra Wilkinson’s picture that she has on her blog under a post titled, “Introducing my baby bump.” 

now that my news is out in the open, im so excited to introduce to u hanks and my little bundle of joy!!!!  i took this pic during a photo shoot in europe to send to hank since he missed me and my growing belly so much!  lololol.

now that my pregnancy isnt a secret anymore i can keep u guys updated with more pics as i get bigger and bigger

hope youre all as excited as i am!!!!!!!!

Yeah, she better get “bigger and bigger” because right now she’s sporting a fetus the size of a paramecium.  Does she understand that this is what most people’s abdomen’s look like after gastric bypass and two years in a labor camp?

Personally, I’m just worried that this unborn child will never learn the importance of apostrophes when writing contractions.